I don't rejoice at people's success

Susumusama

Nice to meet you, my name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.
There was a question and answer before, “I hate myself for not being able to rejoice in my friends' happiness.” May I take a look there first?
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/124

I wrote it over there, but it seems that humans have a feeling of being relatively happy when they see the misfortunes of others, without body or lid. If you turn it around, it can also be said that seeing the happiness of others makes you feel unhappy.
A high priest called Shinran Shonin from the Kamakura period described himself as “I couldn't stop being malignant, and my heart became like a snake scorpion.” “The evil nature of humans is hard to stop. It means “just like a poisonous snake or poisonous scorpion.”

Susumu said, “If you are close, your negative feelings will become stronger, and you can honestly rejoice at the success of someone you are not close to,” but is this determined by relationships with that person regardless of the success details of others?

In my case, I'm jealous when people get what I want, and I honestly rejoice when I get something that has nothing to do with me. It depends more on the success of others than on relationships. How is Susumu-san?

I also wrote it at the link above, but why don't you first acknowledge that this is a natural human emotion? As you said, it's an emotion that everyone has to a greater or lesser extent.

At least on the surface, they are happy together, so I don't think Susumu has a bad personality at all.

If you feel like you don't like that personality, what
Isn't there an external factor?
“The closer the relationship, the stronger that feeling.”
There is,
For example, be honest even if something like that happens to your parents
Don't you feel like you're not happy?
If you do that, there may be some kind of problem with the parent-child relationship.
Your father or mother is against you, not you
Don't you have that kind of feeling?
Or wasn't there such a relationship where they were discriminated against by siblings?
If that's always been the case, then go back to that origin,
Please look back and look for the cause.

if you succeed in something that makes others happy
Aren't you happy?
Now it's time to share that happy feeling with others.
If you do a little thing and get them to say “thank you”
Aren't you happy?
If you're happy, then let's do it for someone else.
I'm sure that person will be happy too. That kind of small accumulation is important.
Just as there is a saying “if dust piles up, it becomes a mountain”
If you fill your heart little by little with that feeling
I'm sure something will change.

It is quite difficult for us humans to break the afflictions of envy, jealousy, anger, sadness, love and hate. It may be close to impossible.
There are times when I myself honestly don't rejoice. When I'm worried that things aren't going the way I want, I especially can't honestly accept the other person's joy. This is an emotion that everyone has, and it doesn't exist at all! There aren't any people like that.
Maybe that's why they're aware of their opponents (rivals, comrades).

Susumu-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

“Jealousy” is one type of affliction, and it's really troublesome.

http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/嫉

As for jealousy and distress, I have dealt with them slightly in the following questions until now.

Question “I want to get rid of the feeling of jealousy. I want to make it lighter.”
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/134

Question “What are people's worries”
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/82

Question “What is the ugliest thing in the world”
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/66

I think I'll explain it this time from a slightly different point of view from the content of the humble answer above.

In Buddhism, there is the word “joy of joy.”

As the letter suggests, “joy accompanies,” but it is about arousing a heart of joy about other people's good deeds, mercy, and altruism, and following their merits.

Speaking of “Suiki Kudoku,” the Lotus Suki Sutra's “Suiki Kudohin 18” is famous, but it is essential in Buddhism that good deeds, mercy, and altruism performed to save those who are lost or suffering are truly appreciated and precious, and it is essential in Buddhism to cause me to prepare myself so that I can do it well eventually.

In most cases, jealousy occurs due to worldly desires, but even in worldly matters, if you want to succeed in the same way, I know that it is desirable to refrain as much as possible, rejoice together if possible, and work hard to adjust yourself because you want to succeed in the same way.

I am aware that if possible, aiming for success not “for myself,” but “for people, for society and the world,” will naturally lead to self-improvement. It is called “self-interest, etc.,” but in Buddhism, it is becoming more important to further aim for good virtue, mercy, and altruism “for all those who are lost or suffer.”

It's quite difficult to get rid of worries such as jealousy, but by all means, let's work hard together.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

As Tetsuya Urakami says, the “emotion of not being able to rejoice in people's success” that you are worried about is “a natural human emotion.” First, it's probably going to be divisible.

On top of that, wouldn't it be good to do what Kawaguchi Hidetoshi said, “Be happy to share the joys of others together, and if you both succeed in the same way, be diligent.”

That said, it's quite difficult... but I think it's okay to do it gradually.
Even if you overdo it, you'll just be impatient, and it won't work...

