I'm worried that my illness hasn't healed.

Thank you, Moe-san, for your question.

As I read your sentences, I felt that my current anxiety was mainly due to relationships.

It seems that both autonomic nervous ataxia and depression are evoked by that anxiety, and I think you are aware of that yourself.

I think this fact is probably something that cannot be easily moved.

You said, “I want to live positively. I want to get even a little better.” It is now written.
I think this is a sincere wish for you right now.

It sounds a bit off the mark, but do you have to be “positive”?
Do I have to “get well”?

When it comes to relationships, the way of thinking and behavior of people who are books of trouble will change in an instant, and you will be in a situation where you will get better, or maybe you are hoping.

However, if you think about yourself, you probably understand that it is difficult for such changes to happen so easily.

Even if it's the same fact, if the way you perceive it is different, the way you feel about that fact will probably change.
This is something you can do if you change yourself, even if your partner doesn't change. (I'm not saying “easily,” though...)

Please calm down for a moment and look back at what you were struggling with.
Then, think again about how to take that something.

Is that really the only way you accept something that you feel is painful?

In Buddhism, it refers to “cause and effect.”

If what caused your current situation is something that can change the way you perceive it, the “cause (cause)” will change.

If you do that, the “results (results)” will also change.

I can't help but hope for it if you take a hard look at your reality again (which is painful) and think about changing the way you perceive it.

First of all, how many days of vacation did you receive from findings that there is a tendency to depression due to autonomic nervous ataxia or psychosomatic medicine? You won't be able to cure this kind of mental illness in a week or a month.
It is a disease that can be cured over a long period of time, so please get serious and be admitted to the hospital to treat this.
I swore in my heart that I would definitely be cured...

This is Urakami who answered “I'm worried about returning to work.” In this question, I was told about a slightly deeper situation.

If you have a physical disorder, you may be able to return to work while being careful about that area or medical condition, but it's a different story when it comes to mental disorder.

Mitsumi also said it, but I don't think it will get better in a short period of time. And if you overdo it without getting better, there is a high possibility that it will come back soon.

I think it's depressing as the days continue to be frustrating and sad. But why don't you think about it over the span of a lifetime and heal it slowly?

Decades later, Grandma Moe spoke to troubled young people, “I understand your painful feelings...” and they are supporting them. This may be an important time for that.

　There are quite a few sentences organized, and I don't think my symptoms are severe enough to worry about... but what do you think? Aren't you trying to become a strong person later?
It's a private matter, but when I was in elementary school, my shoes were hidden almost every day for 6 years just because my house was a temple. I was given a nickname I didn't understand very well, and every day was said to be an outlet for stress. Getting involved with me is troublesome, so I hardly make any friends, and I feel shunned by everyone. The teacher was careful a few times, but I think he was throwing a spoon because it wasn't fixed. I still don't like the song “I wonder if I can make 100 friends ♪”. Because of that, they often act alone, and now it is possible to have fun alone. Even when they make friends, they don't have a deep relationship, and they take a step back, think, and then act.
It was training at Motoyama that gave me confidence in myself. In the so-called zazen meditation practice of self-reliance, it is better for oneself to be firm rather than what is going on around you. I'm not selfish or self-centered, and if I'm good, my surroundings will be affected, so I can't lose my mind at any time. They influence each other. I can't explain it well, but I want you to feel the atmosphere. The temple where the ascetic monks are located is called a jungle. There may be different types of trees, but when they gather, they become a forest. “Reconcile like milk water.” Dōgen Zenji showed it in the “Bento Dōhō,” but “Milk and water are different things, but when combined, they mix with each other, so practice that way. That's the extent of the difference.” I wonder if that means?!
Perhaps my training at this temple is a match. Thanks to that, I practiced for 7 years. Still, I don't think he's a good monk. That's because it's “Shusho Issei.”
One day, Moe-san will also find a place that matches her.
　

To Moe-sama.
I would like you to spend a relaxing time. It seems that many people are suffering from this disease now. In fact, my wife also had an eating disorder, and I've been living with the illness for about 8 years. At the beginning, I couldn't even get out of the house, so I took a break from work for about 1 year. I still go to the hospital once a month. However, I am grateful that my illness recovered thanks to the fact that my workplace and the people around me fully understood the illness. I think it would be better to look for a teacher who matches Momoe's feelings at the hospital.

Right now, I think Moe-san is worried by thinking about many things at once, such as her illness, work, and the gaze from those around her. But now I think it's important to slowly deal with illness. If possible, I think it would be nice if the company could also take a vacation for a while... I don't think there are many companies that fully understand the disease yet. Avoid anything that would stress you out as much as possible, think about something fun, and do what now! What shall we do tomorrow! Like that, why don't you live your life thinking about familiar things instead of the future?

Also, don't you think your current illness is shameful?
A specialist teacher says, “This disease is a mental fracture, and it is a disease that can always be cured with sufficient rest and treatment.” In order to do that, I think it is necessary to get a good night's sleep, and live a relaxed lifestyle without being in a hurry.

I was also very worried about my wife's illness for about 8 years, and I received counseling from various teachers. I don't think I can help because of that experience. My wife is also consulting with someone who is in trouble like Moe-san.

I think anything more than this will be private, so if you are happy with our hospital, please feel free to call us or email us directly from our website. Gassho

To Moe-sama

Honestly talk to your doctor about your current feelings and when to return
Why don't you try explaining and consulting?

On top of that, when the doctor talked about returning
Check your feelings once again
Even so, if you don't like it, you must also consider making the decision to quit your job.

“I want to live a positive life. I want to get even a little better.”
It's fine if you have this feeling. Please take good care of this heart. Gassho