hasunoha

I don't think it's worth living

I don't think I'm worth living.

My parents spent money on me, and they sent me to a reasonably good university, but I couldn't get used to it well and it hurt my body.
I graduated, but I failed in job hunting.

I haven't been able to get along well with people since I was little.
I was able to study, but it was so hectic that I couldn't do well even if I worked part-time.
I can't work, and I can't have any relationships.
I'm so lazy, so if I work part-time, I'll get in the way (I don't think I'll be able to work for my wages), my body isn't very strong, and I don't have any physical strength, so I quickly become lazy.
I don't have any friends.
My parents say they won't die, so I'm just alive.
However, if you live like this, it will eat up your parents' savings in old age, so I think it's better to die already.

What I hate more than anything else is that I'm a selfish person with no compassion.
No matter what you do, there's no such thing as thanking them.
I think in my head, and that's what I say, but my feelings don't move.
That's why jealousy and feelings of inferiority are all alone, so I don't think it's good.
There are almost no things I think are fun or happy about.
It's only when I'm running away from books, comics, movies, and TV that I feel barely at ease.

They are living as if they have already died, and all I hope is that they will live to the end of their lives tomorrow.
My parents are desperately trying to encourage me and look forward, and they literally work hard to the point where I am thin, but no matter what I see them doing, my feelings don't move.
I really think that's rubbish.
But I have no idea how to change myself like that.

So in conclusion, I think it's better to die for money.
In any case, I don't seem to be able to live to the end of my life in terms of money, and I can't help but think that it would be good to die within 2 or 3 years when I still have enough money to spare, if I take my parents with me and let them go astray.

Even for myself, I don't think there's much point in being born if I just die like this, but I don't know what to do.

This way you can change your personality! or,
It makes me feel grateful! or,
This is what it means to live! or,
Anything is fine, so if you have any advice, please.

3 Zen Responses

Shifting to life for Nembutsu

According to the teachings of the Jodo sect, the greatest purpose of life is to say “Namu Amida Buddha” and nembutsu.
If you are being taught nembutsu, you can think that person's life has passed and is OK.
Things like money and work are important in the world, but those things don't have much value.
It's important to be able to do nembutsu here and now.
If you do nembutsu, you'll be able to go to the Pure Land of Paradise at the end of your life, and while you're alive, you'll accumulate the merits of nembutsu training,
There are good things about living or dying, so there is no problem with life or death.
If you think so, your life will be brighter.

What comics do you like?

The value of being alive is equal for everyone.
Even if you don't understand it right now, or even if others don't understand it,
There are things that are there.
In that respect, don't worry.

Isn't it fun to be alive...
But he said, “If you die like this, there's no point in being born.”
In that part, they are positive and want to get out of this trouble
Feelings are on it, aren't they?

What comics do you like?
What's your favorite movie?

What do you like about that work?
When you're in that world, what parts do you feel empathy for?

Life wasn't that fun when I was young either,
There are times when I thought,
Still,
“What will happen with Dragon Ball next week?”
“I wonder what will happen to Grappler's blade teeth next week”
and anticipate,

In the week when I'm not even looking forward to that, bring me old comics
“If you were born into this world and keep being licked by people like you,
It's not worth living!” (“Kinnikuman” vol. 23)
Reread Terry Man's words
It made my heart tremble.
This is still my motto.

Over time, I'll notice it.
Being able to read comics, being able to watch movies,
I mean it's because I'm alive.

To the author who made me come across this work.
At SHUEISHA and Akita Shoten.
To my parents who gave birth to me in this world. to your ancestors.

Furthermore, while I was talking to people around me about what moved me,
I'm sure the number of friends will increase.

Then, while I was ruminating on the part I was moved by,
Naturally, what I want to do springs up.
“What is my life worth?”

In my case, too, the energy I gained from movies and books, especially shonen manga,
It's a very big thing.

From what I learned in shonen manga, what I wanted to do,
Appreciation and compassion for others (expressed by the word “friendship” in “Kinnikuman”),
And I incorporated “The Value of Being Alive.”

First of all, what are you moved by?
What parts do you like?
I think it starts with getting to know things like that.
If you do that, you'll probably be able to see what you want to do.

I'm sorry that I told Mochimura-sama of a different age and gender about “Kinnikuman.”
But if you're interested, read it (laughs)

Before starting, closing, and closing

 Hello. I felt like my life was kind of dramatic. An unfinished story. At the end of chapter 2, in the beginning, transition, “If it stays this way, I'm no good... what should I do!” It's probably just getting jarring.
But I'm sure they're progressing smoothly in their lives.
Today, thanks to you, it's a society where it's easy to live comfortably. Of course, there are various problems such as poverty, but you also have parents, and it's a world where you can “live for the time being.”
However, as a result, I think it's hard to notice or acknowledge things like “the world basically doesn't turn out the way we want it” or “suffering is rooted in being alive.” In Buddhism, that is the first principle.
I wonder if that's where you noticed. I'm sure that's a prelude to a new chapter of “rotation.” I was born to my parents, raised within those values, and I've basically dragged them along, but “something isn't good at this rate!” I noticed it. I would be happy if I noticed it in my 20s. What you notice is that there are people in their 30s and people in their 40s. Just like you, “I'm selfish, I can't appreciate it, I'm just jealous. I discovered myself thinking “I envy Ria Mitsu.” This is something you don't understand easily while you're in the middle of the vortex.

However, I think humans will surely have to go through this question as they get older. That is the “shift” mentioned by Kiyoshi Gan.
Well, I'm sorry for being lazy. It's advice.
First, “if you do this...!” It's better to give up on the idea itself of asking for advice that only requires one word. Chapter 3 is just a conclusion and no story. Also, the author will no longer be you.
So, “is this it? “If there's something you think about, go for it” is advice, but this is abstract, isn't it?
“A feeling of gratitude comes through” is due to “saying words of gratitude.” Even “small things, small expressions of appreciation” get 1 point. How many times a day do you say “thank you” and put it in your notebook? The target is convenience store/family restaurant/bus drivers. And “put your feelings on the back burner,” and this is the trick.

Is that okay? If I were doing “the same thing as before,” I wouldn't be able to enter a new chapter. Dare to do something different from my own pattern of behavior up until now. Chapter 2 is over.