I lost my grandmother when I was 13 and I was cremated.
The scene where my grandmother was cremated at that time is still traumatic in my heart even now, more than 20 years later.
I thought it was really cruel to burn people when I saw my grandmother turned to bones.
Also, I can't help but be scared to think that I myself will pass away and be cremated.
How can we overcome this kind of fear and trauma?
Please let me know.
Kon-sama
This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.
When adolescents were sensitive, the shock was probably quite strong... I think how to understand the view of “impermanence” will be important in order to overcome it.
I don't know the purpose of Kon Sama's family temple, but I would like to list the following two sutras that are important in considering the view of impermanence if it were in the Pure Land system, so I would be happy if you could use them as a reference.
Kurotani Kazuyoshi
According to the teachings of Kimeicho Reisha Kurotani (Honen Shonin), humans are only 50 years old
If you compare it to a flower, it has a more brittle body than morning glory dew, why don't you hope for future generations
old and young, wife, and children, even if they live in the heart of Ukiyo for a long time
Lessons from the World Ahead: If you think about a bunch of flowers and fall leaves, we are all in full bloom
There are also people in full bloom at the top of the ten or fifteen buds in 1920
Tonight I tilted my pillow and immediately fell to death, so why did young children laugh in the morning
There is also smoke at dusk, so merciful, ephemeral, and gentle, shaba is getting farther away day by day
Death is getting closer year by year, and today I'm burying someone else's funeral, and tomorrow I can't even take care of myself
If you think about this, we're all in the pursuit of people who came before us, parents, siblings, and couples
Chant Nembutsu and believe it, thank you very much, Amida Buddha
Namu Amida Buddha
Namu Amida Buddha
Namu Amida Buddha
White Bones: Rennyo Shonin
It's a period where the beginning, middle, and end of this world becomes like an illusion, even if you look at the floating phase of humans in a daze. If so, I haven't heard that they still accept people who are ten thousand years old. It's easy for a lifetime to pass. Up to now, someone should stay in shape for 100 years. It can be said that people who don't know me, people ahead, today, tomorrow, and who don't know tomorrow are more prosperous than the drop of a book or dew at the end. If you do, you'll have a red face in the morning and white bones in the evening. If an impermanent wind has already come, that is, if the second eye closes in the middle, and one breathes continuously, when they blush and lose their disguise as Tori, the six family members gather and cry and grieve, and it should not be worth it. Well, if it's not what it should be, and if you send it outdoors and end up with the smoke in the middle of the night, nothing but white bones will remain. That's pretty stupid, too. If so, when it comes to human difficulties of uncertain age and age, everyone should quickly keep in mind the most important thing in the afterlife, deeply treat Amitabha Buddha, and say nembutsu. Anakashiko, Anakashiko.
Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho
> How can we overcome this kind of fear and trauma? ...
That being said, don't try to overcome this etc. by force.
If you try to overcome this etc. by force, you will be caught by this, and since you will become obsessed with this, it will also have the opposite effect.
I think now is where it shows up.
how is that?
Hello, Mr. Kong.
It's called “fear or trauma,” but when do you feel that way?
When something triggers me, I can't stop my tremors, I have a cold sweat, I can't move... However, if my consciousness is clear, I may wonder if it's “PTSD”... I'm not a doctor, so I can't make a diagnosis.
What is the extent of “fear or trauma”? What should I do to overcome...? It might be easier to come up with an answer.
Okay, Mr. Kong.
Can't help thinking that you even have free time?
Are you imagining a life where you have too much time right now?
If so, it may be more important to focus on work or hobbies rather than “facing” fear and trauma.”
If that's not the case, maybe it's important to face it.
If you don't like cremation, you should decide to “do something about it without cremating yourself.” Temporarily, I think so.
Cremating people after death is now a very common practice.
People die and go back to the ground.
But is “cremation” the only cause of trauma?
I think something happened with my grandmother, parents, siblings, and relatives?
If it's a difficult problem, go to a specialized agency, get counseling,
You might need it.
If not, TFT therapy is also effective.
Please read it as a prescription for when minor traumatic experiences occur in the future.
An acquaintance had an accident with his car.
It seems that at the moment of the rear-end collision, the area in front of them was bright red.
Apparently it was a direct hit on a Coca-Cola vending machine.
Since then, Coca-Cola vending machines have been everywhere, so every time I drive by, I get a flash back.
Symptoms such as reviving the bad feelings at the time of the accident and trembling hands.
It seems that the dark days continued for a while, but at one point, they often observed themselves, and it seems that they devised a way to not hurt their heart even if they had flashbacks, and it was discovered.
This is because a flashback is simply a state where memories are being recalled, and it seems that they learned that if you limit it to only the scene you are thinking back on and don't develop it into a dark way of thinking that hurts you from there (don't touch on the thoughts that have come up), it won't develop into trauma. Strictly speaking, when I think of a scene from the past, I just leave that thought alone.
From that one scene, they have a strong willpower brake that won't develop until they hurt themselves.
For example, places shaken by the past, places I felt bad about, and places I felt scared.
There should be no crime there. That time has already passed, and now the situation, state, and landscape may not actually be what they were at that time.
Observe yourself carefully, notice yourself linking the dark feelings of second and third from there, and if you don't let it unfold to second and third, the flashback itself isn't toxic.
It's still a first (primary) flashback of when memories came up in the past, and I won't hurt myself any further.
In the future, even if it is called a crematorium, it doesn't mean that crematoria all over Japan will make you suffer, so if you firmly separate outside events from your inner image, make yourself suffer when you think any further, and have a habit of not letting your life unfold one step ahead of that, you will be at ease for the rest of your life.
To Kon-sama
First, let's understand the meaning of cremation.
“It is a funeral method in which corpses are disposed of by burning them on fire. It is thought that in the background of cremation, there is an idea that by destroying corpses with fire, spirits can move away from the body as soon as possible, and that they try to create an opportunity for spirits to gain a new home and be reborn.”
Your fear may go away by knowing its meaning.
The image of fire may have been bad for a long time.
It seems that trauma is something that gets stronger the more you worry about it.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could be swept away by nature and overcome it?
Gassho