I can't have a good relationship with my father

Life with a lot of trouble

I talked about it and read it.
I haven't been able to build a good relationship with my father since I was little, and I even think “he passed away early...”
It's sad. The questioner who couldn't help but think so, the father who made me think so, and the mother and brother who were watching both are sad.

Is Dad that kind of person outside and at home? Or is this what is called Naibenkei? Either way, judging only by information from “Life with Many Troubles,” it seems close to impossible to build a normal relationship with your father as you are now.

Also, is Dad around 70 years old?
There are many opportunities to see the elderly when you are in a temple. Even people in their 60s and 70s who are stubborn and fully active may calm down a bit when they enter their late 70s to 80s, and their energy may subside.
That said, you can't wait for your dad to become an adult, can you?

The younger brother is probably also struggling with his father's personality.
Please cooperate with your younger brother here, keep a distance from your father as much as possible, and be careful not to fall into a mental disorder yourself.

However, no matter how much they say they will break the relationship, the fact that they are parents and children linked by blood cannot be erased.
I'm hoping the day will come when we can understand each other... but isn't that straightforward?

My relationship with my father... It's painful. I feel lonely for both of them. Since they are parents and children, there are places where they can't draw, and it's hard to say which one is bad. But from your point of view, words from parents are kind of hurtful, aren't they?

There may also be sadness about being preceded by a wife, and there may be a sense of loneliness based on your father's age. When it comes to being alone, men become helplessly timid. Even so, since they have a daughter and son, I wonder if they go on rants.

What do you think of your brother? Do you think about insulation as much as you do?
It really breaks the relationship! Don't you regret it?

I also understand your feelings very well. So why don't you listen to the opinions of your younger brother and relatives without getting carried away by emotions? I don't think it's too late even after that.
If that's the answer that came up, I think my mother would understand it too.
Parents are the ones who wish their children happiness the most. Let's believe it ◎

I think it took a great deal of courage to talk about your father in a state where you would feel unwell (when you think about it). Since it was about my family, I imagine that it was difficult to talk to people around me.
I'm worried that my “troubled life” will be completely exhausted both mentally and physically at this rate.

Please take the following as just one example where there is such a method.

I think it's okay to put all of that aside, whether your father is lonely or maybe sick, and at this time, keep a little distance and have time to calm down with each other. However, please keep visiting graves during the equinox and Obon season, and making souvenirs for your father exactly as before. You can take home a souvenir, greet them and ask them how they are doing, and you should be free right away. It's a blink of an eye, so please at least stick around during that time and give me kind words with a smile.

It becomes the sun of “North Wind and Sun” only 4 times a year on the New Year's Eve and the spring and autumn equinox, and when I get home, I'm like, “Oh, I'm tired, I'm tired!” That said, you should completely forget about your father until the next day of praying.

Life has a lot of trouble, you did your best.
I guess I did what I could do.
Thinking that someday the time will come when we can understand each other, everything I can think of
You've probably executed it.
Even if you can change yourself, by doing it
My mind is in tatters, and I just end up mentally going through my mind.
Even if you can change yourself, it's difficult to change people.
In particular, someone like your father is impossible.
You won't overdo it. What's bad is no good.
There is a saying “horse ears nembutsu.”
Even if a great monk preaches to your father
It's probably going to be like this.
This is because you, the real daughter, are doing more than that.
Even if you get unnecessarily determined as you get older
It's not going to get better.
It's better not to get involved anymore.
It just makes your spirit worse.
Once you get that far, it's natural to think so.
You're not bad.
When I'm with someone who isn't normal, my normal self
Isn't that normal? It makes me think.
If you are often cornered, crimes not committed by the police
It's that state of mind that makes me confess.
Free yourself from everything and feel at ease.

I've probably talked to people around me, but my real parents don't think that way,
It's probably an opinion that you shouldn't think about it that way.
It's a book by actress Tono Nagiko, and she's not her father,
There is a book about my relationship with my mother.
A similar situation is described.
Please read it if you don't mind.

Life with a lot of trouble

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

As I mentioned before in my humble answer below, nothing is as difficult in many ways as love and hate between immediate family members.

Question “relationship with my older brother”
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/80

Normally, I know that it is only when we become close relatives that we often take it for granted that we expect, trust, rely on, and be spoiled. Therefore, as the saying “too much cuteness is a hundred times more hate” and “love and hate is a fine line,” the deeper and deeper that love is there, the more the opposite cog starts spinning, which often leads to major tragedies.

