Daughter's death, and then

It's been a while, Junchi-sama. This is Urakami from Nagomi-an.
Certainly, the last time I was asked a question was 4 months ago.
How have you been doing for another 4 months since then? I'm sure they were having a hard day.

I feel guilty when I have a good time, and I can't help but feel uneasy and anxious that the same thing will happen to my other daughter. How difficult it is to be a mother.
I remember a female monk I know saying, “A mother's path is the path of Shura.” I think it means that if it's for my child, the mother will become either Shura or a demon.

This is a suggestion, and I'm not saying you should definitely do it, but why don't you read the sutras in the morning. I think you can get it at the temple I'm in a relationship with.

Even now, I'm sure they put their hands on Buddhist altars and portraits and offer food and water every day. I think you'll be busy in the morning, so a short sutras is fine. Take care of the deceased and read the sutras. I don't think that accumulation will be negative for Junchi-san.

If you don't mind, why don't you do it?

　Leave the kind words to the other monks. Let me say something tough.
What to do when distractions occur during zazen meditation. I was taught that it is good to leave distractions as they are instead of erasing them, and when I followed that, before I knew it, I only became concerned about distractions during zazen meditation.
It makes me think that the emotions Junchi-san is thinking right now are extremely commonplace and need to be changed. “My mind is running wild.” I have it too, and Junchi-san isn't the only one experiencing this feeling since any kind of person happens to even trivial things.
Don't you treat them specially because you have a strong feeling that only you are yourself? My back hair has also been pulled up until this year. I think it's fine as it is. Time will tell, so let's meditate once in a while. It's up to you to decide whether to use it as a reference or not.

Hello Junchi-san.
It hurts my heart so much that I lost my daughter.

I'll tell you a story I heard from a teacher.
That teacher was absent from school for a month before summer vacation and about a month after summer vacation. Then, on the day he returned, he told me about the situation. Actually, it seems that they lost one child before summer vacation and another child after summer vacation. It seems that he was so depressed that he couldn't do anything.
There is a saying “club one place” in sutras. When people die, it is the function of Amitabha Nyorai, which means they go to the Pure Land of Paradise and “we will all go to the same place.” It's too late to say that the teacher will meet after death. I want to meet my child now. It seems that they thought it would be cruel to wait until death.
With that in mind, I read sutras every day and come into contact with the phrase “club one place,” and it seems that at one point, they noticed a deeper Buddha's heart. It is said that “club one place” is a word called to me by my child who became a Buddha.
We, living humans, cannot see the Pure Land of Paradise. However, from the Buddha's point of view, there is neither this world nor the next. Therefore, my child, who became a Buddha in the Pure Land of Paradise, is already with me now, and is enveloping me. Then, to me, who wants to meet, I want to meet, “I'll definitely meet you. It's fine.” They said they were calling out to me. That message appeared from my own mouth as the voice of “Namu Amida Buddha,” and it reached my ears. “Namu Amida Buddha” is an Indian saying, “It envelops you anytime, anywhere. It's reassuring.” It means. This is the Buddha's message to us.
I talked about the teachings of the Jodo Shinshu sect, but religion has nothing to do with it. There is no doubt that those who have died are always with them. Proof of this is Junchi-san's sorrow. Humans exist in heart-to-heart dialogue. My daughter is now appearing sad in Junchi-san's heart. I hope that the heart-to-heart dialogue will change in the future, and that “thanks to my daughter, I am who I am now” and that it will be a relief.
To that end, I would like you to cherish dialogue with your daughter = sadness now.

Did you get the answer?
I hope to see you again.

It's really painful. I think it's natural for the mind to be unable to keep up with what you understand with your head.

Having someone listen to that kind of feeling makes it a little easier. I'm also in Hiroshima, and I'm holding a sharing gathering for people who lost their children at Jotsuji Temple. Wouldn't it be possible to talk to someone in the same position? Please contact us anytime.

⇒ http://www.namuamidabutsu.com/tsudoi.php

Thinking about children is also what you think.
It's also your feeling that you're envious when you watch other kids.
It's also your feeling that you're sorry.
Isn't it something that happens inside of you that you want to meet, but you can't meet them, and that you feel lonely and painful?
That's right. Throughout their lives, in addition to what they can see and hear, they only deal with what they think, think, and do within themselves.
So, even if you think about your young lady now, that's not your daughter, but your thoughts. When you see a young lady's shadow, it's not what you see, it's a thought you made up.
Everything, everything, is what you do.
There is a memorial service for that.
That's why, first of all, you shouldn't “me” your deceased child forever.
This is because reality becomes invisible.
I'm going to let them go.
Let's throw away the sense of ownership of my “,” my “daughter.” Please set them free. It's painful because you're binding yourself by trying to tie up your daughter.
You may not have known it, but during funerals, they also have a ceremony called repentance to forgive each other for all disputes during their lives.
However, you are the person on the funeral organizer's side, and I think you weren't able to slowly say goodbye to your daughter as an individual.
Please don't hesitate to forgive others and forgive your child once again.
Forgiving each other means relaxing with each other...
We bind ourselves and our partner to each other.
What really binds me is myself.
Please thoroughly observe your own mind until you notice the truth.

Junchi-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

It's been 8 months since I lost my 15-year-old daughter... I sincerely apologize for the suffering and painful feelings that still cannot be healed...

There is a sutra called “Jizo Wazen.” I know there may be objections to calling a 15-year-old child Mizuko, but I know that there is content that penetrates very deeply not only to those who died due to miscarriages, premature births, or stillbirths, but also to parents who lost their children at a young age.

Every time I read “Jizo Kazuki,” my tears overflow and I can't stop...

The content of “Jizo Kazura” varies slightly depending on the region and denomination, but I know the following would be most helpful.

“Jizo Kazura”
http://www.sakai.zaq.ne.jp/piicats/jizouwasan.htm

We've been reading this “Jizo Kazuki” together at Jizo Bon since we were little, along with her grandmother's hymn, but I've been really wondering from a certain point on why Mizuko and the others are bullied by demons from hell. Mizuko's heart is supposed to be innocent... she hasn't done anything wrong yet, and there should be no crime...

Why do Mizuko and the others suffer... in “Jizo Kazuo,” it is explained that the cause is actually “parents' grief and sorrow”... although it is very severe...

Of course, even if you can understand it in your head, you know it's not easy. But I don't want my daughter to still suffer from suffering by crying and grieving so much...

Please, eventually leave your daughter to the Buddha and the Bodhisattva. We also accept Junchi-sama's thoughts, and I hope you can welcome her with your love and compassion.

Also, I hope you will serve as a memorial service so that my daughter can continue to be safely led to enlightenment from now on.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho