The death of my real mother

Hello Garden-san. I would like to express my condolences on the news of your mother's death. Even as a monk, I know that... people always die suddenly...
It hasn't been 49 days yet, but I'd like to talk to my mom again. I want it to appear in Garden-san's dream.
Why doesn't my mother even show up in my dreams?

After being contacted, I went back to Japan, and it looked like my mother was at the end of her life. As proof that you have properly taken over your mother's breath, it “doesn't appear in my dreams while I sleep.” I think so.
(If you say “appearing in a dream” = what your deep consciousness or subconscious mind is like..., you won't understand, so I'll leave it behind.)

What is a dream?
Is it something you watch when you sleep? If you wake up from a dream, it's reality, and even if you wake up from a dream, isn't it a dream...?

You say you don't feel it. I think Garden-san is now “in the midst of a dream where you don't feel it.” My dream is that I'm disappointed every morning because my mother doesn't show up... “Mom, have you recovered that much?!” A dream where you can't have that dream...

If Garden-san really wants to dream, the first thing you should do is wake up from your dream.
From a dream called “(She appeared in my sister's dream, but she doted on me) I (didn't come up in my dream).”
The people around Mr. Garden are supposed to be kind. I'm sure they'll help.

I think you are filled with the feeling of loneliness after losing your mother.
I would like to express my deepest condolences.
I dare to tell you a realistic story.
One, let's say the older sister had another dream and talked with her mother.
One thing, surprisingly, is that your husband also had a dream and talked to your mom.
For one thing, let's say I had a dream and talked with my mom.
Actually, there is no mother's intention or life there.
Strictly speaking, shouldn't older sisters and people who have had dreams calmly analyze that unsaid feelings about their mother “appeared in the form of dreams” and tried to self-digest them, as a function in the brain.

Even if you don't stick to anything in the form of a dream, you can realistically have a conversation with your mother and resolve the thoughts you want them to resolve.
That is a proper self-dialogue called a memorial service for interacting with the deceased within after death.
Why should I envy my older sister?
The fact that an older sister had a dream means that her unspeakable feelings for her mother were simply projected in the dream, nothing more or less.
Shouldn't you take initiative and continue to have a dialogue with your inner mother in your heart?

No matter what, if you want to have a conversation or come up in your dreams, as a way to do that,
① I look at photos, etc., and remember one by one what I talked about, did, bothered, happy, and helped my mother when I was little.

② I wasn't conscious, but I was able to meet my mother while I was still alive, and I think about what I should tell her at that time.

③ If there's anything you want to talk to your mom right now, I think so.
Eventually, even when you're awake, you'll be in a state of dreaming.
There should be an endless amount of things to talk about and be reminded of.
It may also come up in your dreams when you're sleeping.
But dreams are dreams.
The truth about the continuation of your dream is that you have just begun to get involved with your very grateful mother in a different way from now on.
I listen to my mother's wishes in my heart. Please live a way of life where you can say that you mourn for the bodhi.

Garden-sama. It's been a while, I'm Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

Following my mother-in-law, my real mother also passed away, so it was a very sad year. This year was also a year where I lost several important people. I can't say I understand your feelings, but I have my own sorrow.

It is said that they don't feel that their mother has passed away, and that is natural. I lost my father 12 years ago, and even though I was already a monk and was in a position close to death, it wasn't until 2 full years later that I was fully accepted.

As for dreams, my father died suddenly, so I couldn't say goodbye at all. So I also wanted to meet him because it was a dream come true. But my father only came up in my dreams once or twice after a long time had passed.

However, just because it doesn't come up easily in my dreams doesn't mean that my father thinks of me or that I think of my father is small.
Similarly, this does not mean that Garden-san thinks of her mother, and that her mother doesn't have much love for Garden-san. Please keep that in mind.

How many years of history did Garden-san and her mother have? It has a history of over 30 years, so it's not something that can be accepted in such a short period of time. Why don't you take your time, even for years, and slowly accept it slowly. I believe that her mother warmly watches over Garden-san, who is sometimes sad, sometimes worried, and sometimes happy.

Garden-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

It's been about half a year since my mother-in-law passed away... I sincerely pray for the souls of my real mother.

I say that human life is like morning dew, but it is truly ephemeral... “ephemeral” is also written as “dream” in “human”...

A famous passage from Atsumori...

“... In my opinion, this world is not a permanent home; white dew is placed on leaves of grass, the moon dwells in water, and the people who play with the moon in the south tower also preceded the moon and were hidden by an impermanent wind before the moon, 50 years of humans, hidden by useful clouds, and if you compare the inside of Kaketen, it's like a dream, you can enjoy life once, and there should be something that cannot be destroyed, and I can't decide if this is the seed of the Bodhi that's...”

Exactly, the ephemerality of the human world is described as “like a fantasy,” and it is about thinking about the impermanence of various actions.

At the beginning of the Taira Family Monogatari... “The Sound of the Bell in Gion Seisha: The Sound of Impermanence with the Sound of Sara Double Tree's Flowers represents the logic of the prosperous and desperate for a long time,” and it also comes up as “like a dream” here too... we often perceive “impermanence” in a slightly emotional and sad way, but it is an important law sign in Buddhism. I really want to firmly understand the impermanence of various actions and use it as a reason to enter Buddhism to aim for enlightenment.

A “dream” is nothing but a “dream.” Of course, this is not a real event. This is something everyone can understand. However, in Buddhism, the real world is also expressed as “like a dream.”

“Dream” in this case is quoted as a metaphor for “having no substance.”

In our real world, the fact that an entity that makes it permanent is nowhere to be found, and the fact that there is no self-nature that defines it itself, is called “empty,” but since there is no entity, even if you try to catch or capture anything, in the end, you can't grasp or capture anything; this is exactly what is expressed as “like a dream.”

After all, dreams are nothing but illusions, and understanding that the reality of this world is also “like a dream” is important in understanding the “sky” in Buddhism, so I hope you can take this opportunity to know even just a little bit.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho