death

　How many lives are linked to my life?
1 generation 2 people (parents)
2 generations 6 people (including grandparents)
If you count it like that...
16 generations 131,070 people
26 generations, 134,217,726 people, Japan population approximately 120 million
32 generations 8,589,934,590 people, world population approximately 7.3 billion
40 generations 2,199,023,255,550 people trillion
50 generations 2,251,799,813,685,250 people 2 gigabytes
100 generations 2,535,301,200,456,460,000 trillion people (253 grooves, 5301, 2004, 5646), it's a digit I've almost never heard of.
Even so, lives are still connected.
It is said that humans were born around 50,000 BC. Assuming that generations change at an average age of 15, there are about 3,000 generations, yet lives are still connected. If you go back even further, monkeys, if you go back even further, amphibians, if you go back even further, fish, and even so, life is still connected. Life does not come from a dead life. As a result of a mind-boggling chain of lives, my life exists here. The same goes for other lives. We cannot prolong our lives without suffering such heavy lives.
Buddha showed suffering (life is suffering) at the beginning of the Four Pillars (4 Things That Clearly See Life). If you start from the perspective that life is difficult, you can feel joy.
Tokugawa Ieyasu, who was an ardent devotee of Nembutsu, left the following words.

People carry burdens throughout their lives, and don't rush as if they go a long way
If you think of inconvenience as normal, there is no shortage
If you keep hoping in your heart, you should remember times when you were needy
Tolerate is safe, think of anger as an enemy
If you only know how to win and don't know how to lose, it will cause harm
Blame yourself, don't blame others, overreach is excessively good
Keicho 8th New Year's 15th

Depending on how we perceive things, it can be both easier and harder.
Amida is the one who can help you when there is nothing you can do with your own power. The Buddha told his disciples to call him by that name. Praising “Namu Amida Buddha” aloud, this is called nenbutsu. “Namu” is an old Indian word “namo” applied to the kanji and means “I'll leave it up to you.” You can easily do nembutsu anytime, anywhere. Please try it out.

When such various feelings come up, you probably only deal with those feelings.
I went to a gyudon restaurant, ordered a large serving of cheese gyudon, and after it came right in front of me, maybe I should have made a normal serving, but I often do things like “ah, I did it,” but in reality, I just eat the gyudon in front of me. If there are too many, you can leave them behind. That's all. If you drag “ah, I did it,” even the cheese beef bowl in front of you won't be able to handle it.

Dealing only with thoughts is ignoring the real life that is right in front of you.
I thought, “I want to die.” that's all. It's about not touching them, leaving them alone, and not dealing with them. Thoughts disappear. Also, even if I have similar feelings, I leave them alone. I really don't do anything. You should only deal with the gyudon in front of you.
Anything is fine, even the chirping of small birds. We only look at the facts that are real, what is happening right in front of us and under our feet. Leave aside ways of thinking (thoughts) such as profit and loss, right and wrong, and likes and dislikes.

There's no need to try anything.
Because people are born perfect, they are Buddhas.

All the unsolved problems are thrown around one after another, and it's painful, and you even think that you want to die.
And while having a “desire to die,” “what should I do?” As you may be asked, you really want to get away from that thought.

In other words, if you really want to live, you probably have a real desire not just to live, but to live satisfactorily.

If we think about it carefully, we must die. The problem may or may not be solved, but it will die. Whether you want to die or not, you will die. Whether you want to live or not, you will die.

But why do we have to live? There are so many difficult things to do when you're alive, and you die at the end, so why do you have to work hard?

What on earth were you born for, and what are you going to live for?

I think this kind of thought is swirling around. Humans are animals that seek “meaning.” I want to fill my life with meaning. Humans want to find meaning in life and death.
Everyone wants me to give me an answer that no one else can tell me. But that's not something people can give to people, is it? That's because I never started that kind of thing. We weren't born with a meaning. But again, they weren't born without meaning at the same time.

I was born with a relationship. I didn't want it, but it just so happened that countless different conditions came into being here and now. The meaning doesn't come first; it comes first, the fact that you were born.

After that, everyone is free, right?

You are also free to lament, “If that's the case, I wouldn't have wanted to be born.” But we also know that this way of being is “empty.”

Therefore, we want to encounter something that makes us think “I'm glad I was born.” So I look for a lot of things.

Friends/Lovers/Marriage/Jobs/Hobbies

But they won't all die in the end. Just like when you were born, when you die, you have to go alone.

That's why we want to meet our “true self.” Or I want to meet someone who will never “let go” of myself.

In my case, that was the teaching of a nembutsu called Namu Amida Buddha. I wonder if this is your case.

Why don't you look for something like that?

I want them to ask questions about unsolved problems one by one in Hasunoha. Let's play word catch with the monks. You can't die.