I am a person full of flaws, so I am often criticized by my mother. Yesterday I was finally told to leave and die.
I'm often criticized for being with my mother, so I avoid it, but that makes my mother too lonely.
But they don't like everything about me enough to criticize me so often.
How should I come into contact with such a mother? Should we avoid it, or should we accept criticism and make contact?
Sekko-sama
My name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.
There was a saying, “Yesterday I was finally told to leave and die.” Very painful words were thrown at me on New Year's Eve. Are you spending a little peaceful today on New Year's Day? Or maybe there won't be any change in the difficult situation, I'm worried.
What I felt while reading the question was Sekko-san's modest attitude, saying “I'm a person full of flaws,” and Sekko-san's kindness, saying “I avoid my mother, but that makes my mother lonely.”
Do you have any other family members? If so, I think they'll get in between or disperse, but if two people live, I'm even more worried.
Sekko-san is in her 40's, so her mother is probably in her 60 to 70 years old. We may be entering a very stubborn age.
From the mother's age, it's probably not going to change that much, so I think Sekko-san has no choice but to endure or avoid it.
I think the situation up until now will continue even after entering the new year, but please come to Hasunoha during difficult times.
Please search for these books on Amazon.
“Poisonous parents”
“Unhappy parents”
“I am me. My mother is my mother.”
“Can I abandon my mom? ”
Doesn't that apply to the content of these books?
If you have any idea, please read it.
It's a complicated question, so I can't write it all here.
It's written in a book by someone called “Hasegawa Hirokazu”
Abusive parents were often abused when they were children.
People who weren't loved by their parents
Become a parent and I don't know how to love my kids
They say they will repeat the abuse they have suffered to their children
A chain of abuse will occur.
I think your mother probably has a lot of things she wants you to understand and accept, but I don't think you take them well either.
Well, sometimes it makes me cringe when they say it that way.
What I want you to do after tomorrow is “don't fight back at all.”
Let's say you're the ball. Think of your mother as someone who handles balls.
I think you always have a hard ball and a ball that bounces well.
So if it hits a wall, it will just recoil and hit the mother with the force thrown at it.
So, next time, please imagine a sponge ball.
Whether thrown or thrown against a wall, Poyon won't hurt either the wall or the ball.
As a bonus, it absorbs well.
I think your mother has gone through a lot of hardships in her life up until now.
There are times when I want you, as a child, to accept those hardships.
The words are family, so don't hesitate.
Since we're a family, we have a strong sense of “being bothered.”
That's why they hurt each other. Please relax and say, “Oh, it's a family.”
The company's complaint handling clerk receives complaints from the other party every day.
However, even if the other person is emotional, they are well aware that it is only superficial, so they are unfazed.
Imagine the mother's superficial crunchiness and softness of a sponge, and thoroughly absorb the feeling that you want your mother to accept on the other side.
When my mom says something, I just keep quiet and listen to her until the end, that's all.
They accept things like “that's right,” “wow,” “naruhoto,” and “certainly.”
Repulsive words such as “but,” “but,” and “no,” are absolutely prohibited.
Sekko-san, don't you have any dreams before what happened to your mother? Don't you have a purpose in life? Isn't there anything you can enjoy?
I think it's because Sekko-san doesn't have a purpose in life. It's just the turn of the year, so you can do what you want to do 4 times a month, so let's do what you want. If you don't think it's there, join whatever you want. As an example that is easy to understand, it seems that a girl who had withdrawn thoughts became brighter by starting a sea girl like “Ama-chan,” which was popular last year. It seems that Tohoku Rakuten coach Hoshino was able to make Rakuten, which was inferior in strength last year, to number one in Japan even though he was able to win the league with Chunichi and Hanshin in the past, but was unable to become number one in Japan.
When you have a purpose, it always affects those around you. Perhaps your mother will continue to slander you forever. That's fine. If you create a new community, you should be able to meet people who recognize you, so I want you to be patient and find them. As far as I can see thank you, you might be told that this was done a long time ago. You're not the only one full of flaws. People who don't have one are rare, and I can only understand that because I've been subject to failure and bullying, but it's definitely different to do the same thing now. Let's try it out first. Let's keep going. You can quit anytime.
Sekko-sama
This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.
“Die” is... a little too much...
moral harassment...
Desire for control, obsession, dependency on children... I say “too much cuteness is a hundred times more hate,” but it is thought that there is a big relationship in tragedies in parent-child relationships due to distorted love and hate.
Depending on the distortion of parents' desire for control, obsession, and dependency, it is thought that it interferes with the child's growth, independence, and autonomy, and if there is something that does not interfere with one's own intentions even a little, they resist violently, harbor hostility, anger, and hatred, let alone love, and lead to taunts such as this one.
In such cases, children unconditionally acknowledge themselves as parents, and are naturally presumptuous with yes to any assertion or assertion, they are outraged and fiercely resisted, let alone come out of their own domain of control as parents, and I know that they will be crushed mentally and in severe cases physically with every means to stop them.
If it is something like the above, there is a possibility that it falls into the category of suspicion of “abuse,” as indicated by Mizuki Noborimasa. I think that if they even become depressed, they will still have no choice but to doubt it like that...
As for dealing with it, will they “endure it” as it is, or will they fight a “war of independence” from their parents...
Even if you endure it, it's about how long Sekko-sama's heart can endure. If it even becomes a mental illness such as depression, it becomes even more severe... but as long as they live together and meet face to face in various ways, there is nothing you can avoid...
Of course, even if you fight a “war of independence” based on your parents' desire for control, obsession, and dependency, if Saikko-sama is also dependent and attached to your parents in various ways, this battle will be extremely tough. Little by little, I think it will be easier to fight if you reduce your degree of dependency and attachment to your parents, and if you are in a state where you can live even if you leave without being dependent on your parents.
It's a difficult choice whether to endure an attack with military provisions or defeat them from the castle gate... but of course, I hope you can get them as one of the various reference opinions, not limited to these two.
Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho