I don't know how to treat a son whose mother is disqualified.

　Iroha-san, this is a private matter, but I and my mother were like this when I was in elementary school. Isn't either one of them a little overdoing the close parent-child relationship? Especially if my son is in a rebellious period, it's usually an embarrassing age to be told by friends that he is on good terms with his mother, such as being a mother control. What you want to say or take an attitude that belittles your mother is, on the contrary, proof that you have forgiven your heart. Your mother may have passed. Recently, I've also noticed, and surprisingly, I'm showing joy, anger, sorrow, and joy to female employees at work that I like.
What are we going to do in the future based on that?
① My son's attitude may be resolved over time, so he patiently keeps saying that bad things are bad.
② A marital relationship is typically a relationship where the husband is outside and the wife is inside. There is a possibility that my husband will fail. Let's review marital relationships. This morning Dora “Gochiso-san” is in just the same situation.
③ Do you think a daughter would be good? As you get older, it becomes complicated and difficult to deal with. Men are not simply viewed as sons, and if you look at them as boyfriends, you may be able to pave the way...
④ So maybe it's a good thing not to worry about the neighborhood or the social world of parents. There may also be relationships with mom friends such as PTAs, etc., but please give top priority to the healthy growth of children first.
⑤ Finally, when I was an ascetic, what should I do with the guidance of my juniors to make them understand? As a result of trying various things, the most effective thing was to do my own events and cleaning in the same way. It takes time to influence others, but most people follow and imitate them. On the other hand, they only rebelled against cautions and reprimands, and they didn't take good care of themselves.
“Only one branch of plum blossoms in the snow” means that plum branches that were buried in snow during the winter also bloom in spring, and even bear fruit in summer, if you don't give up and do your best, it will work out someday.
One more quote from Kuroda Kanbei, the main character of the Taiga drama
“You should fear your master's punishment rather than God's punishment. You should fear punishment from your vassal rather than your lord's punishment.
Therefore, even if you pray for God's punishment, you should be laid-back. You should apologize and apologize for your lord's punishment. However, if they are taken over by peasants under vassals, they will always lose their country.
Therefore, no matter if I prayed or apologized, that punishment was not met. Therefore, the punishment of all the people under his vassals should be feared more than the punishment of God or the punishment of the lord.”
Also, when my son is in middle school or high school, new issues will come up, so please ask Hasunoha again at that time.

Irohasama
I'm Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

They had a lot of trouble in the latter half of last year, but they seem to have a lot of trouble with their children as well. As I read the question, I think it's possible for a boy of that age to rebel, make noise, rant, etc. But for Iroha-san, who is in the midst of that, it's a very painful feeling.

I also felt it during the previous question, but I feel that your husband is a bit cold. It's true that you work outside, and it's probably going to be tough. However, being a housewife is also a tough job. They are doing all the housework and raising their 2 children 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. How much would it cost to hire a housekeeper to do all of this? Compared to my husband's work, I think he's doing content that is comparable.
Not only about children, but sometimes I think it's necessary to have time to carefully communicate as a couple, but is that difficult?

“I regret it and apologize to my sleeping face,” “I want to love you even more,” and “I'm just relieving my son of stress,” were written in the question text. If I had this feeling, I don't think Iroha would be disqualified as a mother. I think this will continue to be a difficult period for a while, but I am mindful that I will be able to take time to discuss it with my husband and children.

Good morning, Iroha-sama.
Thank you for raising children during winter vacation. The new semester starts today, isn't it?

My family also has 2 sons.
Is it lively pretending to be a fight, a game, or TV... I left my clothes off and left my backpack on the floor.
What happened to your studies? When is the game going on until, I wonder if the food will cool down! Did you wash your hands before eating?
If you just watch TV, you can't do the laundry without taking a bath!!

It's a phrase I often use to put being a boy on the shelf.
There are times when I don't like children who don't get the way they want, but I often don't like myself when I spit out such words.

It's a way to get involved with children
I don't know who started saying it, but I don't like the rebellious period.
It's not a time of rebellion, but a time for each other to assert their values.
If the reaction is not in line with each other's intentions, slang and rants often come up.

However, what's the difference?
There are hints in the teachers' answers to the questions asked earlier.
Do only rants remain in your memory, or are you aware of other words?
There it is.
Say what you want to say. It's not just a bad word,
Good morning, thank you, good work. Welcome back, I'm home.
Regardless of the feelings on the occasion, it is necessary to continue the attitude that greetings are necessary.
Also, not only do they get angry, but they also properly convey what they acknowledge and praise, regardless of the other person's reaction!
Not only is it disgusting to your opponent, but you also follow them closely.

To be able to do that, I think the answers from the teachers when the questions were asked before will be very helpful, so please reread them.

Maybe it's better not to expect much from your husband to follow you.
Including my family, the structure of 2 sons is rather than a father, mother, and 2 children,
I think there are many family forms with a mother, a big child, and 2 small children.

If I had to say it...
When I'm frustrated, I even talk to my wife about “I don't like spitting up words like this” mentioned above.
It doesn't mean “raise children for me,” but I'm talking for the purpose of conveying the feeling that “they worry about the child and me and are always waiting for those words if they have any suggestions.”

