I'm going to die tonight.

I read it. I read that you are in a situation where you are very tired and have run out of soul. You're certainly going to be in a very difficult situation. I sincerely understand your painful feelings.
I also understand that you want to end that life.
I have thought and tried that way over and over again, but I stopped. And even though it's only slightly alive, I hope it can be useful to people even just a little bit.

When I was a kid, I thought my mom would die over and over again. Then he told me he was about to die. Every day must have been an unbearable day of living hell for my mother, and she was driven moment by moment by bipolar disorder. Even now, I think back to my mother's sad expression and her painful and frightening loneliness at that time. However, in the end, my mother didn't die. I don't think she was able to die, leaving me and my little sister behind.
I was barely living, standing on the edge of despair. If my mother had died just like that, I also think I would have died due to a mental illness, and I also think that I would have died due to mental illness. At any rate, I don't think I was who I am now. Life really is a fine line. What kind of fear and loneliness will your child experience if your life is cut off? I still remember the fear and hopeless loneliness of that time.

I sincerely hope that you will stay alive. I hope you can live for your children too.
You are an irreplaceable and unique mother to your child. Your kids really need you.

Please take a good rest first. Please get a good night's sleep. Please rest your mind even for a moment. There is always a way out in life. The way we look at things and think about things also changes depending on the time.

To be honest, I'm really thankful that my mother didn't pass away at that time. Otherwise, I wouldn't be where I am now. I don't really know how life is going to turn.
There are also many precious lives lost due to accidents, wars, and disasters.
It may be unavoidable and unavoidable, but it does not change the lives that are important to each of us.

I sincerely pray that you and your children will overcome hardships from now on and live a happy and healthy life.

Good evening Miko, I read it. I think it's really painful to meet people, break up, and feel hopeless about not being able to understand the current pain. I feel lonely again and now I think I want to run away more than anything else. When you understand that feeling, you are living now to the fullest, thank you so much for your hard work, and you are doing your best. On top of that, let me talk about first of all, a memorial service for an ancestor, even if you don't build a tomb or go to visit a grave, it will be a splendid memorial service if you could join hands with that person. And even now, from now on, those people will be watching over you with the Buddha while worrying about you. There is no way they are involved in your misfortune; on the contrary, they are always hoping for your happiness. Also, you have children, and I think the main reason for your child's rebellious period is that you want to confirm your love for your child (if you are a child, they are hungry for your love for yourself). There is plenty of love for children in writing, but I'm also guessing that I can't afford it right now. It's definitely not your fault either. On top of that, it would be nice if you could watch over your child after committing suicide, but do you want to watch over a child who is abandoned by you and breaks down crying? Can you stand it? At that time, there's nothing you can do anymore. As the person from Tojo said yesterday, please rest your mind now. Once you have rested your mind and calmed down a bit, you will surely be able to see the path to the happiness you desire. You will definitely be happy, so please believe in it and take a day off now. I also pray from the bottom of my heart. You're not alone, are you?
Please read Thank You
First of all, thank you for being alive, and I think your children are probably suffering together in their own way even though they feel your suffering. You know, you're not suffering alone; your child is taking care of half of your suffering. And you don't want to die, as you wrote yourself; I think you actually want someone to snuggle up to and support you. Aren't there people who support them, people who stay by their side, and children? Your ancestors, Buddha, and many monks are worried about you in this way because of that relationship. You're not alone, and you're sure to be happy.

I know it's hard. What I'm about to write
It ignores morality.

The only way is to die. It's the same for me.
To live is to die.
However, we both don't know when that will happen.

You want to die, you live your life wishing you want to die,
In the midst of that, you may die of a heart attack.
No one can stop it.
I have no choice but to leave it up to you.

Abandon the “selfish” existence called “me,”
There is no choice but to leave everything to nature.

Before committing suicide, first
Please kill the “selfish me” in my heart.
Then it will hurt your body.

If you hit a knife in your hand, blood will come out,
Why does blood come out?
Blood is produced to protect the body.

If you run a rope around your neck, a large amount of body fluid
It's flowing from everywhere, but why is that?
In order to protect the body, in order to lighten the body even a little and stay alive
It's going to come out.

The body exists “to protect.”
what? It's the heart.
Originally, the mind also functions to protect the body.
However, both body and mind are affected by “illness.”

If you're sick, it won't function properly.
Now, the heart that would otherwise “want to live” says “I want to die”
The reason it's happening is because I'm “sick.”

You may not notice it yourself,
I feel the “life of life” from each and every one of your letters.
However, the opposite idea has arisen.
I'm in a “sick” state.
When we get sick, we go to the “hospital,” as is the case.

First, let's say today is a day to kill “selfish me,”
I would like you to visit the hospital tomorrow and receive psychological treatment.
Then it will hurt your body.

