The lives of parents and children.

Tamasama
I'm Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

I was surprised to read this question.
This is because I thought the common saying “living even one day longer than one parent is the greatest act of filial piety” was true, and it made me realize that I was only looking at it from one direction.

As you said, children mourn when their parents die.
It is also said that “the grief of parents who lost their children is deeper,” but grief cannot be quantified and compared. I don't think Tama-san's idea is wrong. Thank you for reminding me of something important.

The story changes slightly, but since I often witness the death of people as a monk, I thought about how people accept the death of someone close to them.

One is time. I can't say that everything will be solved when time passes, but I still think time is great.

The other is age. After all, I think the age of those who died had a big impact on those left behind. If you pass away at a young age, regrets will remain for the bereaved family, and if you live a long life over the age of 90 or 100, I think it's easy to get the feeling that “you did your best.”

One more thing is how much you've been able to do for them.
I feel that it is easier for those who have been given adequate nursing and nursing care to be prepared to accept even in the midst of grief. On the other hand, in the case of a short-term illness or sudden death, I think it will take time to accept it.

I don't think what Tama-san wants to hear is this kind of logic. But I thought it might be a hint to think about, so I wrote it down.

When people die, someone feels sad.
And once a person is born, they must die.
I feel that Tama-san is facing something important right now.

　Tama-san. Unfortunately I don't understand what your question is about. They're not smarter than other monks.
Are you sad when someone close to you dies? If that was the question, I wouldn't be able to answer it. That must be the time. Similar to the Ikkyu Tomo story called “The Tiger in the Byobu,” I don't know if it's sad if you don't actually die so that you can't catch the tiger if you don't kick it out of the folding screen.
I'm not a parent either, but I lost close people last year and this year. I thought last year was sad, but I was relieved. But even though only 2 weeks have passed this year, I'm still sad every time I look at my cell phone history. It's so painful that I think this is what heartache means. This is especially true since they both died suddenly.
You think with your head. I think the day will come when you really understand once you have experienced that thought cannot be surpassed by experience. You can still show up in your 20s.
Eagles are anime otaku history otaku who are bullied for their retracted ideas, become sluggish, fat, sluggish (also called a boy), weak, and get carried away by things that are strong even for a long time. People who have been on our side have also lost one after another. If you think about it carefully, isn't it worth living for? What should Tama-san do? Please tell me. A dumb eagle doesn't understand.
What was meant to be an answer turned into a consultation. I'm sorry.

“Parents are just as important to children as children are to parents”
Along with her 13 years of suffering, Tama-sama still treats her with love, and is she afraid that one day she will lose her parents, who are her only allies?
It is said to be “a life born without parents' permission,” but isn't the proof of love between the two parents tamasama?
Do your parents just want Tama-sama to live even one day longer than them?
I think the only thing parents want for their children is that they want them to be “happy,” and that they want them to live a “happy” life even if they are small.
“Happiness” is also written as “happiness” and “happiness,” but the original etymology means “arrangement” matches what you serve → an opportunity to make a difference or change your life.
During the 13 years you've been suffering, hasn't anyone reached out to you, even just a little bit? Have you ever thought “thank you” yourself?
That is what “sorting” is.
Half of my life up until now may have been a series of suffering. But there must have been someone other than my parents who helped me just a little bit, and I don't know what kind of opportunities I have in my future life.
Tama-sama and her parents will all die someday, even if it's not suicide or a disaster.
You can't avoid being bereaved by someone you love.
There was a lot of hopelessness when facing one's own death, but once in a while, there must be a qualification to live a life where you think you were “happy.”

I'm sorry for the lack of rambling. It may not have answered Tama-sama's question, but I want you to notice the small hope in despair.

There are not three faces of the Buddha, but “the face of the Buddha also has three types.”
Whether it's a Buddha with an angry face ① such as Fudo Myoo, or ② a Buddha with a kind face, love is love.
The problem is that you don't realize it's love.
Think of it this way.
“More than 90% of people around the world, including you, are taking love expression lessons.”
Your parents probably say tough things. They're probably going to have a tough attitude. They probably understand it. So they're nothing but sad parents for you.
It's about accepting that both of your faces are love.
③ There is one more Buddha face that you must see.
It's a face that's neither bright nor dark.
A face that isn't good or bad for me.
A face that is neither possitive nor aggressive.
It's a true face with no color or value attached to the spirit at all.
Well, that's the only Buddha's face, though.
You always accept things with the color that you have been bullied, and with meaning.
What's really important is to accept it as it is.
It's about accepting what it was before the adaptation itself.
Where is such a scalloped face? Isn't everything in the world right in front of you?
You won't be angry or laughed at that sight.
It's probably neither negative nor positive.
The world isn't laughing or sad.
It's about watching directly without adding your own personal opinion as it is.
If you see that Buddha's face (the first meaning of this place in Zen = Satori = selfless = Dharma), you won't be distraught or distressed no matter where you are.
You can't even think you understood this through knowledge.
If you don't understand, please come and meditate. If you are geographically far away, think of it as a self-investment, subscribe to our e-mail magazine (paid ♡) and ask for it until you understand it through email questions and answers.