I don't understand my wife

Please read this first.
https://192abc.com/10016
It's 4 months after delivery, so that's enough. There are plenty of comic essays in this area.
However, my wife is also concerned about the temperature difference between mom and people who aren't moms in a friend group. Please don't clean up everything due to postpartum depression. It's quite a bit of a problem.

Also, women have maternal instincts, so it's easy to think that they would be happy if they were able to have children, but that's not true. My home is at work, so I'm watching my wife's child-rearing up close, but in reality, I have the image of a mother sharing it with her children while cutting down on her own mind and body. Raising children is hard. Please cuddle up to them and support them.

Well, this subject is written in the book “The Man Who Doesn't Listen, the Woman Who Can't Read Maps - Male Brain/Female Brain Solves Mysteries.”
“Long ago, men went out hunting, and women lived in villages or even earlier in groups. It's an age where there are no police. Women's disagreements within the group directly resonate with child-rearing and their own safety. As a result, communication skills have developed, and they have evolved to feel joy in empathy and affection.”
(That's why I feel so alienated from my old friends)

In fact, it doesn't necessarily make sense for a woman who evolved to live in a community to “enter a family” at such times. In the past, she was a “wife” within a community of local communities or in work = family business, so that itself was like a workplace. However, local communities have collapsed, and the environment has changed in the modern age where all housework is done indoors.

Also, it may be that what they look for in a job (workplace) is different from men who evolved to aim higher in a group with all hunting results.
In fact, according to Meiji University Professor Morotomi Yoshihiko's research, it is known that full-time housewives have more stress than part-time housewives. Then, while children are small, they leave them at nursery school and go to work, and it is recommended that the mother stay at home during the time when the child returns home during puberty.

I can't stand the hardships, but why don't you walk up so we can understand each other without getting to know each other

Due to the character limit, remove the beginning and add
According to the previous professor, there is no scientific evidence at all that “it is not good to be separated from your mother at an early age and leave her in a nursery school.” American research has also shown results that “good families = good daytime childcare> families that don't face their families.”

Good evening

I don't think you've noticed it yourself, but there are a few places where you think it's unavoidable to be said that they discriminate against women. Be careful about making decisions and imposing ideas.

Is it really happy for the wife to fully enter the family? In addition to conveying your opinions to your wife, listen carefully to her thoughts as well.

The answer isn't something you give, nor is it something a monk twists. It's something you and your wife work together to derive it.

Okuta

I read the questions and answers up until now. Let's say your idea was 100% correct. But even if you're right, do you know that your thoughts and attitudes can't make your wife and child happy?

Surely, he would impose his father's thoughts on the child and say, “Dad is right!” It will teach you that.

You know women are emotional creatures. I need money, but I want love. Love is about being understood and respected as a person.

You're not giving it away. I'm not trying to get close to the crying wife's feelings.

Women may be emotional and stupid, but did you also know that they are strong and strong?

If I were to receive advice from my wife, I thought about how I would respond.

“If they don't respect you as a single person and don't try to understand each other, think of it as a credit card that works for your husband. You might answer, “While your child is small, think so, and put up strength for independence.”

No, my wife is smart, so she probably thinks so while crying. For the sake of my kids, I'm going to do my best right now. There is no deeper sorrow than not being respected as a person. Do you want to be someone who only carries prey? Wouldn't you like to have a family where you trust and help each other?

Even if they were able to be persuaded superficially, I want them to notice that it has caused deep and serious damage to the wife's heart.

There is certainly one side where your opinion is correct. I can see that they are doing it because they think it's good, and that they are working hard for their children and children. But at this rate, your wife's heart will leave you.

Love is not about imposing what you think is right. It's an attitude of trying to understand the other person and hoping for “the other person's happiness.”

I sincerely hope that you will be able to realize that and become a true good husband and good father. Senryu

Okuta-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

Higashida Naoki, who has severe autism and is also a writer, was mentioned on one of the following programs.

“I believe that because life is important, it is not something that connects, it is something that comes to an end. If lives are connected, what will happen to people who are no longer connected? Are they clutching the baton and crying, or are they at a loss? Just thinking about it makes me feel sad. Get through life. Those left behind will see that figure and continue to live their own lives.”

If it were your logic, what exactly would happen to people who can't work, people who can't get married, and people who can't have children due to some unavoidable reason, etc.

Every person lives in different circumstances. Along with mutual understanding of these differences, I think it is important to help each other, support each other, and have consideration and concern as complements when necessary, in order to live better with each other.

Please listen to your wife's feelings honestly, and by all means, try to be close to her feelings as much as possible.

Raising children is a trifecta for two. There are times when only the wife raises children and doesn't let them bear too much housework. I think that by cooperating with each other, my wife and my next child will do well while returning to work.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Successful people always have family crises. Well, to put it simply, a “husband thinks” his success is his wife's success.” But my wife doesn't think so. On the other hand, there is a law of being jealous of your husband and “certifying yourself as a bad person.”

I think the following book will be helpful for the causes and countermeasures in that area. http://www.hmv.co.jp/userreview/bookreco/product/3254067/

Good evening. I read the story and thought, “Oh, this is the entrance to growing up as a married couple.”
They are probably two people who fell in love with each other and got married. However, they are all individuals who originally grew up in different families and lived with different values. As is often said, “Marriage is not a goal, but a start. I think it's true that “we're going to take our time and grow up as a couple.” After going through this kind of specific, immediate problem.
My own values are that once you have children, you should do your best to raise them for the time being. A married couple, right? And my wife... had the same values. So the two of us raised our children without any discrepancies there.
However, my wife said, “Oh, I've lost my point of contact with society. If you feel “lonely and want to work again soon,” I think I wanted to respect that. If you want to make up, I think there's no better way to start by first listening to her thoughts and then recognizing them. As long as it says “they don't understand my thoughts,” there will be no reconciliation. It seems like you have made your own suggestions, but you have to accept them. If so, shouldn't we both search for a landing point or a proposal to put it on?
So I think the landing point will probably be halfway between “becoming a full time housewife” and “working as hard as before marriage.” So let's start for now and make adjustments as we go along. I think there will be “growth as a married couple” during that adjustment process.
Fortunately, you can control the company's personnel affairs to some extent, right? Even if the two of them put up with it little by little, wouldn't it be good for the two of them to search for a form where they can both say “that's the case”?

Also, read “thank you.”
You yourself are free to think about all kinds of men and women. But is that going to make the world better? Will the couple get along? That's another story. What is more important is whether “the couple understands each other and is on good terms” rather than whether “I'm right” or not, isn't it? Incidentally, there are quite a few stories about women raising children feeling alienated from society.
If you say “the job was taken by ○○,” isn't that just because your abilities are poor?