My husband has tantrums.

　To Koiwai-san
Do you enjoy your marital life first? That's the problem. When couples live together for a long time, they fight and even make up. This is “Marital quarrels don't eat dogs either.” I say, but I don't know until I talk about something more specific.
As an extreme argument,
① If you love your husband, get proper treatment at a coworking or medical institution. At that time, you too should get treatment. From my point of view as a third person, you also seem to be mentally ill.
② If you don't love them, take a stand once and for all. Hard things don't last until the old age hole. Think about how you feel mentally at ease. Breaking up is the best thing, but let's consider separation as well.
But before that,
My husband, no, men aren't that soft (soft). I don't bring my work to the office. What a wonderful husband. I'm much better than my husband, who is involved in the family when it comes to work. Why don't you just condone games? I don't often meet people who blame themselves without blaming others. I also just blame people. Tokugawa Ieyasu's “Life Lesson” says, “Don't blame people. Blame yourself.” There is a saying, but it may be better not to take it negatively.
They probably spend their time outside with so much patience. It may be someone who has what is known as “humiliation” in Rokuharami. I spend my time outside wearing armor of humiliation, so isn't it okay to let my husband take off his armor of humiliation when he is at home? I said I should go to a medical institution first, but before that, if you acknowledge your husband who forgives you at home and only plays games, you should cherish your time in the meantime.
The secret to a successful marriage isn't always a form of working together. Acknowledging each other's time and life is also the key to a successful marriage. No matter what people around you (relatives, parents, neighbors, etc.) say, let's make them think that the couple is happy and that they are happy with each other. The shape of a married couple is different for each person.

Koiwaisama

Nice to meet you.

> When my husband has a tantrum, he hits things and screams loudly.
It's a very painful story, but I think it will become DV (domestic violence) even if there is no physical violence.

Even if you don't physically hurt Koiwai-san, you won't be able to control yourself and hurt yourself.

> My husband thinks he's a useless person without me.
Does your husband think this? Or is Koiwai-san thinking about it?
It could be both.
However, this is a state called “dependency,” and it only leads to a negative spiral.

In Buddhism, there is the term “wisdom wisdom,” and that person's world is created by that person, and it is impossible to change others.

Even if you try to save or change your husband, I think it's quite difficult.

It seems that Koiwai also misunderstood the loud sound, cried a lot, and couldn't afford to go home.

Here, it might be better to keep a distance from your husband and see a specialist doctor.
If you think that you can change each person's life with your own power, you're making a big mistake.

A state where one person can't afford it and hurts their surroundings is not easy to cure.
I think it will take a few years.

I think it's essential to keep a little distance.

are you alright?
This situation isn't good for either of them, and if you put up with it like this, nothing will be solved.
My husband's parents were also consulted, and treatment at a medical institution is probably necessary. My husband can't control his mind either, and it must be painful.

If my husband is treated positively, I also want him to understand and support him.
I'm worried about your health too.
I want you to return to a life where you can live a safe everyday life as soon as possible.

Along with treating your husband, try keeping a distance between the couple. You'll also notice each other's needs. If that's not possible, consider choosing a different path for each other.

The relationship between you and your husband is called codependency, and it indicates a state where you and a specific partner are overly dependent on that relationship and are trapped in that human relationship.
The two codependents are said to have many immature people with self-love, and it is said that there are many cases of personality disorder, and it is said that this is because both codependents and codependents tend to depend on the value of others.
Also, since it is a phenomenon seen in domestic violence (DV) and abuse, etc., we recommend that you keep a distance from your husband once.

Please see the address below for details.
http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/共依存

Also, since we are members of the “NPO corporation Suicide Prevention Network Style,” we have more than a certain amount of knowledge about this and the like.
If you like, please visit the “NPO corporation suicide prevention network style” website from the address below or call 090-3390-2137 (mobile phone for consultation only), we can listen to your story and give advice

I saw your reply.
You can call us anytime.
However, it cannot be taken during legal affairs. It wasn't bad at that time...
Please try calling me a few times.

“NPO corporation suicide prevention network style” website address
http://www.soudannet-kaze.jp/

When I listen to various stories, it seems that they are similar to symptoms of developmental disabilities.
I'm not a bad person, but people around me have a hard time.
If that's the case, I think it would be easier to divide it by that.

To Koiwai-sama

Thank you for your hard work.
How troubled you are
It came through very well from the sentences. Are you alright?

Tell him how I feel now
How worried and how much trouble are you
Why don't you tell him your true intentions?

The two had a relationship and became a married couple.
It has some meaning.

Isn't the first way to get him to notice you is to honestly tell him how you feel? Gassho

3 pieces of advice
① Both your partner and you are looking for understanding
The conversation seems to be getting a little complicated, but in short, I think the main part is where we can't communicate well. What both you and your husband should look for the most is to understand each other's hardships and hardships.
Let's make concessions and first ask them what they want them to understand. That alone makes the distance closer.
② Marital relationships centered on indulgence
Below, the word indulgence is used, but I would like you to read it in the sense of being able to entrust your heart to the other person, or to be able to take care of it.
Is there a place where we can't be spoiled even if we want to spoil each other?
I don't think they can be called a married couple if they play a good wife and play a good husband, and continue to be actors with each other.
It's something that keeps you thirsty somewhere without being satisfied with your love. There are times when it doesn't satisfy that and it becomes bogged down. Incidentally, nothing needs to be treated as a mental illness.
If you think you're finally at your limit, relying on a psychiatrist is one method, but some people feel safe if they are labeled as mentally ill, but depending on the person, they may lose negative consciousness for a long period of time, so your husband has a high level of pride (seems high?) I don't really recommend it in any case.
If we're going anyway, let's go together. We will eliminate each other's disparities.
I think it would be nice to have a conversation with a monk at a temple (it doesn't matter if it's at home).
③ Use words according to each other's pride
If you want a change from your partner, you should go from being soft on your own.
How about changing the way you perceive yourself, the way you treat your husband, and the expressions in spoken language a little bit?
First, let's change the way you say it to soft and LOVE.
People with high pride are strongly opposed to being denied who they are.
When you have to say something that's really hard to say
You should first bring the words “I want you to understand this because I love and care about you...” Otherwise, they will be withdrawn and repulsed by thinking that they will be warned or scolded.
Make it soft so that your opponent doesn't think it's an “advice, denial, accusation, improvement.” If you can do this, you would be a good wife.
Don't look at lofty ideals from what you can do. (^-^) If you finally feel in danger, pack up your luggage and run away to your parents' house. (^O^) My body is the most important thing.