My friend's husband discovered an affair during a regular business trip,
My friend was told about how to trust her even though she had been apologized, and about her anxiety about spending the rest of her life in this way, but I was stuck in words about how to respond. Please tell me words that make friends feel better.
“Thank you, sorry...!!” Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! ←camera
Disguise that is popular recently
I feel that even that apology is disguised.
A lot of people are fooled by that.
There is no such thing as taking responsibility in the true sense of the word.
Taking responsibility isn't just a pecorincho or bowing exercise.
After all, neither the pension issue that disappeared a few years ago nor who spent the money were made public or pursued.
Incident where I contributed 100 million yen, which recently surpassed Anita, to a foreign woman, and they gave money and spent it, so I don't have to return it ← I should return the full amount until I die
Taking real responsibility means “restoring as much as possible” and “returning it in a better form than it was before” during life.
“You can apologize, it's OK if you resign (inwardly sorry)...”
“President, it's time for a press conference...” “Um (OK, let's do a play)”
press conference
“... I'm so sorry! ()” ha ha ha ha ha ha! ... but that is Japan's stupid monkey play, a bad habit.
So in the case of male-female relationships, how can they be restored?
If you really intend to start again, you have no choice but to rebuild eternal love beyond the body of a machine by transferring from the sluggish train Hoof, Kamen Hoof, and then riding the 999 Three Nine after an affair, and nine after getting divorced.
① It's about starting again based on the sad but big truth that they don't belong to each other (all laws are unaffected).
② Know the human limit that no matter how many relationships you have, no matter how many relationships you have, no matter how many relationships you have.
③ As an adult's dignity and dignity, it is a requirement not to have an affair in a marriage relationship
④ Take responsibility → make a request in the victim's “reassuring form” (what is it because you've been apologized?)
⑤ What has been done can't be undone anymore.
Then create more happiness than the relationship before the affair. That means my husband takes responsibility.
⑥ I took a hundred steps and regret that I also had a cause.
If men understand and forgive sagas without male shows, men, on the contrary, feel indebted and become obedient like pets.
However, it is also important to identify that person, see through the devil (greed) lurking in the depths of the other person's heart, and dismiss it.
There are people who cheat on out of luck, and there are people who can't get over it due to illness.
Because I don't understand saying to cheat on your wife and make your wife suffer
They're going to have an affair.
Such people lack the ability to understand people's feelings.
There are many people who have poor planning etc.
Because I can't read ahead, I don't understand people's feelings
That's what they do.
If it's that type, it won't fix it.
There are people who can be fixed, but there are many people who can't.
It would be nice if there were no mental problems even if I lived my whole life with that anxiety,
If you are crushed by that anxiety, you should think about it.
I don't know who that husband is.
PostScript
If you're that type of person, it's no use saying anything anymore.
I'm the type that doesn't learn.
It won't be fixed for a lifetime.
If you're careful, you might not have an affair,
They are people who can do well if they have a chance.
Should I give up and embrace that suffering for the rest of my life
Are you thinking about a new life?
I recommend the latter.
Non sama
This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.
As a friend, I'm getting a consultation about a very painful story...
When it comes to cheating on a friend's husband... cheating or infidelity, of course, it is an evil act (bad act) in Buddhism, so “immorality” is clearly defined as a precept in the Five Commandments and the Ten Commandments [not killing, stealing, indecent, unscrupulous, unscrupulous, unscrupulous, unscrupulous, unscrupulous].
http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/五戒
“Immoral sexual activity (immoral sexual activity) - You must not engage in immoral sexual acts. This indicates rape or infidelity in particular, but it also includes acts such as drowning in sexual activity.”
Precepts are specifically stipulated so as not to cause trouble to others. In short, protecting morality, ethics, dignity, and chastity is a way to prevent bad things. Simply adhering to the precepts is a good act and should be encouraged.
Even if you are not a devotee of Buddhism, protecting morality, ethics, dignity, and chastity is important for living and living a social life. For example, among the Ten Commandments of Christianity, non-murder, immorality, indecency, and indecent greed are stipulated.
Well, my friend's husband who broke his morals, ethics, dignity, and chastity...
In Buddhism, it is important to sincerely repent and repent by being ashamed even if you have committed a bad act. By not making the same mistakes again and striving for good deeds (keeping the precepts and acts of altruism and mercy as acts to actively benefit others), it is hoped that bad deeds up until now and in the future will be destroyed.
The question is how much tolerance should be made, but... as “the face of the Buddha is also up to three degrees,” do you forgive until the third time, let alone the third time, of course, there is no second time, and if you can't forgive it anymore, then after all, there is no other choice but to consult with a lawyer for divorce mediation/alimony claim lawsuits...
I know that it is essential for children to make careful decisions in any case. Of course, even if you put up with it for the child and stay this way, it also includes whether it will really benefit the child...
Note... “Up to Three Faces of the Buddha” is actually based on an anecdote about Shakyamuni (during the military invasion of the Kosala country into Shaka Province).
Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho
is it an affair... Once betrayed by your partner, it's difficult to return to your previous feelings, even if you get an apology or change your attitude. It's close to impossible.
OK, let's break up! It's not that easy for a married couple. There are only inseparable issues, such as children's matters, life matters, etc. That's why there are many cases where people have no choice but to stay married while feeling distrustful of their partner.
How can I convince them?... Honestly, I'm not convinced. Shall we close it up with grudge and bitterness! Will you endure it while playing an understanding woman (man)! That's it.
When you're a married couple, there are many things, and family bonds deepen as you overcome them together, but only the rift created by cheating and infidelity is deep.
This is probably your friend's test, too. The only thing you can do is listen to them. If a third party talks about the couple or the man and woman, it just gets a little complicated. It's painful to watch, though.
If you have become a married couple, don't pursue it if you have no intention of breaking up, even if your partner has a suspicious shadow. Once you understand it, this is what hurts.
I read questions, answers from other monks, and thanks. It feels like rock paper scissors later, but if I had to say it from my point of view, there is no such emotion of hatred or prejudice in Buddhism. My friend's husband certainly had an affair. But it's definitely not just those who have been cheated on that suffer. Everyone is facing various kinds of suffering so that if you spit in the sky, it will always come back. If my friend's husband asks me a question here, the monk's position is that he must show a reasonably accurate answer. The essence of Buddhism is “do no harm to yourself or others.” There is such a thing. I understand how you feel about taking sides with your friends, but you should stay neutral and listen to both of them.
You posted it here to heal your friend's suffering, but the answers have been decided, aren't you hoping for a fresh start by getting divorced, taking alimony? Let's stop using the good intentions of monks to try to tell weird good stories. This much personal information is presented here, and when those in question see it, they somehow understand it while thinking that it is common. Friends say, “You don't have to write this far,” etc., and your friendship may crack.
As I've said for a long time, since we're looking at things as a third party, we should look at things more calmly and equally. Also, what you can do is not a lawyer, so wouldn't it be better to just listen to the cheating partner's story when it's time for each other rather than a solution? I'm sorry for the harsh comments.
To Nonsama
There are times when I get bogged down in words.
To my friends
Why don't you just tell your husband how you feel right now
If it were me, I'd talk about it.
I think the best thing to do is be honest with your feelings and talk. Gassho