A woman who can't give birth to children

Nice to meet you, Sora.
Actually, I have experienced a similar situation, and I understand how you feel.
In my case, I got married at age 29, didn't have children, put a huge burden on my wife who started infertility treatment, and in a situation where it was mentally and age-impossible beyond this, I spent a few years forgetting about my children, and over 40 years.
Meanwhile, looking at public rumors and families with children, while there is a feeling that it is impossible to do it, I have come to think that life without children is not bad either. For example, couples can travel and do whatever they want without getting into the water.

In this time of year, late marriages have progressed, and many couples without children have come to be seen. It's my life without being influenced by rumors on the internet, etc., so I think it's important to be grateful that I'm living in this moment and do my best to do what I can now.
No matter what kind of person you are, there's no way that you don't deserve to live. Don't let the precious lives you've been given by your parents who have continued from your ancestors be ruined.

And there's one more thing I want to tell you.

I am currently the vice-chief priest, and will soon be blessed with a temple. While I felt invisible pressure from my parents and parishioners, my state of mind changed when I was over 40 years old.
As a foster parent, I think there is also a choice to welcome and raise children. The foster care system is just a system for children without parents to be happy.
There was also some hesitation about becoming a future heir that deviates from this city's main purpose of putting children's happiness first.
However, without being an heir, both wives strengthened their pure desire to put the child's happiness first, love and raise children, and live a life with children, and they registered as adopted foster parents under the national foster care system.

Then, last year, we welcomed a 1-year-old child, and 7 months are about to pass.

If Sora can't give up on living with children no matter what, I'll let you know that there are also options like this.

PS. In the drama “Tomorrow, Mom Won't Be There,” which is currently being talked about, I can't hide my confusion about the content where child counseling centers and orphanages may be viewed with a curious eye. Even if I look at it from my point of view, having actually seen child counseling centers and infant homes, I have to say that it is beyond degree. In fact, all of the staff members who were in charge were kind, thought more about children than normal parents, and worked to put children's happiness first.

　The words used to describe the birth of a child or baby are changing. In the old days, the expression “to be blessed with children” and “to have children” was used. However, nowadays, I often hear expressions such as “being able to have children” and “making children.” There is no change in the fact of birth, but there is a big difference between how children look at life now and in the past. Children “were you able to do it,” “did you make it,” “did you get it,” and “did they come?”

In the modern age where science and technology have developed, it has come to be thought that children can gain if they work hard. Then, “Aren't you going to make children?” from people around you The couple, who did not receive it by any means, began to suffer from a sense of remorse in response to the question. I have children, and if they hadn't been given one, I think I would have registered as an adopted foster parent like Shozanji Temple.

Incidentally, as an example of a temple I know, the first child was a girl, and a parishioner immediately told me, “Next is a boy,” and she said that she was quite shocked. There are people who say bad things in any situation.

It may be difficult to hear that kind of outfield noise, but because you did something... because you didn't do something... your own value doesn't change. Our lives are unconditionally precious.

Sora-sama
My name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

There have been inquiries from people suffering from infertility before (links are listed below, so please see them later).

Having children is something only women can do. It's something men can't do no matter how ingenious they try. So I think having children is a special ability given only to women.

But I don't think that's the only ability women have. There are also women who have children and are active. There are also women who do not have children and are active.

There is no need to lend an ear to cowardly opinions that criticize people without mentioning their name on the internet. If there is someone who says it face to face, I'll say back, “Well, Mother Teresa is a worthless person, isn't she?”

My husband and I didn't have a relationship with children either.
But for that reason, I want to be an “irreplaceable person” for many people.
Also, I know Mr. Shozanji, who answered earlier, and I wanted to tell you that there is such a choice.

Don't be impatient, don't panic, and go searching for the meaning of Sora's life.
It's a small thing, but I'm rooting for you.

References
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/57

Sora-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

While children aren't being given easily, surgeries are being performed, it is difficult even when infertility treatment efforts are made, and even though I don't know about various circumstances, I'm outraged that heartless, unconsiderate content is scattered on the internet... of course. It doesn't make sense to be said, and I don't care at all.

The fact that Seiko Noda, a member of the House of Representatives, gave birth to Maki by egg donation and in vitro fertilization at age 50 in 2011 has been shown in several documents, and I'm sure you know that.

