New Year's Day is the 49th

If the 49th is New Year's Day, should I strictly spend that day alone per day? I don't have his bones, his name plates, or Buddhist altars in my house. I left water in a place where pictures from a time I didn't know, the belly button I brought back from his house after he passed away, a business card holder, tie, and glasses I would have used were placed, and I left rice etc. on the day the rice was cooked.
I hear they'll stay here until the 49th and then go over there. I didn't like it because they would be gone after 49 days. But I've already betrayed that person too. Besides, even though I loved him so much, even though I really loved him now, she didn't say anything and passed away so fast, and when his ex-wife didn't say anything after she passed away, I faced his wife or faced friends when it became inconvenient, so I believed only my own feelings and believed him, and I was crying and saying that I couldn't worry about anyone or anything. But it didn't work. They are too fearless and too weak.
I contacted my ex, who had been with me all the time until I became good friends with him, and I met him. I also talked about him. I wanted him to be with him once in a while, because it's fine even as a friend. My ex-boyfriend thanked me for talking about my weight loss and said it was fine, it was fine. As was the case for many years until this year, I think they'll probably stay together this New Year's holiday.
That's stupid. That's stupid. I was so lonely, so pathetic, and hungry that I couldn't be alone.
He looks at me like that and I don't think he's on my side anymore. Even so, you might be surprised, but I don't want to say goodbye on the 49th because I love you. If I can't meet anything anymore, I'd like to forget all of this pain, but it's unlikely that I'll be able to do that. I want you to forgive me for being mentally overwhelmed by my ex because I have to live.
The story didn't come together, and I'm sorry for those who read it.

4 Zen Responses

It won't go far

Instead of going far away, it becomes a Buddha, and now it can protect you.

It understands everything about worrying, suffering, crying, screaming, and loneliness, so it's fine.

And we'll always meet again someday, so it's fine.

It's fine because they're nearby and they give it to me.

What you can do for him is to remember and quickly bring back the smile he loved about you.

No matter what shape you have, they are watching over your smile, so it's fine.

But I'm lonely; you've also been doing your best until today.

Once in a while, try to relax your shoulders.

It's fine.

Don't assume too many stories within yourself

Someone I loved has passed away. But I'm lonely being alone, so I'm with my ex-boyfriend.
But my ex-boyfriend isn't my ex-boyfriend who died.
Are you going to replace your ex-boyfriend? Or will you fall in love with it? I still don't know.
You are now “in a state where you assume something that is not confirmed as a story within yourself, and you are drowning in yourself assuming that it was useless to expect that story to be true, but that will surely happen in the future.”
You're actually trying to stay with your ex right now, aren't you?
Still, I like him. hmm.
If he were alive, that would be why he would be unfaithful, right? (._.)
Then let's throw that story away.
Being with your ex boyfriend itself is a turning point that should be used as a break up with your ex boyfriend.
In the real world, I've been with my ex for the rest of my life.
In your head, you're living with your deceased boyfriend. (I think it's like).
The 49th should be a day to take a new step.
The deceased person's belongings will also be returned to his parents' house.
Even if you have one, it only becomes an obsession.
You no longer live in a pre-story world just within yourself, before the actual results,
The actual present truth should be lived as a real story in the future.
So you should live with your ex boyfriend or your new boyfriend.
That's why I wish I had stayed alone for the rest of my life if I wanted to complete the story of love for my deceased boyfriend.
But you can't do that.
That's the answer.
Humans are creatures that act while choosing what they want, moment by moment.
In spite of the fact that you liked him, there is a truth that you are now trying to stay with your ex.
So why don't you just let go of your own stories? You must let go of yourself.
Humans say they like their partner and yet “like themselves.”
It's tough, but even if it seems like a beautiful story about living in love, there really are cases where you simply live in a story made within you.
Let's throw away the supposed stories and live our lives centered around reality.
If you're with your ex while dragging him along, you'll be dishonest with your ex boyfriend and your ex.
If you keep carrying your belongings while staying with your ex in spite of saying “I love you,” you're disloyal to him or the people at his parents' house. I think it's dishonest with him and his story.

I'm just drunk on myself

Totally selfish.
That's it.

He who died is no more

We can't meet, talk, or feel like we did when we were alive.
It's just in your memory.
What are you going to do now?
Are you going to live your life while relieving loneliness rather than your ex boyfriend who cares about you?

Over the course of 49 days, those left behind gradually sort out their minds and prepare to embark on a new life.
Please think carefully about what you want to do in the future, and stay calm so as not to be carried away by the emotions of the moment. Make decisions you won't regret.

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