Even considering that half of the murders in Japan are between immediate family members or relatives, I know this may be a slight indication of this. Of course, there are also things where love and hate are not necessarily the only cause unequivocally, such as unreasonable feelings due to life hardships or nursing care exhaustion...

One way to deal with it is to not take the stereotype that it's because it's a father, because it's a child, or because it's a family, that it's natural to have this, and that it's like this in the world, so don't think so strongly.

Even if they are related by blood, of course, there are cases where relationships cannot be built well depending on each personality, temperament, upbringing, and knowledge/experience. After understanding this, I think it is also necessary to deal with it calmly, such as keeping a sufficient distance, being careful not to deal with your partner as much as possible, and keeping relationships to a minimum without worrying until your own heart becomes too sick.

Of course, if there is an act that is too obvious, such as violence or power harassment, it may be necessary to consult with related organizations such as the police. However, in this case, if the other party is excessively opposed, it could lead to a tragedy all at once, so I know that it is important to carefully consult with family and relatives and first make excuses for an amicable and peaceful resolution as much as possible.

Anyway, I recommend that you first understand that there is no need to force yourself to be in a relationship just because you are a parent and child, take it easy, and first have a good discussion with your younger brother about how to deal with your father in the future.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

“No matter how much people say they will break the relationship, the fact that they are a parent and child linked by blood cannot be erased.” Just don't forget this.

After that, there was an exchange of sentiments and the imposition of unreasonable ways of thinking.

If so, you and your younger brother should cooperate, measure a distance with your father, and watch the situation.
Also, please pay close attention to your mental disorder.

I hope you have peace of mind...

This is a true story, but at the age of a funeral, my father scolded his child in the car with continuous taunting remarks in front of me. “Mom, I was worried every day because Temae left without permission, and my illness didn't get better. “First, I couldn't flirt slowly with my mom because you stayed at home forever, and I didn't need a theme!” (←It's true) The kid almost cried, so I thought, “○○-san, you're saying too much...!” When it comes to holding back, ○○-san gave me a signal with his eyes and said in a quiet voice, “(That's fine, to make this guy stand on his own feet).” It's just a scene of being kicked out of Chihiro Valley.
There was also dissatisfaction with the kid who left, and it seems that they did everything they could, saying they had to say it out at this time.
In every family, including my house, there are days when ① I separate from my father ② mother, and there are days when ③ father ④ mother separates from me and children. Every household goes through major conflicts, etc., and each one goes through that day.
It's a family situation, so it's just that it's not often mentioned, and everyone is doing flashy things in their own way. It makes my heart feel lighter when I laugh and play it without hesitation, “Oh, that's what it is.”
The ideal home is one where you can make fun of each other, fend off with humor, and can repair poison even if you spit it out.
Poison flies all the time, even at home, but the hardships of the early Showa era are showing up now, and they have taken root by putting up a lot of reasons. (lol)
Well, even so, I have parents who can't help it.
My friend, an old man in his 70s, also said, “After all, children only belong to mothers,” and somehow I was in a state of giving up. Please take good care of the viewpoint that parents like that also exist.
Everyone thinks our parents are strong, crazy, and terrible.
“Damn, those are bad parents...!” Let's tweet it with hate.
“But if I don't take care of it one day, I'm a 'bad' parent, right?” and let's fix it.
That's where my heart sinks.
First off, congratulations.
Make this your Independence Day (Independence Day) and keep a good distance without leaving. Let's live our lives with the attitude that there is no end to it and that relationships are being repaired.
(^-^)

Towards a troubled life

I was able to tell from the sentence that he has a lot of feelings for my younger brother.

I have no choice but to think that kind of father.
You can't change people; only you can change yourself.

But even such a father is related, and it has some meaning.

The real intention is that they probably want to be good friends about what they want to do in the future.
Maybe it's also necessary to listen to my father's true intentions.

What does your brother think about this?
Please unite the two of you and bump into your father with real intentions.

Also, sometimes it is important to look at things objectively as a third party.
Maybe we'll see something new. Gassho

Why does your father go on a rant?
I think they probably have a very strong sense of inferiority.

So, I hit my family and made a mess and said, “I'm great.”
I think they balance their minds by appealing.

What caused your father to have an inferiority complex
Why don't you think about it deeply?

Normally, it must be due to the relationship between the father and the father's parents.

If you know the cause, your troubled life will be easier,
It is possible to prevent relationships from being linked to the next generation.
This is because you can notice elements similar to your father in a troubled life.

It may be difficult, but if you have even a little awareness, your life will be rich.

I hope you can have a happy life.