It's been 12 years since I wanted to die, and I still haven't died

I don't like me, so I've worked hard until now.

It was painful, it must have been painful, and it must have hurt your heart.

I was also deceived and used by people...

I committed suicide and wanted to be freed from everything...

I understand how you feel...

At that time, it was also the pain of not being able to die...

However, you should never hurt, worry, or make people suffer.

If you don't cause trouble to anyone, it's your own responsibility no matter what you do, but you must never cause trouble.

There's no need to punish yourself.

If so, let's live our lives through worry, suffering, and struggle.

If you understand the fear of dying, let's live to the fullest.

If it were you, it would be absolutely fine.

If you can't stand it, feel free to call my cell phone.

It's fine.

I'm glad you were alive.
You have lived this far while being on the edge of hopelessness, and you are a very brave and patient person.
And he is a filial son of kindness.

・Why was trash like mine produced?
→Have you seen many other people's concerns on this site?
You're not alone. All humans are imperfect.
If you are described as trash, then I am trash as well.
We have to live with a lot of trouble because we are imperfect.

At the same time, our lives are very precious.
That life isn't just about you.
It's proof that my parents are alive, and it's also a proof of my parents' parents, grandparents, and grandparents.
Imagine that. Furthermore, you are the crystallization of over 1000 people just by going back to your parents' parents' generation... your parents' parents.
No one was missing, and the baton of life is now in your hands. You are at the cutting edge of 1000 lives.
There's no reason it's trash. You are precious.

・Suicide (suicide?) Even so, won't you be freed from the suffering of this world? Are you going to suffer in hell?
→I would like to say that there is no point in wrapping it in an oblate. If even one of your ancestors was missing, you wouldn't be here. Similarly, without you, not only will you live alone, but tens of thousands of future lives may not be born. Therefore, it is the heaviest sin in Buddhism.

・Isn't dying by suicide a lifespan?
→I am speaking as an individual, not a monk. Life is a marathon. The final goal tape is death. Everyone runs desperately towards death. On the other side of the goal tape, the people and ancestors who were ahead said, “Go for it!” “Good luck!” They are desperately supporting me. If they saw them abstaining in the middle, I think the people who supported them would also be sad.

Finally, let me say it again. Having made it this far, you are braver and more patient than you might think. Also, he is a friendly and kind person.
You're not alone. Everyone is suffering from something in their lives.
It's fine. I'm sure you'll be fine too.

I read it.
It made you want to die, and now you're living in pain, aren't you?
I sincerely understand your thoughts.

Living as you said is trouble and suffering.
We live without knowing what we are living for.

There may be times when you understand that purpose in your life, but there are also places where you don't understand it.
Even so, I am being kept alive in various relationships every day.

Both you and I received lives from our parents, were raised by many people, and we have received lives from many lives.

We are given a role and meaning to live even if we don't notice it ourselves.
Even if you don't notice it, someone is helping and supporting someone, and being useful to someone.
We are growing as we live.
As you live, you will learn a lot from now on.
The fact that you were born and the way you live also have an important meaning.

Every second we are walking towards our own death.
What is given equally from which no one can escape is death.
Facing our own death firmly is also a mission we have been tasked with.

The Buddha explained that our ignorance is the root of our suffering.
The Buddha said that living is hard work; being born and living, getting old, getting sick, and dying are all suffering, and having to break up with what you love, having to meet what you hate, not being able to get what you want, and things that don't go the way you want, all of these things are suffering.
The Buddha explained that sincerely understanding and accepting it means being freed from suffering. Conversely, suffering will continue forever if it is not accepted as it is.

We are all weak, ephemeral, and foolish beings. Therefore, without the Buddha's guidance, it is impossible to accept the truth or the right path.

In other words, death is not the end. We are the ones who suffer and are lost over and over again.

Also, longevity is the life given to you. We have been given that life and longevity in various circumstances.
There are various relationships that have gone hand in hand for you too.
Please try studying Buddhism from now on. And please understand the truth and be freed from that suffering.
I sincerely pray to the Buddha that you will properly receive the Buddha's guidance and open up your future.

I don't like me

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

In Buddhism, the words “the state of immortality” and the state of “immortality” often appear.

It is a word that expresses a state of enlightenment, but for example, in the Heart Sutra, it is expressed as “immortality.”

In order to explain what kind of situation it is, it has to be huge, so I can't say it here, but I would like you to take this opportunity to think even a little bit about the state of existence that is not so bound by “life” or “death,” and is made up of various “relationships.”

Everything is possible due to “causation (cause and condition) occurrence,” in other words, “good fortune.”

Depending on good causes and relationships, you will also be able to hope for good results.

In Buddhism, there are many hints for building up that good cause and effect.

I would be grateful if you could learn and practice Buddhism.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Hello, I hate myself.
You've been worried about this for a long time.
That was painful.
But now isn't the only time for life.
If we're about to die, let's live together.
I am a person who supports the independence of young people. Please search for Hotokenosato Farm and Isen-in Temple.
Don't worry about money.
Please email us anytime. You can call me too!