There is a haze in the marital relationship

Nice to meet you and thank you for your support.

My husband lied to me, and I can't trust him anymore.
With a woman my husband met through a dating chat this year after 2 years of marriage
It turned out that the two of them were meeting alone.
He said, “It was a brainchild. There was nothing. I just had tea.
I thought this place was bad, so I haven't contacted them myself anymore,
I don't even use chat.” With that said, he's basically a husband who doesn't tell lies,
I believed those words, and he himself said, “There's nothing wrong with this one,
It's my fault. He apologized, saying, “I'll never do it again.”

However, emails and phone calls with multiple women I've met through online dating before
There was a time when we exchanged photos, and even at that time, they said, “It's uncomfortable
Tell them, “I'm shocked, so I want you to stop it,”
They must have promised, “I will never dislike this place.”

It seems like they did that kind of thing a few times during the relationship period after that,
It doesn't seem like it's developing into an affair, so
I've also become a more adult, and I wonder if it's like a game or something like that
I thought I had no idea, so I didn't talk about it.

However, this time, after getting married, and the fact that they actually met, I just can't forgive them.

On the day they met again, despite having an appointment with me,
He contacted the woman and found out that they happened to be close to each other
It seems that the two of them met up.

The fact that you broke a promise you made to me, and that you put me and that woman on the scale
Even now, my intestines are boiling over and over again.

Recently, my husband came back again less than half a year after we were in agony
I found out that I was entering and leaving the same chat as before.

I'm wondering if I have no choice but to think that dating is already a “habit.”
It's just frustrating and sad that I was lied to.
Just because he's a husband who is said to be a “good person” by people around him,
I even feel like I'm being looked down upon.
It makes me doubt that it will lead to even bigger lies in the future.

There are also couples with more serious problems in the world
I know in my head that I'm not being mature to make a fuss about this kind of thing.
But I can't come to terms with my feelings...

3 Zen Responses

How to pet a cat

He's probably trying to shape what he couldn't do with you.
The feeling of being in a relationship, a date, an ideal situation, and atmosphere.
I think a real life with you has begun, and that has been lost.
It's a story I often hear.
If I start with the conclusion, it would be good for women to lose their sense of life a little more and enhance their lover status.
Marriage is super real.
On dates, etc., we always look good for each other.
I can only show you good places.
However, it is true that what he is actually looking for is that kind of feeling.
I think you should make an effort before an affair becomes serious.
Women go from lover to wife depending on the person, but I hear that there are many people who suddenly have a full sense of life and have a different personality from when they once met their husband's lover.
That probably makes men feel lonely and look at other good-looking people.
It's probably the male version of Don't Feed the Fish You Catch.
Please, don't get angry here (since you get angry or grumpy, your feelings will move further and further away from you, and there is also a possibility that you won't be seen as a woman)
Oh, well, I did a bad thing; if you gently wrap him up with a sense of dignity, I think he'll fall in love with him as if a cat purrs.
I don't know where I want him to be stroked, but I think the place where he purrs like a cat is itchy, where I want him to be stroked, and where I want him to be buried.
By the way, when you pet a dog or cat that you don't like, if you do it from above, they will bite you and they won't like it enough. You will be wary if you don't show that there is no hostility from below.

When you want your husband to change, start with yourself

In order to improve marital relationships in the future, the first thing to do is to clean up until now. You probably think you've forgiven it until now, but the fact that it comes up as a hot topic in this way is probably unforgivable. Also, getting angry may be a way to express your feelings, but please keep calm and talk about how sad or lonely you would be if such a thing happened to you.

Even if you're a married couple, it's very difficult to change partners. I think the only thing you need to keep in mind is to determine what your husband is looking for and put it into practice. Your husband may also change as a result.

Pictures of the moment words are uttered

Hello. There are times when I feel the fragility (fragility) of words.
You can tell by saying, “I'll definitely play next time.” However, the possibility that this will happen is not that high.
Of “I will love this person as my partner for the rest of my life”... how many people actually make it happen?
So are words meaningless? is this worse if you believe it?
But it's not there. There are things that many people are unaware of.
Probably in any language, words always have abbreviated words attached to them. What does that mean

“So far, this is what I think” has been omitted.

I usually only talk about “~” in I think that ~ in English.
This is true for everyone, all the time.
When I say “I'm going to make curry tonight,” the exact translation is “I'm thinking of making curry tonight.”

So, as a caveat for listeners in particular,
① For the time being, I'm happy that they think so now.
② There is no guarantee that they will feel the same way in the future, for example 1 year from now.
③ Whether they feel the same way at that time depends on the environment at that time (in particular, the person who was told, etc.).
It's because you should know it.

Even if you say “absolutely” or “a lifetime,” it's all just “I think so now” ^_^. And it's just like each other. So promises are scary, aren't they? let alone an oath or something.

So, I'll sum it up.
When I say “absolutely,” I calmly add “you thought so just now” (just in my brain).
At least it's not backwards, and since it says the best expression “absolutely,” the listener expresses joy.
Whether or not that happens is pretty much up to you.
① If you take the words “You said that back then,” things usually don't go well when you take them hostage.
② I notice for myself that I asked for “absolute,” or at least what I was looking for. In other words, the responsibility of two people.

Which one do you prefer? It's probably ②, isn't it?
If that's the case, why don't you take it to a collaborative effort where “what about me, I wonder if I can make his words come true”? Don't you think you'll be much closer to him than being compared on a scale?

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