To Susumu-san

The success of someone close to you is honestly something you want to be happy about but you're not happy; you want to change your appearance but you can't, it must be painful

As for my opinion after reading the question, Susumu seems to have some kind of inferiority complex

I'm sure that's because you don't have confidence

because anxiety is a sign of lack of confidence

I think Susumu has a strong idea of contrasting things

In other words, I think this kind of thing is superior to Mr. A, and that this kind of thing is inferior to Mr. B

If you're not jealous of someone you're not close to, you probably won't be frustrated because there aren't many points to compare and you can't contrast

On the other hand, best friends and lovers can clearly see the “roughness” of someone who is close

They feel that they are “people similar to themselves” for better or worse, so when their opponent gets excellent results, they probably feel “left behind”

I saw that that was the true nature of “feeling frustrated, lonely, and anxious”

We will propose a solution based on that assumption

First, let's accept ourselves by “not denying ourselves being jealous of others.” It's painful to deny yourself; all you have to do is accept “I feel this kind of emotion”

Part 2: Comparing someone who “has a purpose” is proof that Susumu's field of view is getting narrower. I can only see the other person, so if I have some purpose and think about things based on the standard “am I getting closer to my goal,” the habit of “contrasting with someone” will probably disappear

“Having confidence” Confidence is not something that can be recognized by anyone, and it is written as “believing in oneself” as a character. Let's believe in ourselves even if things aren't going well right now

I'm sorry for the sloppy answer due to the number of characters

Funny parables
You are a turnip. My parents are turnips too.
Your parents tell you to be a bigger cub.
Even if I want to meet my expectations, the roots don't grow at all because the nutrients don't match or aren't enough in my field. “That's strange, that's strange,” and when you noticed, you were a “Nozawana” whose roots remained small and only grew leaves, so you died.
My parents said they should take root more, and people around me were successful and I lost my confidence.
However, at one point, they receive a ferocious attack from a person called “Suki ❤” mentaiko.
The two have become onigiri and are a great match.
You've regained your confidence. “Well, it's not turnips anymore, it's fine.” “Yes ❤”

You start with successful Takana-kun and Komatsuna-kun, and you gently tweet to your parents in your heart.
“This is what it looks like when I tried my best to live in this field in my own way. That's why I live my life.”
Whether it's the same turnip or daikon, the shape and taste change depending on the field and soil.

Therefore, you don't need to succeed in the turnip group, carrot group, or daikon faction.
It's about growing a lot of leaves as Nozawa Napa and Nozawa Na-ryu, and continuing to grow your own leaves until one day when you receive a ferocious attack from cod roe and mentaiko saying wonderful ❤.
Incidentally, my rival Takana also succeeded in as far away as Kyushu, and now it may be an indispensable part of tonkotsu ramen. It seems that Komatsuna-kun also raised the flag for komatsuna udon and komatsuna aojiru in Funabashi, Chiba.
But there are endless possibilities for you too.
Please join forces with Umeboshi, Takuan, and Iritama-san who are compatible to create lots of delicious rice balls. lol
No, it's just a parable.
Punchline: “Don't mess with your parents or anyone else.”
From the reference scripture “Cookpad”

Does it mean “we can't rejoice in people's success, but on the surface, we can rejoice together.”
“Is Tokudo (Buddhist practice) obtained with the heart or with the body (action)” shown by Dogen Zenji in the “Shohōgenzō Zuifunki”. In response to the question “You can get it by doing it right.” I answered. The reasons were written in various ways, but in summary, “once the body (actions) are in place, the mind will gradually be prepared.” That's it.
Why is Susumu happy together, even on the surface? I don't know the reason, but I think that if you put your thoughts into words honestly, your relationships with your friends will break down, and you'll think you're someone who can't read the air. That feeling is caring, and you probably think that speaking honestly about your thoughts means taking risks. If that's the case, it's the same as before. I'm not happy, but I think praising people for their success is less risky. If we continue to do that, I think naturally, the feeling of “not being happy with people's success, but on the surface, we can rejoice together” will disappear. That might be tomorrow. Maybe I'm about to die. I can't guarantee someday either. it's not bad.

Why did the turtle in the children's story “The Rabbit and the Turtle” beat the rabbit?
That's because they “didn't compare.”

Don't envy excellent opponents or be scolded for self-loathing
This is because I looked only at what I needed to do and did my best without hesitation.

A Burmese monk, Ashin Sanddika, describes jealous people with the scathing phrase “breathing corpse.”
When we envy others, we stop our most important job... living “now, here, me,” and growing as people.

The feeling of “arrogance (pride)” of comparing oneself to others is such a strong stain on the mind that it can only be removed at the very end of training.
So, we all have times when our heart aches when we're jealous.

However, the mind is a strange thing that can be changed through training.
If you've already realized that “it's painful to feel like this,” you'll surely be able to change for the better.
It would be nice if you could use your limited time and abilities to amplify happiness for yourself and those around you.

※The children's story analogy was inspired by a book I had read in the past, but I forgot the source.

To the way forward

It's definitely not all bad.
Wouldn't it be better to turn jealousy into one's own power?
The fact that questions have already been asked in this way is proof that they feel uncomfortable.

Be sure to be positive and say that this time you will succeed in your work, hobbies, etc.
I would like you to change it to power. Gassho