I want you to understand that when you die yourself, you don't want to make others regret it

First of all, suicidal thoughts are mostly caused by “depression,” so if your brain/nerve state returns to health,
There is a possibility that the desire to “die” itself will disappear.
Just as a runny nose stops when a cold gets over, there are cases where suicidal thoughts disappear when depression heals.
Please consult with a specialized institution such as psychosomatic medicine.

Buddhism says that the mind is impermanent.
In other words, emotions change over time.
However, if you commit suicide, you can't erase the fact.
There is a possibility that your feelings will change even between when you commit suicide and when you actually take your last breath, and you think “I don't want to die after all.”

Buddhism is teaching to reduce the worries and suffering of oneself and others, so if you know that committing suicide will cause others around you to suffer, then suicide is not recommended.
Therefore, it is best not to commit suicide and to look for ways to reduce your own worries and suffering.
Again and again, the mind (desire to commit suicide) is impermanent (changes).
Are you thinking about suicide the moment you wipe your butt in the toilet?
The time you don't think about suicide (try playing back your mind by moving frames in seconds)
It should have happened today too.
Please successfully grasp the heart of the moment when the desire to commit suicide has disappeared.

People's desires walk alone. Once you hold the puzzle pieces in your hands, you feel like they fit into a mold. There, the reason why they started doing puzzles is left behind, and greed takes the lead and moves hands.
Please be aware that suicidal ideation also becomes a desire to run wild, leaving behind the reason why suicide is really necessary.

There must have been many people who were saddened by his loss. You're probably still suffering right now. If you commit suicide, you're only creating the same chain of suffering. A lot of people will be sad.

“It's not your fault that he's gone.” Don't blame yourself. He probably doesn't want that. His life has certainly come to an end. However, the function of life exists in a different form.
Every single atom in the air near you. Rain falling from the sky. tap water. I think there are various types of plants, etc.

I think there is also a way to live while feeling that life.

　This “hasunoha” is a Q&A site on the internet, but there are also groups where you can exchange letters with monks. It's called the “Association of Monks Facing Suicide and Suicide.” It seems that the monk in charge will be back and forth communicating with you. I don't belong there, but why don't you contact them? There is a possibility that something will change by putting your feelings into letters.

The other is my wish and prayer.
I think “say something” at the end of your sentence is a very good question.
Do you know the story of One Thousand and One Nights? It's Arabian Nights. “More tomorrow” “see you tomorrow”... It is characterized by the continuation of a story where you don't know when it will end. No matter how many “good stories” I hear, I don't know when the “ultimate answer” will come. This “hasunoha” will also be asked new questions and answers tomorrow. One day, you'll have no choice but to “quickly...” It may happen that you have feelings other than that. Please open up questions from other people tomorrow, saying “hasunoha, what kind of questions are coming up today.” You might find “something a word” there.

I think it's too intrusive to write something like this, but I'm praying for you. This is because you gathered your courage and expressed your feelings honestly to yourself. I'm thankful for that.

Will humans lose anything when they die?
If so, there should be no need for a funeral or memorial service.

What does the deceased man want from you?
Do they want you to die because of your own death?

I think it's really painful and painful for you right now.
You can cry as much as you can.
You can live while crying.

if you get tired of crying... take a deep breath... put your hand on your chest...
Clear your mind... listen to his words when he passed away.

What does he want from the woman he loves?

To be honest, even if you die, it won't pay for it. Please live only for you.
Your family feels the same way, and they follow suit and die.
Please break the negative chain.
There are also people here who understand and accept it.
I also had suicidal thoughts when I was a student. I couldn't sleep at night, and when I finally wrote my suicide note and opened 3 900 bottles of whiskey in 2 days, I vomited blood, and oh, I really died! I thought so.
At that time, I realized that “my life” rattled and trembled and wanted to live, even though I should have wanted to die until then. Please feel that before you choose death.
Remember it before you die. My heart is throbbing, my eyes are blazing, oh, I can't die! I want to live, I want to be saved from this suffering! Don't forget to listen to the Lord of your life screaming for help, even if you think your will is dying.
Please listen to the SOS for your life, which is superior to your will to die.
I also thought at the time how much easier it would be if I died.
You can't help but think it's easier to die.
It was really painful to be misunderstood by people and to have a cold gaze.
Right now, people who want to commit suicide can be seen at our temple every day.
Three people, including family members, committed suicide. It seems that they drove people to their deaths.
He is also trying his best to choose to live now.
All you have to do is take the plunge and change your relationships.
What drove him is his family, which he had been in a relationship with for a long time before he met you, and his heavy intake of narcotics and drugs. It's not you.
Furthermore, there are many kind people in the world who can understand the truth.
I think he wasn't able to rebel against his parents' restraint until the end.
You don't even need to take your own life anymore.
If you feel responsible, please do it for someone else.
Humans have no choice but to live their own lives for the rest of their lives.
You have your choices.
I and he, who wanted to commit suicide, are still alive.
Can you help people who have lived and experienced suffering like you?
If you have enough strength to die, please come to our temple. There's something I definitely want to tell you.

It looks like you're having a very hard time.
It's too much to guess, but please think again.

Aren't there people right in front of you who are suffering even more than you?
Being ahead of my own child is an unimaginable pain as a parent.
It seems so serious that I even want to take my place if possible.
The suffering of parents who have spent decades taking care of their hands, and especially mothers who gave birth with stomach pain, should not be comparable to yours.

You may be blaming yourself for driving him to death because of your own fault, but if you're a normal parent, it's not strange if you have a grudge against you when you hear that.

However, even though they know that, they are the kind of parents who warmly introduce you to their surroundings.
Don't those parents think of you as their own child?

Are you going to leave this world and be driven away by his parents?
What about your parents and siblings?

If you knew about your circumstances but couldn't do anything, wouldn't it result in many people having the same suffering as you?

Suicide creates nothing but grief.
Do you think he doesn't regret seeing you or your parents now?
If it were you, would you be able to calmly watch people suffering just like you?

There is no escape the loneliness and suffering of death.
There is no such thing as getting peace of mind or being able to atone for your sins.

If you know how painful it is, don't give others the same pain.
Don't let more people suffer.

I also had the experience of being preceded by my eldest daughter, so I painfully understand your parents' feelings.
It was 20 years ago, and it still hurts my heart to think about it.
However, the only way is to keep an eye on it and live hard, even if you are forced to do something else.

Please think about it.
Wouldn't you regret it even more if you disobeyed the kindness of his parents who warmly welcomed you?

There will always come a day when the years and encounters with people gradually disappear from everyday life.
Don't give in to the current pain and run away.

I sincerely hope that the 100-day break will not be a break in your life, but a break with the reality of his suicide.