However, while being born, she had a number of serious illnesses, repeated surgeries right after delivery, left paralysis in her right half due to a stroke at 9 months, and she was forced to fight the disease by having a tracheostomy and wearing a ventilator, and she lived in the hospital for a long time, but currently, when I look at Seiko Noda's blog, I can see her being discharged from the hospital and doing well, which is a bit relieved.

http://ameblo.jp/seiko-noda/

To be honest, there were also places where I felt uncomfortable saying “it's really...” and “it's too pathetic...”...

There are many pros and cons, but when I see Maki's innocent smile, I feel that even if it's not my own child, ah, thank you so much for being born. I want them to somehow grow up well, and it's up to me to think once again about the importance of “life.”

I also think of this for Trisomy 18 Tora-chan, who appeared in the movie “Born.” I hope you are doing well.

http://umareru.jp/blog/18/

Of course, whether it's Maki-kun or Tora-chan, it's not because they have a disability, and it's the teaching of the Buddha and Buddhism that they are admonished to be able to direct the same kind of thoughts of compassion to all children, no, all sentient beings, even if they are not your own children.

This is really difficult, but I hope they will continue to learn Buddhism together from now on so that we can show mercy to all sentient beings as our children (or former mothers).

Of course, there is also a possibility and desire to have children even if you don't actually have a biological child. I sincerely ask that you do not take suicide seriously.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

　Sora-san. Children's concerns have become a very sensitive issue in connection with national policies. The country just says give birth, and they don't even think about the feelings of couples with such disabilities. It is extremely unforgivable for it to be the target of slander on the internet.
My husband and parents don't come up from your sentences, but I don't know if everyone is indifferent or if they try not to touch the swelling, or if they're just complaining. Actually, I couldn't have children, so I was in trouble with the people around me. Others immediately said, “Go to fertility treatment.” Like I said, how should I spend my time when I have to work? Other people are loud. There are also people who compromise by saying various things, such as believers and students being children, about where they took the line at a time like this, but it wasn't something I could break up with. But over time, you won't be able to touch that, so why not spend time improving your skills and community? My husband and I do that.
But I'm still relieved to say that my opinion is laid-back. If you really want to have children, there are in vitro fertilization and foster care systems, so you should use a system you can use. However, your value is not determined by your child's poop, so be sure to live a fulfilling life for yourself.

Each person is different. Marriage = childbirth? This is not the case. There are many people who are married but don't have children. Also, there are many people who never get married. Recently, medical care has developed, and it seems that there are various treatments. I personally disagree. The recent Great East Japan Earthquake also reminded me that we are being kept alive by this earth, nature, and the Buddha (Mihotoke).
There are parents without these, but there are no children without parents. Suddenly, I remembered my senpai's words.
It may be impossible for people to say that they don't care about their own and others' words, but there's nothing to worry about, and conversely, why don't you think you should be careful about such heartless remarks?
My best friend has an obstetrics and gynecology teacher
Even though the birth rate is falling, the number of children with disabilities is increasing every year. Perfect inverse proportion.
It's my personal opinion, but isn't it because of medical developments? I answered.
I have a feeling that everything happened naturally and that the path was shown by the Buddha.
Akiyama Genshin Gassho

Human worries have certain characteristics.
A state of being overly attached to it.
A state where I've always been obsessed with one thing.
A state of contradiction where people keep thinking that they want things that don't go the way they want.
You can't get it even if you want it. That's why it's painful.
If you only want to get rid of suffering, you have no choice but to avoid turning your heart towards something you can't gain.
Self-blame, regret, sorrow, loss, guilt... it doesn't create anything.
However, that smoldering heart will one day be a force to save someone.
It should encourage those who have the same suffering and give them strength to direct their lives in another direction.
Recently, I talked with someone who has finished raising children and is finally spending a relaxing time as a married couple. I also talked with people who have decided not to get married. I also talked with the person who came before my husband. I also talked with people who had grandchildren but couldn't get along. I also talked with people who have grandchildren, but they have a hard time every time they come.
What I felt there was that we should have the viewpoint that everything is blessed. You probably won't feel that the situation you are in right now has come true, but please watch it thinking that you are blessed because I asked you to think so. If you shift the angle of your mind in the other direction even by one centimeter, I think you will be able to find new value.
I also had a lot of bad luck and misfortune. There's nothing that isn't a gift.