only sick people gather

My mother committed suicide 16 years ago.
At the time, my marital relationship wasn't going well, and we were separated.

I was helpless holding my little child, my mother couldn't do anything, I lost it, and my family blamed me for my mother's death.

I received counseling at various places and made an effort to overcome it, but the husband I chose next was DV, and the man I dated after we broke up is an alcoholic. A woman who regularly takes sleeping pills in the seat next to her workplace and rarely comes to work. In the seat across the street is a woman who had an affair with another man after her DV divorce, is beautiful in all directions, and has been complaining and speaking ill of things all the time in the shadows.
There are other sick people nearby.
I seem depressed wondering if I'm one of them.

The reason I discussed this was that the person I'm dating now is a kind and nice person other than alcohol, is financially stable, and is kind to work consultations and everyday life. This is because I want them to take care of my body because I want them to be healthy together from now on, and I'm worried about whether it's better to overcome this even if it's hard.

I sympathized with my DV husband and stayed with her because I regretted not being able to help my mentally ill mother.
Even though I have that feeling somewhere this time, too, I can't even take on the burden of curing someone else's illness, so I've just made up my mind to let go.
It's very cozy, and I still have the feeling that I wish I could spend the rest of my life.

I'm sorry for not holding it up.
If I change, will I be able to move away from the people around me? I'd like to know what I can do.

Thank you for your answers.

3 Zen Responses

Thank you for your question.
Is it alcohol? How much will it change once you drink it? We wouldn't be able to live together if we just drank and did DV. If it's tipsy, there's no problem. If it's the former, why don't you go see a doctor who treats alcoholism together?
It would be better to tell him without saying that we won't be able to live together while we drink alcohol and become a DV.
Also, since you were in a difficult situation with your mother, I think it was unavoidable even if you couldn't support her. So don't blame yourself.
May you all live a cheerful, friendly, and healthy life.

In short, it's the drinking habit of people who are in a relationship

My mother may have committed suicide before, but since she is my biological parent, I think she dragged on the pain for a long time. It's probably not the kind of thing that can be erased in a matter of a lifetime. That is in the past. My former husband, who got divorced, is also a thing of the past.

Workplace relationships are at work, so I think it's a good idea to think about it separately. It would be nice if work progressed smoothly, so it's enough to think about it separately from private life.

Eventually, the drinking habits of those currently in a relationship will remain as a problem. Among people with strong drinking habits, there are many cases where “they are good people who don't even drink alcohol.” I often hear cases of amazing DV after getting married because I thought it would work out somehow. If you take it lightly, you might regret it. However, the above is a general theory, and since people who actually drink alcohol but have no other shortcomings will probably come, it is also conceivable that you will become mentally stable and alcohol will subside due to your being together. I don't know that person, so I can't say anything definitive. Please think carefully for yourself.

If you only think about things pessimistically, your thoughts may become reality and lead to tragedies. Conversely, they may become too optimistic and regret not thinking carefully about the future. I myself have made repeated failures, so I can't say anything bossy. However, I think it will be easier to sort things out and think about focusing on what's left, that is, what to do in the future. I think it's a good idea not to confuse things from the past that have come to an end with things from the future.

Are you attracted to men who have similar weaknesses to your father?

It seems that there are quite a few cases where women fall in love with men who have similar weaknesses (shortcomings) to their fathers.
Since children cannot live away from their parents, they unknowingly try to like the bad parts of their parents. That makes it easier to fall in love with men who are similar to their fathers.
In that case, she becomes what is commonly called a woman who has “bad luck with men.”
It may be better for such people to choose men rationally based on data such as title, specs, and whether they are kind, rather than choosing men based on “heart rate” (crush).
A company where even sick people can work is a good company in a sense, but if you turn it around, it's not popular with job seekers, so it's probably necessary to rely on such human resources.
In other words, if you can change jobs to a higher level company yourself, you may be able to meet colleagues that are a notch higher.
However, if your current job suits your gender, I don't think you need to go out of your way to take risks and change jobs.

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