It's painful enough to die

Right now, you can't accept him anymore.
Therefore, not being able to understand it with your head (it may be a feeling that you don't want to understand it) is probably showing up as a symptom in your body. The body is honest.

Even when he sees his former wife calling him, he doesn't feel anything. That's it.
If he were to go back to his former wife, could that be considered that?
Isn't that what love is? It's not something you can do with preparedness or promise; it's probably about being able to look at them calmly.

It's called love is blind, but you can't stay calm, and you make the right decision (love is not eternal. I think it will become impossible (that there is an end).

When I was able to look at him calmly based on those, (I don't think I can imagine it. I feel that it's important whether or not you want to be with someone you want to be with (when you reach that point). Maybe there's an answer there.

　Elopement with a man who has a wife and wife. Even if you are criticized, you are unlikely to be praised. I think I was able to take action with the appropriate determination. I think the cost of that is the present suffering.
Previously, a man with a wife and a wife talked to Hasunoha about his love affair with his mistress. I didn't even elope like you, but I was at risk of breaking up my marriage relationship and causing my family to collapse. To that person, “Do you know the term self-earned?” I answered the question. http://hasunoha.jp/questions/541
It's a pretty tough answer, but I think there are parts that apply to KMTTT as well. This may be an uncomfortable answer for Kmttt, but I think the only way to think about the cause of suffering is to face reality.

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I also intended to live my life while making amends for the rest of my life for having done something sorry for my former wife and children, and I also intended to pay child support etc.
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It says “I did something I'm sorry for” and “while making amends for the rest of my life,” but please think about it calmly. Do you think paying child support is enough to make amends? I think it's a “compensation” that's pretty convenient for me. Also, when I read the questions, I feel that his feelings are leaning towards his wife and family.

I think there are 2 things that are causing you pain right now.
① is an obsession to take him from his wife and make him continue to love himself.
② says he wants to keep his heart connected to his own, but I think his heart is facing the old man
anxiety.

I think the options you should take in the future are one of ABCs.
A. I will continue to live with him as it is now.
B, ask him to divorce his wife and enroll with him.
C, break up with him.

In the case of A, he will constantly feel uneasy about whether he will change his mind, and the painful state will continue. If B is the case, will he respond? Will his wife accept it? It's pretty subtle. It will take quite a bit of effort to make this happen, and I think there is a possibility that your relationship with him will deteriorate. You probably don't want to take the C option, but I think choosing C makes it easier for you. This is my personal opinion to the point where I get tired of it, so I'll leave it up to kmttt's judgment. I pray that you will be able to spend even a little bit of peace of mind.

Let's ask ourselves questions.
Let's say it eventually comes back.
No matter how much I like it. Can someone other than myself be my own?
If I marry him, will he be mine? No.
Eventually, he went back to her while saying that he loved her.
That action is a truer answer than words.
Is it your own just because you got married in the future? Even if it's no good now, will it turn out the way I want it next time? How far humans love people, and no matter how many times they have relationships, no matter how far they go, each exists independently and is not “me,” so in the end, I think there is no choice but to live on one's own.
Why is it more painful than that?
It wasn't because I loved him, but because I wanted him. In other words, satisfying myself was mistaken for love, and I was looking for him. The proof is this suffering. It's painful that I've been betrayed, so I can't say it's true love. Actually, the fact that it's painful right now says it all, doesn't it? It's painful not to get the way I want it to. So why is it painful?
If it's a lofty love that genuinely seeks only his happiness, there shouldn't be any suffering...?
Does that mean this suffering...? I can see the letters selfishness underneath the label of love. What kind of fool would I be if I took my life because of this?

Okay, let's take a break here.
If you get together with him, you'll steal your husband from your wife, and you'll also steal your father from your child, and you'll be resented and tormented by guilt for the rest of your life.
My wife may get stabbed by a child someday, and my parents are against it. When he dies, don't worry about inheritance issues.
At his current state, he is a narcissistic man with two wives. Therefore, let's think that we broke up like this, the results were OK, and as a result, we did something good, and it was a good, good experience.
So I didn't have to take my wife's husband and child's father and make my family feel sad. I also understood his true intentions. I'm glad I didn't commit any more crimes either.
A huge mess awaits after infidelity and predatory love.
True love means you don't suffer, no matter what your partner is.
Suffering is actually self-love and selfishness.
Let's use this as an opportunity to awaken to true love.
I'm starting my life again now.

Mr.kmttt

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

Please think that the details of the harsh responses so far are scolding, encouragement, and “blackmail” from us asking us to wake up.

I can still start my life over. In particular, KMTTT is aware that he has done bad things himself, and I presume that he has feelings of shame, repentance, and remorse, which are important even in Buddhism.

With this, on the contrary, it can be completely reopened, and if naturalization, pregnancy, etc. are forcibly carried out, they will head in the direction of further suffering, and there is a possibility that there will be no way to save them more and more.

Now, it's about “causal retaliation,” which is used in a slightly bad image, but since it is an important rational method in Buddhist thought, I would be grateful if you could take this opportunity to know it a little more correctly.

When it comes to “causal retaliation,” it's a bit difficult to understand, but I think it would be nice if you could understand it as a “causal effect.”

A “cause” is a “cause” (direct factor), a “relationship” is a “condition” (indirect factor), and an “effect” is a “result.”

Also, “causal retaliation” means that when a good cause and relationship go well, there is a good result, and conversely, when a bad cause and relationship go well, there is a bad result.

Things and things in this world do not suddenly come from nothing. There is always a causal relationship between things and things, and they are created, born and destroyed as a result. Also, that result also becomes some kind of causation, further results, and furthermore, the flow that continues with that result also becomes some kind of causation... is impermanent.

This is where the main subject begins, but there is always a cause and effect, even when the result is that you are currently suffering. In Buddhism, they are summarized and simply shown as worry or ignorance (fundamental ignorance), but well, it is certainly due to that kind of thing. However, of course, if anxiety and ignorance can be treated, results without suffering can be reached, and Shakyamuni has shown many methods for that.

Your consultation with Hasunoha is truly a good opportunity, and I would be grateful if you could further advance your studies of Buddhism for good results in the future.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho