I couldn't think of my father anymore.

I've posted about my husband before. This time it's about my biological father. My father is currently 75 years old and lives alone. My father worked seriously for many years and was originally a kind and strict person. The situation changed about 10 years ago from now, and they began to continue handing over money to women they know under the pretext of “lending.” When my younger brother and I noticed, my savings balance was almost gone, and as soon as my monthly pension was paid, they said they were “asked” to lend it. Despite being clearly deceived when viewed from people around them, the other person would never say “because they're a sorry person,” “they're not a deceiver,” or “they return it even little by little,” and “they're returning it even little by little.” My father won't be able to live on his own if his savings run out and his pension is paid right away. They said, “There's nothing to eat today,” and they wanted me to send money every month. But I didn't talk about the person I was dealing with, and when it came to money, my face changed, and I got angry with my father who tried to take my wallet if it was right in front of me, so I stopped supporting money at all.
If I have all my pensions, I'll give you the full amount right away, so now my younger brother manages it and I'm sending money little by little to my father, but as soon as I send the money, I say “because I lent it again” and request additions. My brother says his father seems to be mind controlled by that person.
At the same time, I think back to my childhood memories, etc., but even if I subtract the fact that he was a kind father, I don't like my current father and it's irresistible.
When my relative's uncle recommended that I live with my younger brother, my father said, “It's better to die.” I burst into tears thinking that I'm glad my brother's wife wasn't there.
My mother's memorial service used to be proper, but I haven't done anything for the past few years, saying that it's going to cost money. A relative who was very indebted to me the other day passed away, but the first thing I said was “I have incense.” The fact that my younger brother is managing my pension is also said to have been “taken.”
Neither I nor my younger brother trust my father anymore, and they are unavoidably involved just because they are parents on the family register, but do fathers like this have to have feelings of compassion for their parents?

7 Zen Responses

Toko-sama.

In the current state, it would be difficult to say that such a father must have feelings of compassion for his parents.
That's it, and there's no way to do it right now.

Now, I hope you can talk about your father's current state in a little more detail.
I wonder about relationships with women who seem to be cheating on you, and how did those relationships begin...
I decided it was necessary to listen to the story in more detail.

Also, I have one suggestion, how about using the “adult guardianship system”...
What is the “adult guardianship system”... Please see the address below.
http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/成年後見制度

I saw your reply.
I think it would be a good idea to talk to the police about this once.
I know the Life Safety Division is the department in charge, so please visit us once.
Please consult with us frequently at that time.

Don't let sparks fall

Toko-sama
Nice to meet you, my name is Tetsuya Urakami.
I also read the previous question and answer, but how was your husband doing after that? I hope it's moving in a good direction.

Well, this time it's about my father. The type is different from my husband, but I thought it was a very troubling problem. Since he was a serious, kind, and polite father, I understand that Toko-san and her younger brother suffered deeply.

I'm a father, but my younger brother says it's “mind control,” and I think there's a risk of that too. Or is it a clever scam, or I know it's rude, but isn't there any possibility of dementia?

It's not normal to use up your savings and pension. I think it was at least a good thing that my younger brother was able to manage his pension. Will it be difficult to send in-kind items such as groceries instead of cash in the future?

Until now, it seemed like just handing over the money you have, but if you borrow and hand it over, or if you own a house, even sell it to make money, it will be even more difficult. To prevent that from happening, I thought I should consider an adult guardianship system (although I'm sure my father won't agree).

Of course, that is desirable when it comes to “do I have to be considerate of my father?” However, when I listen to the current situation, I think that if it were me, I would feel like I wouldn't even want to see my face.

That said, it's a parent-child relationship, so it would be difficult to completely break it off. Apart from the feeling of compassion, I hope Toko-san and her younger brother can deal with it so that sparks don't fall on them.

I feel like I've been caught by a nasty parasite.

That woman is probably only looking for money.
They are probably getting close and making money contributions.
It seems like my father is willing to hand over the money
It's not even a scam.
Hire even a detective to monitor her behavior and find that woman
How about finding out the truth and telling your father about it?
(Although you'd probably say he's not such a bad person.)
And also to that woman, be accompanied by that detective so you don't get any closer
How about trying to persuade them?
If that doesn't work, I'll talk to that family too.
She's such a woman, so what's wrong with that family too! Maybe I'm the type to say that.

