Is it a luxury wish to be needed by someone else?

American social psychologist G.H. Mead proposed that the human sense of self depends on both the subjective and unique “I” and the “Me” formed by mutual relationships with others. To put it bluntly, the existence of oneself is made up of two people: myself, who self-evaluates “I am...” and others evaluate “that person is...”

In this way, humans are social creatures, so it is quite natural that the desire to be needed by someone and to be someone's Somebody rather than Anybody arises, and naturally there is a gap between self-evaluation and objective social evaluation, so people are worried.

In Zen, we aim for unity between the subjective “I” and the objective “Me” and the main customer.
To that end, I'm explaining that I will focus on what is right in front of me, here, and now.

Just having someone who needs you supports your pride and gives you encouragement, doesn't it?
For example, being hired for a part-time job or job means being needed and selected.
Even in love, being able to have a relationship means being chosen from among many people of the opposite sex, so it's encouraging.
People close to you who need you are your family, but it's natural that your family needs them, so you may feel that it's not enough to satisfy your pride.
The pain of pride (wanting to think and confirm that you're amazing) is something we all have, so it's not a luxury.

Wanting to be needed comes naturally.
In order to control the suffering of living in this world and bring peace of mind (anjin) to many people, Buddha became a priest and explained the Buddha's teachings to many people.
It's great that you want to be needed. If you can have a sense of compassion for the other person, it can bring peace of mind to both you and your partner.

I think the joy that someone needs is something that everyone can feel. However, I don't think it does anything to be “needed.” Wouldn't being needed be a result?

I don't think “being needed” is something we aim for.

If athletes were playing because they wanted to impress people, they wouldn't be moved by that kind of play. The calculation is working, and what should have been done is off. I'm just impressed by the results of everything.

Now is probably the time for you to learn thoroughly (not just talk about Japanese language, arithmetic, etc.) and build up human beings.
I think it will come later as to whether or not it is needed.

A person's smile is an irreplaceable source of peace of mind.

Imagine a mother cradling her baby.
As soon as we are born, we feel the joy of smiling.
When they get excited, they play around and show them off because they want to see the smiles of their mother and those around them.
From that time on, I already had the perception that “smiles around me” = “needed.”

As it gradually grows and the ego comes out, they learn to bargain and make profit and loss accounts depending on the reactions around them.

However, even if the circumstances around them change, the joy of being “needed” does not disappear from people's emotions.

It's a natural emotion to have, and it is precisely because you have that emotion that you can move your mind and body beyond your own gains and losses.

Wanting to be needed is an emotion that 7.2 billion people, without exception, have.
But the important thing is that it's not up to you to decide that, but your partner.

There seems to be a slight gap in working hard to be needed.

The other person has the other person's feelings.
It's natural that the parts you need are larger, smaller, and different from what you envision.

If those around you don't need the part you want to be recognized for, no one will acknowledge it.
Why can't they be acknowledged even though they're doing something so meaningful?
You might think so, but it's up to your partner, not yourself, to decide whether or not it has meaning.

If you decide who you want to be recognized from the beginning, you must accurately capture what that person wants.

There, such childish bargaining doesn't work, if you approve, I'll do it if you don't approve, I won't do it.
You don't need what the other person doesn't need from the beginning, so if you do such a thing, you won't be recognized even if it is something that should have been recognized originally.

The point is that as we do our best to do what we can, people who need it choose the parts of us that are needed.

The sight of people who do their best at everything makes an impression on those around them.

Don't do it because it's approved, leave out the profit and loss account and do your best to work on what's in front of you.

There's always someone watching you.