Also, even if I wish for the child's future, children with parents who committed suicide
I'm telling you that it doesn't seem like it will make you think about suffering,
Even if you can hold a sad child if you're alive,

If you die, you can only “watch”.

It couldn't be more pathetic.
It's not you who are suffering, but your child.
That's why they rebel. It's the “right heart.”

Peace be upon you. Fortunately, that is.

First, forget about him.

Also, if you manage to live on welfare, please live as it is.
Please put your child first.
You are the only mother in this world.
It's probably stressful during the rebellious period, but since the rebellious period is a path everyone goes through, you don't have to assume that you haven't been able to raise children.
Please tell them a story.
Please listen to them.
Only a mother can do that with peace of mind.

Please live for your kids too.

Thinking “I want to die” is probably a symptom of “depression.”
If that is the case, if “depression” is somehow alleviated, the feeling of “wanting to die” should automatically disappear.
“I want to die” is just a “feeling” created by the brain, and it is neither an objective fact nor an absolute reality.
Your heart and lungs probably want to live.

Please consult your medical institution.

“I want to die” is just a “feeling.”
Try living every second while getting along well with that kind of “feeling.”
People who can live 1 second can live 1 minute.
People who can live 1 minute can live 1 day.

Because of my work, I deal with a lot of people. I listen to the stories of various people, watch the lives of many people, and die of many people.
Among them, there are people who can't help but feel that only this person has to suffer so much... I wonder why they aren't so equal... I wonder why unhappiness that they can't help themselves overlap...

But, that's why I think it's a waste. You posted this question 3 hours ago, and 5 more have been answered, and thank you for 29. This is a great pace, isn't it?
There are people who have thought so much about you... there must still be good encounters in the world, and I was able to meet them in this way here, and there will still be more... yet it would be a waste.
It's a wonderful way to live a life where you don't want to blame your ancestors. I think it would be a waste to have people who never stop being selfish even though they want them to think so and keep persuading them.
Still, I wonder why I can't do anything...

There is just one thing I would like to ask. Let's not die tonight. Please observe for 2 or 3 days to see how far your responses and thanks grow. There are times in the world when there are many suicide deaths. It's midnight and dawn. After all, it makes people crazy at night. That's not true! I want to die day and night! You might think that. But let's stop tonight.
You can die anytime. If that's the case, you'd better die when you're calm. They say they think it would be nice if they could watch over their children even if they commit suicide, but it's painful to just watch over them and not be able to do anything. I wonder why I can't do anything... Even if you regret it after death, it's irretrievable. Let's stop tonight so we don't regret it.

If you think I'm cruel, you can think so. But let's stop tonight.

Good morning.

I'm sorry I didn't notice your question last night. I'm sorry.

Hasunoha is also a consulting agency.

I hope you can still count on me.

A memorial service is not a form; the feeling and heart of making a memorial service is important, and there are no ancestors to curse in the first place, and even if you can't do the memorial service, all of us monks offer memorial services to everyone every day. Please don't worry.

“Hopefully, with this merit, we and sentient beings will all practice Buddhism by applying it to everything in general.”

I want you to be deterred once again for the sake of your precious children.

We look forward to hearing your questions today as well.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Miko, when you're gone, children will suffer more than you. First, live even if it's hard.

I'm close to your area, so I can drive for 2 hours. Call 09060410193 or & メールkongozaji@renge.net Let's talk about various things. It's not too late to commit suicide even after talking about it, is it? There are lots of people who want to help you. Gassho

Let's do it after making sure your child is happy.
Dying is easy, but I want you to take a little more responsibility for your child.
If you die, your child will lose his way.
Right now, you're probably dealing with “things” within you that only you can see.
Isn't that not real?
It should be invisible to the naked eye.
You probably don't even understand “it,” which you've been dealing with right now. That's why I'm bound to myself.
What I saw when I wanted to die myself was “that.”
It's my world, my story, and my thoughts.
Even Buddha was tormented by “that” = Mara.
What's more, it causes a kind of euphoria if you stay immersed in it all the time.
Your first Maboroshi is dead. I'm disillusioned.
That's what was lost.
The ideals you had hoped for have been destroyed, just disillusioned.
What's lost isn't there.
There is only one human. alone.
Why don't you really have the power to be alone?
The power to break through loneliness is the power to truly be alone.
It only appears when you throw it away, throw it away, throw it away.
Please throw away my story.
Before I kill you, try to destroy that story of yours, your pride, and the castle you wanted it to be like this from within your head.
We are always waiting for your call.
I'll tell you how to spot “there.”
Mara is “something” within you.
Once you understand that, you will be freed from that spell.
People who have suffered, just like you, can save many people.