There is no doubt that Iroha-sama is the cornerstone of the family.
I know you've had a lot of hard work, but I'm supporting you behind my back.

Boys have “twin-like” protrusions that cannot be seen with the naked eye.
In terms of animals, the horns of rhinos, cows, and deer, the beaks of birds, rhinoceros beetles, stag beetles, stag beetles, and the fangs of dogs and wolves grow ❝ something ❞.
Refining and developing it is the joy of boys being born as boys and living as boys.
As a mother, if you can sense the horns of your eldest son and second son, saying, “Oh, this kid's horns are definitely these,” you're not disqualified.
Please watch the Sunday morning anime.
Anime for girls are Pretty, Cute, Beautiful ♡
Anime for men are adventure, heroes, courage, strong things, and cool stuff.
However, depending on the person, the form may not necessarily be easy to understand.
A parent's mission is to raise them so that they can polish their strong horns or delicate horns.
Ka-chan would be great if she knew that.
For example, if the three Kameda brothers are all strong and quick to fight, then that is their individuality. I think the fact that they brought that out to the fullest was that the Kameda three brothers' parents were good at raising them.
Boys know the limits of their own weakness, so they are weak when blamed for that. But don't blame me for that.
Girls who care about their faces don't have enough delicacy to say, “You're my daughter, but you're really ugly.”
If you say it in a way that cuts down on pride, self-esteem, and pride, which are boys' horns, of course, there will be a backlash.
People who scold well don't scold. You don't necessarily need to scold or get angry.
・Emotionally, “Close the refrigerator properly!” Instead, calmly “the refrigerator is open”
・ “How many times do I have to say it to understand!” It's not “it would be helpful if you do it this way”
・Sometimes, they act on their own and show an example to make the person realize “(ah, that wasn't good).”
Instead of scolding, we respect autonomy, and there is no need for minor interference.
Once they can do it, I'll praise them for the process, saying “it's now possible.”
Then the boy won't get hurt. No messing around, no backlash.
Let's start by observing rabbits, horns (cricles), and horns ().
According to common sense, even if a horn (corner) stands, it becomes a horn (symbol) that protects the person himself if you look at it for a long time. I think it is necessary for a mother to have that measurement.

Dear Iroha, I have 3 children: an eldest son, eldest daughter, and second daughter. I also work as a monk, as an office worker, and with two pairs of sandals. Due to my busy days, I never cared about my children. I left everything to my wife at work every day. If I think about it now, it was a day of great reflection. When my wife started struggling in a similar state, I was trying to hold back the children by looking at them from above. I've been doing judo since I was a student around the same time
In connection with that, there was talk about judo instruction in elementary school, middle school, and high school, and I went to my alma mater to teach. It's funny to say it myself, but she was a teacher who was very liked by other children. (lol)
At that time, I replaced it with my own child and thought about it. When I taught judo, I spoke from the perspective of children in every grade. I looked at my actual child from the standpoint of a parent. When children rebel, I think it's a time when they try to become a single person. I also discussed it with my wife and made an effort to have a relationship as a single person without thinking of it as a child. It took time, but first the distance between me and my mother became closer. It was probably easier to get in touch with people who are always close. Parents always treat their children harshly. Why don't you make Tadamesen suitable for kids once? When we started dating like that, they seemed powerful even when they got angry. (lol)
It may not be advice, but it's my experience as a parent who had the same experience.
Please be patient and do your best. They are both your children. I'm sure they'll understand.

Iroha-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

How to show love to children... it's really difficult...

When it comes to parent-child relationships, both physically and mentally, they always think that parents are superior and superior, superior or inferior, and they try to suppress them by assuming that parents are superior, that it is natural that children always follow, and that they are the ones who raised them because they are themselves, and if things don't go well, it becomes more high-pressure. With this, children may explode all at once when they reach a rebellious period while still harboring distorted feelings, and it is possible that it may run into delinquency, develop into domestic violence, or even become withdrawn or mentally ill when moving inward.

When I think of love as a bit of Buddhist compassion, I believe that from the viewpoint of applying love and kindness to all people equally, it is necessary for children to respect their subjectivity and autonomy as a single person and personality, no different from their parents, and to make an effort to think about things from the same perspective as possible.

Instead of imposing one's own way of thinking and method on children, I know that it would be good to have a good discussion with my husband about how to make them better, not just pamper them and let them do whatever they want, and how to properly use candy and whips.

However, I know that there is a slight problem with the husband's “child discipline is a mother's job, isn't it?” After all, it is important for couples to cooperate in raising children, and strict like a father and kindness like a mother are necessary. This severity and gentleness must go hand in hand. As is the case with the teaching of strict wisdom and the teaching of gentle mercy in Buddhism, it is similar to the fact that it is difficult to practice Buddhism with just one or the other, so it is required to practice both teachings firmly.

Anyway, “anger” is affliction. Actions due to worry will cause bad consequences. I want to continue working on raising children without getting “angry” as much as possible. I really want to keep in mind what I've mentioned here from now on.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho