I made a promise between a parent and child that I couldn't keep

Good evening, Toku-sama.
I read your question.

I thought it was quite a heavy story.
Succession issues and the marriage I want.
I remember hearing similar stories several times in the temple world.

I'm sorry if that was a tough way of saying it,
If Toku-sama is worried, I think his opponent will also be burdened with the same trouble.

If you look at it as a parent,
... Is it really unforgivable for denying marriage to a successor or choosing one's own dreams over the family business...

If you look at someone you want to get married to now,
... I wonder if changing jobs while respecting what the other family members value is unforgivable...

For Toku-sama himself,
... What do you really want to keep in mind when getting married?
The feeling of being proud of oneself. Sharing hobbies and values. Support each other in times of trouble.

The correct answers in the positions of “I am me” and “I am among us” do not necessarily coincide.

Relationships with family and marriage partners will continue.

I think finding a place where Toku-sama and her family and marriage partner are satisfied with how far they can forgive, whether they can stand up for each other, and acknowledge each other is a way to prevent future hardships.

If you try to find the right answer, someone will decide to prepare, someone will get hurt, and someone is likely to regret it.
I would recommend finding a satisfactory answer rather than a correct one.

I hope this year will be a fruitful one.

“I'm sorry that I couldn't have predicted this situation either. I'll try to persuade him, but if he doesn't take over our family business because his job is full, I wonder if it's okay to work together and help the house, what do you think I should do?” If you make a proper complaint, I think your parents will respect your life.
Even in our Osho world, there are cases where people who change jobs saying “the temple is awesome,” and their nephews take over. Humans don't exist just to take over the family business, so I don't think it's necessary to be a good kid too much in front of parents.
Let's solve the problem by having “constructive discussions based on the future safety of the house” that parents think of ❝ without exchanging emotions ❞. I think your parents also want you to take over your job as an aspect of your parents' love, thinking that you can live with peace of mind financially.
I think that parent's kindness should be taken seriously.
If you think about it simply, let's say your parents are ramen shops.
If you have a job, the flavor of ramen can be served anywhere, so it won't go away even if the store is gone. If you have the cooking skills to make that soup, you can even get a different job.
Do parents want you to take over the job because they have a strong aspect of maintaining the financial aspects of the home, or is it that employees have strong feelings in terms of security and work spirit?
I think it's okay to think that what your parents want you to inherit is just a desire to “want” and not an absolute one.
Eventually, when parents get older, they should take care of them financially and in terms of life, and as long as they are able to live no matter what kind of work they do, I think individual freedom of choice of occupation should be respected.
If your parents try to bind you with the idea that the rules of the house are absolute, I think it will get a bit complicated in the future, but I think it would be better for you to properly talk about the current situation from you at this stage about whether or not you are still fervently willing to take over the family business even now, and realize how far your parents' intentions are required of you.
If you have an emotional dispute or family dispute, please contact us again.

I hear a lot of similar stories at temples.
They welcome their son-in-law as the temple's heir to the temple at a temple with only a daughter
There are places where things are going well,
There are also many cases where people ended up getting divorced.
At that time, if parents prioritize the happiness of their children
I didn't make my daughter or her partner unhappy.
I know a lot of such examples, so for my daughter
They say marry someone you like without thinking about anything.
However, many parents did the work they started
They probably have a strong feeling that they want priority.
However, to say that the problem might make my daughter unhappy
Aren't you thinking about it?

Is there talk of getting married to him?
Then let's confide everything to him first.
Then let's talk about whether he can become his successor.
If that doesn't work, talk to your parents about it.
There's someone I like, but that person has to be my successor.
I thought so then, but now it's changed.
It can't be helped.
Parents may have their parents' opinions, but children also have their say.
Why don't you start by discussing and confirming your feelings?

> What kind of sincerity can you show as a child?
I think it's sincere that I'm struggling with this right now. However, you can't say “I was worried, so I showed my sincerity” to my parents, right? I can only imagine what Toku-sama's family business is, but for reference, there have been consultations like this before. It's
My parents want me to take over the restaurant, and I want to work in music, what should I do? That was it. At that time, I suggested, “If it's a restaurant, it could be a jazz cafe or a live restaurant.”

Taking over what should be inherited with care and reconciling what one is aiming for with it is something that cannot be recommended along with marrying an important person.

> Also, does reneging on this promise have causal retaliation?
There are consequences for causes. It would be nice if they could respond to this rebellion with great filial piety so that it can be reduced to a lesser extent. Causal retaliation doesn't mean anything bad. Let's do good things and get good results.

To a lot
Problems between parents and children, especially when a daughter defies her parents' intentions, can also be called parental misfortune. Parents are more concerned about personal safety, the public eye, and parents than the daughter's will.
There is a saying “no home in the Three Realms.” The meaning is “women follow their parents when they are young, their husbands after they get married, and their children in old age, so there is no place in the wide world where they can settle down.” That's it. Women used to be like that a year ago. No matter how much civilization progresses in this day and age, no matter how human rights are discussed in the Constitution or the United Nations, it may be impossible to completely eliminate them.
So are you going to give up? I won't give up. When you assert your will, you may turn the whole world into an enemy once. In the past, in order to avoid that, the act performed on parents is, to put it bluntly, the art of shuseijutsu. They probably chose the path of avoiding arguments and resolving them peacefully. But now we're in a cul-de-sac. If that happens, we won't be able to find an answer that both of us can agree on. Uncompromising battles take place between parents. Let's talk about running away from home and being prepared to quit. I think it would be better if my boyfriend was with me at that time. That's because my boyfriend has something to do with it too.
During discussions,
① Is there an income that two people can live in that job, and is it likely that they can make ends meet even if their income is low? Do you feel safe when you have children? (financial side)
② Is it like there's no unemployment or bankruptcy? Will the two get along well and live forever? (reliability)
③ How do parents take care of them in old age? (future)
I think it's better to decide the answer by consulting with your boyfriend beforehand, etc. For example, even if you are a married woman, Toku, an only child, must take care of her parents in their old age. I wonder if my boyfriend, who is bothered by this problem, will be good at any trouble in the future? I think so selfishly, so I have to think about this one too.
However, someone may be hurt by this discussion, but time will really resolve it, so let's be firm and communicate our intentions. Also, when your will doesn't go through, don't hold a grudge against your parents and make an effort to find fun.
When you finally have children yourself, don't forget how you feel right now so you don't repeat the same thing. Until “Homeless in the Three Realms” one day disappears... I want to work hard too. Incidentally, I'm a loser. I became a monk at the behest of my parents, but time settled down, and although I can't talk about the details, I am living a fulfilling day.

Even if you go against it and you can't show your sincerity, getting married and walking the path of a married couple will also convey your sincerity, and I don't think you've been betrayed in the long run.

Promises and sincerity are just “words,” so I think it would be good if you could take a step forward from there and live the life you want to live.