It makes me think about death

I also often think about myself dying. I wonder if it would be easier to hang myself with a bath towel, or if briquette poisoning isn't painful. I wonder if Amita-sama won't get angry even if she dies by suicide...
But what I always think about at that time is my friend who doesn't want to die but is fighting an illness that is about to die.
I've been friends with him since my first year of high school and have been friends for over 30 years.
When he became ill, his body gradually became immobile, became bedridden, and eventually became like Alzheimer's disease, and he contracted a disease that always died 10 years after the onset of the disease.
Standing beside him and watching over him is a woman who has been with him for nearly 20 years.
I always think about living with him in mind.
Tomorrow, I'll be able to take a day off for the first time in a long time, and I'm going to see him for the first time in 7 years with my high school friend.
And I'm going to thank him for being my friend, tell him once again the joy of meeting him, and pledge that I will never forget his wonderful way of life and tell him what I learned from him and live my life.
It wasn't an answer, but I wrote it in a hurry.

It's not a word, but tap acupuncture pressure points with your finger
There are ways to control the mind.
It is effective in relieving simple mental anxiety.
It's easy to do anywhere right away.
Deeper issues can also be resolved when individual counseling is carried out.
http://www.jatft.org/
I also received counseling from Ayame Morikawa.
I was able to overcome my acrophobia with this.
http://www.amazon.co.jp/%E6%9C%AC/s?ie=UTF8&field-author=%E6%A3%AE%E5%B7%9D%20%E7%B6%BE%E5%A5%B3&page=1&rh=n%3A465392%2Cp_27%3A%E6%A3%AE%E5%B7%9D%20%E7%B6%BE%E5%A5%B3

(^o^) I, too, am a man who thought about suicide when I was a student, and I am a man who has crept up from the bottom and got back on his feet.
As support for your heart, I will give you advice from a second standpoint (in the style of Tange Danping) in boxing.
I'm telling you a joke, but please forgive me because it's to make you feel better. (^o^)
Conclusions for tomorrow part 1
What I finally realized when I was afraid of death was not “death is scary,” but that “① when I think about things related to death ② I don't like the dark feelings that come with it in terms of options.” ←This is really important yo.
Many people stay away by saying they don't like death, don't die, death is bad, death is over, etc., but ① death itself is neither good nor bad. More than that, isn't ②'s negative, dark, horrible, dark bad feeling the true nature of what we're most afraid of?
It's a Tange adage (name is Kakugen) that says, “What you fear is not death; you are afraid of the dark feelings associated with death because of things that become unknown.”

For tomorrow part 2
In the first place, death is everywhere in our daily lives every day.
If you eat rice, the life of rice will also die. If you eat Pacific saury, Pacific saury will die.
If you eat natto, will tens of thousands of Bacillus natto be affected by gastric juice in one pack? It will be.
Drinking yogurt will kill hundreds of millions of bad bacteria in your body.
The mind must also defeat bad bacteria.
That's why we are being questioned about how to “make the most of” the lives we have received.
Flowers never take their own lives. Keep blooming so that the flower fulfills its life.
There is nothing good or bad about “death” itself.
It was Tange's adage (name is also hidden), a second word of your mind that says, “I think bad thoughts that are optionally attached to ❝ death ❞ are the biggest bad bacteria that control you with dark thoughts right now.”
For Tomorrow Part 3
In other words, if you realize that death is not bad, and that dark feelings about death are the true source of what you fear, you should live a life where only those thoughts are at bay.

Tae-sama
My name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

It is said that a friend of mine died by suicide before. “I'm also looking at bodies that have died by suicide” probably refers to that friend. What I felt when I saw your question was that Tae might have been traumatized by that.

In modern Japan, death is not very familiar. However, I saw that of someone close to me. That stress will remain in my mind, and I feel like I may just think about my own death.

Rather than trying to solve it yourself, I think it's better to spit out that thought to people. It would be good to receive counseling, and it would also be good for a monk who listens attentively. Please don't let it accumulate by yourself.

The “Association of Monks Facing Suicide and Suicide” to which I belong holds letter consultations and sharing sessions on suicide. Please take a look at the website if you like.
http://www.bouzsanga.org

Tae-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

It is a friend who has committed suicide and is suffering from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). As you can see in your answers, I think it would be good to be able to receive psychological counseling, be examined by psychosomatic medicine, or participate once in the “Life Gathering” of the “Association of Monks Facing Suicide and Suicide,” which Mr. Urakami also mentioned.

After all, I'm guessing that your friend's suicide was so shocking that it probably caused a huge upset in your heart...

How should we accept the death of a friend and then make a memorial service...

In Buddhism, there is a difficult idea called karma theory and reincarnation theory, and assuming that the mind (inheritance) continues even after the death of this physical body, it is not regarded as “death = end.”

The question is whether that heart (inheritance) will continue even after death. Depending on the state of mind (inheritance), the next state after death will be determined (strictly speaking, karma and karma are greatly related). Typical examples include heaven, man, shura, beast, ghost, and hell as the six ways, but this is just one symbolic and representative category in the form of heart (inheritance). In any case, as long as we are in reincarnation, there is no change in being lost and in suffering. In order to move away from this cycle of hesitation and suffering, it is hoped that people will not do bad deeds, work hard for good deeds, keep their mind clean, and walk a sure path of Buddhism.

I believe that what we can do is to make a memorial service so that the hesitation and suffering of that friend's heart (inheritance) can be alleviated and healed even a little, and furthermore, by receiving a definite relationship with the Buddha, we can aim for enlightenment to move away from the hesitation and suffering, so I think it will be important to make a memorial service.

Please, when visiting graves, Buddhist altars, temples, etc. for your friends, it doesn't matter if you put your hands together and remember them so that your friend's heart is at ease, and that you are being treated by the Buddha of Great Mercy and Taiji, and remember them as if they were walking the Buddhist path, so I hope you can make a memorial service. I would also like to dedicate daily memorial services to Tae's friends.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho