I hate my husband

To Charo-san

The title was “I hate my husband,” so
I wonder if they are searching for the direction of the marital breakdown...

It's better for married couples not to fight,
I think it's better to exhale than hold each other's stomachs.
Each couple has their own pattern, so
If things are going well even after fighting,
Isn't that why they say the shape of a married couple, “the more they fight, the closer they are” (^^)
However, please never fight in front of children.

Also, you can't fight with walls. That's because there's no response.
The fight escalates rapidly due to each other's responses.
“Buying words for sale”
If you really want to stop the fight, you won't respond. It's like saying a lot of things, I think it's “good.”

My name is Kazuhiro Sekimoto.

I saw the consultation.
It's been 8 years since we got married, and I think it's about time you feel the limit of your patience.

Since they are humans, they can bump into each other.
There may be times when opinions differ. However, there are few cases where either one is completely correct.
The more you try to get the other person to follow your own opinions, the louder your voice becomes, and they can't match each other, so what you really wanted to say is put on the back burner, isn't it?

In Buddhism, there are three poisons that destroy oneself: “greed,” “anger,” and “infatuation.”
Charo-san is being tormented by “anger” in this, isn't she?
When anger grows, the precious heart called the true heart is driven into the corner of the heart.
First, let's take a look at the true feelings that have been driven into that corner.

At the end of Charo's consultation, she said, “I really want to get along well with my husband and wife, but it's not easy. Because of my personality, I can be spoiled and well-complimented. I don't think there are any couples that don't fight at all, but I want to be a couple with fewer fights than now.”
I think this is Naecharo's true intention.
First of all, if I can somehow convey this part to my husband, I think the relationship will change.
When you can't convey it, ask yourself “Why can't I tell you?”

I pray that a happy family will be built.

This was written in Kokoriya's book I read before.
There's a big rock on the path you're walking on.
You're trying to move that rock over and over again.
But a rock bigger than your body can't move.
Injuries to the body are gradually increasing, and both physical strength and mental strength are being exhausted.
That's who you are now.

Why don't we avoid walking?

I'm not sure if this is the case for you, but let's think about it again.
Reaching the destination is the ultimate goal.
Hasn't the ultimate goal been to move the rock before you know it?

As an aside, when Nobunaga was building Azuchi Castle during the Sengoku period, there was a big rock in the middle of the road.
The retainer, who was in charge, collected pride of strength by multiplying the prize money and wondering what kind of scolding he would receive from Nobunaga if he didn't move it.
However, they were proud of their strength and tried to move, but they didn't move.
When my servant had given up and was preparing to commit seppuku, a young man came.
When I did what the young man said, the rock disappeared brilliantly from the top of the road.
Well, how did they do it?

They dug a hole big enough for the rock to fit on the side of the rock.
After that, when the ground of the rock was broken down with a long stick, the rock naturally fit into the hole.
That's a blessing, that's a blessing.

I can't help you because it's just parables, but I hope we get along well.

appending
There is also violence, so it may be past a normal marital fight.
I can't feel my husband's love.
The opposite is also true, and your husband can't feel your love either.
When a child is born, the wife becomes the mother.
Until then, your husband was number 1 and you were number 2, but when a child is born, your child changes to number 1, you number 2, and your husband number 3.
Your husband probably doesn't understand that, or he can't accept it.
If you leave it like this, there is a possibility that it will lead to divorce, but let's do what we can before that.
First of all, how did you treat your husband before your child was born?
Remember it.
And let's revive it.
Let's express your love that is fading away.

I hope it goes in a good direction.

I read your question and Charo-sama's thank-you note.
In particular, this shouldn't be a thank you note. It's DV.

Reflect on yourself, reflect, and ask the Buddha the path you should walk. This is a great thing. Charo-sama probably talks about “I want to be a married couple with few fights” without consulting “I want to break up” because she feels that she also has points to reflect on.
The previous monk answered the points Charo-sama should think about, and I agree, so I won't write them here, but a married couple has a husband, a wife, and they are married.

If the couple's settlement does not seem to go well, we recommend that a third party be included to discuss it.
If they don't seem to think kicking or hitting is violence, they must be told that it is violence. (They probably won't listen even if their wife complains of violence)
I don't know if it's just the husband's violence or if they are acting against each other in terms of buying words, but it's only certain that they aren't what parents should be, so I worry about the child's growth.
Family happiness comes best, but what you should think about is your child and your own body.
“How can we become a normal married couple?” As for your question,
It means that there is a partner, so if it seems difficult to resolve it alone, we recommend that you consult with the police, lawyers, etc. as soon as possible.