If you shoot a general, shoot a horse first

　Toko-san, if you really want your father to retreat to the woman you're dealing with, I think it's better to pursue the woman you're dealing with. Recently, there was an incident involving marriage fraud like this. There is probably also a possibility that the father is involved in such an incident. Instead of abandoning or hating a father who has seriously worked for the family until now, I think it would be better to pursue the other woman. I can only think that woman is using her serious father's personality and misusing it, if not fraud.
I think the best solution is not to let them meet the woman they are dealing with. Let's cooperate with the police, lawyers, and people close to us and dependable to break up with the woman we are dealing with. On top of that, I think it would be better to act so that I can return what I have borrowed from my father until now in preparation for trial.
He is a serious father who has worked for his family until now, so please don't give up easily. If you need nursing care, you can leave it at a nursing home, so please take care of it until the end. It's OK to have a simple funeral, so please make sure that the grave is in the same grave as your mother's.
When I read the sentence, I thought I was on good terms with my siblings. I'm also praying that we will take this opportunity to deepen our relationship.

In order to change my feelings about my father, even a little bit, and lighten my heart.

I read it carefully and over again.
It's a very heartbreaking feeling.
Dad wouldn't have contributed money to that woman when he was young.
Is that old age, loneliness, or mind control,
I thought I might have lost my balance of mind.
I felt that the human mind was in a truly miraculous balance and in good condition.
In such cases, getting the person concerned to understand the unnaturalness of their actions is
It might be difficult.

Rather, pay attention to Toko-sama's heart,
Why don't you change the way you feel about your father?
There is a way of looking at cause and effect called the one cause and one effect theory.
The suffering I am currently receiving from my partner
In previous lives, positions were reversed,
It's a way of looking at it as suffering you've inflicted on your partner.
This one-cause, one-effect theory is considered a wrong way of thinking in the Jodo Shinshu sect.
However, I think it's a very effective way of looking out for others.

While humans are being reborn over and over again,
They hurt and sometimes treat many people kindly.
Finally, we aim to open our senses and attain Buddhism.
I don't know if I (Hasegawa) had a past life or two previous lives, but when I was someone's father,
Like Toko-sama's father, you've probably bothered your children.
What were the children's thoughts at that time?
How did you feel about being a father?

Doesn't it make you feel a little warmer when you think about things like that?

This way of thinking is not a question of whether you really have a previous life,
It's a way to change how you feel about your partner by looking at them within yourself.
In fact, we don't know how humans will change.
If you make a mistake, you too will be on the side that causes suffering.

Realistically,
Please don't overdo it and keep a distance from your father.
If we get close, we'll only hurt each other.
Dad probably doesn't want to hurt Toko-sama either.

Did you get the answer?

The spirit of filial piety of “I will protect my father.”

There are people in this world who don't think so. Below are actual events that have happened close to me.
① The case of a care manager at an elderly facility where someone I was indebted to became demented, and before I knew it, I adopted a child with that person and had assets
② The case of a nursing home staff member who made out with her grandmother through day service and withdrew 20 million and used it all for her own debts
③ A case where everything in my room was sold to a pawn shop right after telling the care manager of the facility who was indebted to me due to terminal cancer, “You can bring whatever you like in my room.”
Kusanagi Tsuyoshi and Kuroki Meisa from the drama “Ninxia Helper” also tremble, and are demons in the skin of kind people who target fearful elderly people. I also heard from people who actually work at the facility, and I was shocked to hear that there are certainly people who aim to get rich quick like that. (((; °°°))))))
So please think that your father has fallen for that kind of scam too. It's a pity to blame your father. Those filthy guys are really clever.
The bad thing is they trample on the heart of a father who tried to help someone in trouble with good intentions and suck them up like vampires.
There may be things that are irretrievable, so please forgive him for that, and continue to protect your father well in the future. Children are protected by parents, and eventually children take care of them as the time to say goodbye gets closer, so I think this is a parent-child relationship that has continued for a long time. As adults grow old, they gradually return to a pure heart like a child. That's why it is said that it is the son of man's duty to repay his parents and protect them as an act of filial piety.

Why don't you try borrowing the help of various people

To Toko-sama

First, if I try to fill it in with a medical point of view
There is a suspicion of dementia, isn't it?
Being angry easily is one type of dementia.
Of course your father is in trouble too, isn't he?
I think this issue is a very difficult one because it involves a lot of things.
How about each one borrowing the help of stakeholders and experts?

Furthermore, it is necessary to clarify the flow and true nature of the money.
On top of that, why is your father doing that?
I think we need to thoroughly investigate that.

On top of that, please ask yourself once again how you feel.
After that, why don't you decide which path you should take and what you think?
Gassho

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