How to treat him and how to control the feeling that you want to do what you want

I was asked to discuss the theme of “socializing with people” in a separate consultation, and I feel that positioning for my boyfriend is the biggest of them all.

My relationship with him, who originally didn't show much of my feelings, became strained because I'm bad at understanding people's feelings, and my interest in others is lacking.

They usually don't know what they think of me, and they don't even talk about me. Even though they say “you're cute,” they've never said “I like it.” However, he is supposed to be sending a message in his own way, but I can't detect it, and I can't say it quickly again.

I'm a person who has waves, with times when my tension is high and when my tension is low, so I always think I'll recognize them by thinking that they are people that kind of person, but they rarely get back to me, and sometimes it's so painful that I can't sleep.

So I can't say “give me more replies” or “why aren't you returning them,” and it accumulates within myself. It's probably because I'm originally bad at understanding people's feelings. I'm sure he, who is sensitive, has a sense of dissatisfaction and distrust of me.

If you look at it from the outside, it might not be a big deal. But until now, he has only been the type to contact me and express his affection, so it's been a good year and I haven't been able to find a way to handle it.

I didn't have a passionate crush like I used to, and even though I felt a slight sense of incongruity with the feeling that I was attracted to him, I thought I liked him, and I was able to go out with him.
Of course, it's important to have the courage to take action to know his feelings, but compared to the past, how should I control myself and lighten my feelings when I'm uneasy? Or... maybe we're just not good together...

4 Zen Responses

Temperature differences between men and women are inherent

　Machi-san. I think it's an event that always happens between men and women, lovers, and married couples. An eagle acquaintance experienced the opposite. But that doesn't mean they're not on good terms.
I think Machi-san's personality of caring about various things can make me grow a lot. People who struggle with relationships are several times cooler than people who have confidence in themselves because they are doing trial and error about how to treat others.
I think it's a good idea to imagine the other person's position and then act before breaking up. I think the best way to do that is to experience various things. I think it's a good thing to get in because it's okay if it's something you don't think you can get in.

Because each person lived in a different environment and grew up...

Depending on the environment in which each person grew up and what strengths and weaknesses they were born with, their consideration and concern for people changes drastically from person to person. Also, people who receive that consideration and concern receive it in various ways. Therefore, it is easy for discrepancies to occur if you think about it. I think various ruts will be resolved here by talking about what they think to each other. However, it's a soft tone, a relaxing space, and a good gesture with a smile. It's nice to have a sunny afternoon, talking to each other... The important thing is to put up with it where you put up with it. I say what I say. But don't go too far (^_^).

Isn't it okay if you don't overdo it?

Nice to meet you.

I was reading the sentences, and I thought my point was “I have little interest in others.”

First of all, I think it's amazing that “I (= Machi-san)” fell in love with people. And, why don't you think specifically about what you like about him?

Rather than waiting for an expression from your partner, I think it would be a good idea to try to pull it out of yourself. If you like something about him, for example, something you like about his words and actions, when he says and acts when we're together, try saying, “Oh, I like that kind of place of yours.”

Then, there shouldn't be anyone you feel bad about, let alone be happy if someone you're in a relationship with says it again. If you keep doing that a few times, he may also start praising what you like or expressing yourself in some way.

“Love” is said to be like asking for water in a desert, but it becomes difficult to understand when there is water nearby all the time. So, when I drink water, I'm like, “Oh, it's delicious!” It might be a good idea to honestly say it out of the blue.

Gassho

Bodhicitta (ambition) for love

Bottom line: don't prioritize yourself, do good to others.
What is common in relationships between men and women is that although the other person expresses affection in a certain way,
The sad reality of “That's not the form of love I want.”
At times like that, we should really fight back and forth saying “I'm happy with this kind of person.”
This is because if we don't get along, we won't be able to become a family in the future.
So what is important is the “way to play around.” It's emotional even if you talk openly, and (-” -) is sharp, and ('°`) if said in anger, the other person will also click “that's crazy (-_-;).”
The relationship between men and women is not about work or ability, and it's about misrepresenting the other person itself, humanity, and essential aspects, so I recommend making careful statements and softly.
So, heartbreak probably lasts a long time, feeling like you've been completely denied yourself.
It's about telling the software to ask so as not to hurt the other person as much as possible.
Points to note in this consultation.
There is a desire that “you want to change your partner.” Since there are desires, a sense of loss is created if the opponent does not change. Anger is also born. You should know that this is because you are imposing your own opinions.
If you want to realize your desire to change your partner, “never prioritize yourself.”
You should be infinitely humble. My partner also has a personality cultivated while living a decent life.
I should tell you on the assumption that nothing will change.
It doesn't change easily just because people say it once or so.
But try telling them at least three times. By doing that, I think the other person will understand, “Oh, this person really wants this to happen.”
I cherish the Bodhisattva heart. This is because the Bodhi Heart is the foundation of Buddhism. Bodhicitta means continuing to improve one's humanity continuously. This is because if there is ambition to enhance humanity, it will lead to relationships between men and women, work, parent-child relationships, and all kinds of human relationships.
Since I have a bodhi heart, even if my partner doesn't change, I can even calmly understand that it's just like the state of the world.
If your opponent doesn't change, you should naturally need your opponent more than you do now by improving yourself without changing your opponent.

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