I want to erase memories that make it hard to live

We've been married for 28 years.
I came here with a sincere desire to erase my memories of the absurd things I received from my mother-in-law and husband from when I was 21 years old until last year.
My mother-in-law has been attacking me with words for 27 years, before breakfast, kicking, twisting, and scratching, and I don't know why, but from the time we first met.
And my husband, who seems to protect me, doesn't do that only to his own mother! It's a point of tension, and when my husband's parents are in a bad mood, they make me sit prostrate in any kind of crowd.
Four days after I first prostrate, I cut my own carotid artery in the mountains, and even had a blood transfusion until now.
The rest of my life, I abandoned me.
Now I want my life to end soon or I have Alzheimer's and forget everything! That's all.
If I had this kind of life, I wouldn't need it anymore.

4 Zen Responses

We only exist now

Chikuwasama

You've gone through a lot of hard work, haven't you?
Chikuwa-sama, you are now living being dragged by memories from the past. That's why I feel like I want to disappear.
We're trying to live no matter how hard things are. This is true not in the mind, but in reality.
“I don't like living, it's painful” is a delusion brought about by your mind. Don't be swayed by that.
We're not living in the past. I can only live now. Right now, that memory situation shouldn't be right in front of you anymore. You can feel safe. You don't need to be carried away by such memories.

Notice how beautiful the flowers blooming in front of you are.
Please notice that you are eating delicious food.
Notice that a pleasant breeze blew on a fine day.
Notice that the person who gave you a smile is right in front of you.
Please notice that body that makes you breathe and move your heart without expecting anything.

You'll be taken aback by what you've noticed right now. There's no past there.

You should talk to a lawyer or the police

You have been very patient in this unusual situation.

However, since sarcasm is completely beyond the scope of being attached to family life, it is an issue that should be discussed with a lawyer or the police rather than consulting with a religious person. To be clear, what you have experienced is nothing other than abuse, and I don't think it's good to put up with this state of affairs.

I think it is good to be able to change or change the living environment first, and then to be able to receive various psychotherapy and religious care.

A life for you

Chikuwa-san's consultation is not a memory from the past, but a reality right in front of the present progressive form.

You've been putting up with it a lot for over a quarter of a century.
If Chikuwa-san says that she will be consulted here, it probably means that she would like to get away from “there” if there is any method or opportunity, even though she has put up with it until now.

Are you on good terms with your husband other than your mother-in-law?
Do you live with your son?

Your husband doesn't seem to be cooperative with his parents, how does your son feel about that?

If your son is supportive, I recommend that you try talking to him.
My son is probably already in his mid-twenties, and since he's old enough to understand the story, one way is to ask for support from him.

However, both mentally and physically, you are still feeling extreme stress, so you must fundamentally find a way to escape that stress.

It takes courage, but even if you're prepared to fight, it won't be a fundamental solution to this problem unless your mother-in-law or husband properly talks to you.

As a matter of fact, if you don't like this life anymore, why don't you consider it with a view to leaving your home?

Consultation desks have been set up in various places regarding domestic DV.

Your life isn't for your husband or family.
Don't give up just yet so you can make the most of your remaining half of your life.

Your parents must not have raised you cheerfully in order to use it for such things.

Acting may be scary, but I want you to think carefully about the “life for you” that your parents gave you without fear or fear of complications.

Your happiness is the purpose of your life.

Can you pass away if you have a memory or not if you do nembutsu

It is said that if you say Namu Amida Buddha and Nembutsu, Amida Buddha will pick you up when you die, and you can pass away in the Pure Land of Paradise.
Whether you have bad memories or not, you can pass away if you do nembutsu.
Whether you live a long time or die prematurely, you can pass away if you do nembutsu.
Whether you're married or divorced, you can pass away if you do nembutsu.
Whether you run away to a DV victim's shelter or not, you can pass away if you do nembutsu.
Life always has a happy ending. Your life is a qualified life. The gates of hell are closed. Namu ami dabu namu ami dabu namu amidabu.
By the way, it seems that dementia is more painful for the person himself/herself than it seems from the outside.
Even though I don't remember eating it, “You ate a while ago!” and being scolded by children,
My wallet is gone even though I don't remember touching it myself,
I don't know what date it is today or what season it is, and when I go out wearing a coat, it's a midsummer day.

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