It's not going well.

After being in a relationship with my ideal lover for 1 year
After we broke up in spring
I've been feeling unwell for a long time.

It was just before job hunting
I'm tormented by severe palpitations and a sense of anxiety about the future
I went to a psychiatric clinic for a few months.
When I think about it now, it seems like I had more of a base for my heart than my family that year
It was painful to lose someone of the opposite sex who first felt kindness and warmth.

I met my former lover again around fall
we talked about the situation and resumed our relationship
It didn't go as well as I expected and my palpitations continued
We broke up again the other day.

Heartless words were said at the time of parting ways
I was quite shocked.

But no matter what, I was happy
I can't forget the time
I became obsessed with that person every day
Remembering it, I still have palpitations.
The impermanence is so sad.

You can be positive about me like this
Please say such words.

4 Zen Responses

Don't look for him, keep the memories left behind in your heart

The teaching of the Lotus Sutra says “fall in love and do not give birth to a heart of thirst.”
This is my feeling for the Buddha, and the Buddha says that you should learn the “teachings” you left after your death, and that the only teaching is mine.

Why don't you just keep the memories he left in your heart?
The only guy in my memories should always be kind.
He who is cold must be worth looking for.

I drew too much of my own vision

Don't apply your ideal perfect vision to reality.
Aren't you bringing in too many of your own dreams, fantasies, expectations, and presets by trying to make good use of them beforehand, trying to look cool, or trying to be better than others?
When I bring in something like that, in reality, there are more than a few things that get dented when I don't.
Why don't you get rid of your ideals, expectations, and my rules?
Today is today, why don't you suddenly enjoy the fresh world directly?
Today is surely a day like this, why don't you go through an ad lib life without relying on fortune telling at all, being haphazard, and without sheet music?
You don't have to try to make things go wrong.
It's cramped if you set an ideal vision of “I want to do this” beforehand.
Don't set “I want to do well” in advance,
Try resetting “It doesn't matter if it doesn't go well” as a preset.

Man to man, man and woman

The feeling that I like him comes through.

Right now, it's painful, sad... I don't know what to do, and that feeling too.

Man to man, man to woman.

It might be a good idea to hit it off even more without thinking too much about it.

Laugh to your heart's content, not to your heart's content.

Falling in love with people is going to be disappointing.. It's going to go away so bad.

Wouldn't that be fine?

It's wonderful that you can fall in love with people so much.

You're just obsessed with your memories.

You're not obsessed with him, are you? He doesn't care about you right now.
I just care about him in my past memories. Memories are just memories. Memories are vague and can change in any way. You are free to do it for better or worse at your own convenience. You're glorifying past memories too much by handling them.

The reality you're living in is just that you have a boyfriend who doesn't love you anymore. Or rather, it's not there anymore. If you look only at the past without looking at reality,
At this rate, you won't even notice your next encounter.

Whether there are good people or fun things, they all get through.
Use your five senses to focus on living reality. You've already accepted reality, so keep an eye on it and notice it. (^^)

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