What should I do?

I read it.
I read your thoughts on that child. I also read your sad and painful feelings. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

Please tell that child exactly what you think. As you live, that child will always accept your thoughts. Your relationship with that child will last forever.

I sincerely ask the Buddha that that child be saved by the Buddha. Namu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu
That child is always guided by the Buddha, and many people greet him kindly. And that child spent a peaceful time without any hesitation or suffering, and attained Buddhism peacefully.

And I'll keep staring at you for a long time to come. That's because you're going to live with that child.

Your sorrow and painful feelings won't go away easily, but please honestly convey your feelings to that child as they are. That kid is always listening to you.

One day, when you live through that life and pass away, that child will always greet you kindly along with your ancestors. And together, we will peacefully attain Buddhahood with all of you under the Buddha.

I sincerely pray for that child and your ancestors so that you will continue to cherish your relationship with that child and live a healthy life together.

“We can pass away together”
“I think it's the only motherly thing I can do.”
huh, that's ridiculous, huh?
This is a big big misunderstanding.

How bad should you go about your life to get over it?
If you take not only your own child's life, you will commit a double crime, but there is no reason for such a mortal sinner's wishes to come true. Even though the destination is facing the exact opposite, how can we meet again at the destination of a good person called heaven etc.?

“I don't want them to be happy.”
Yes, I agree.
You have committed an outrageous crime. The culprit must atone for their sins. If you want your victim to “not want them to be happy,” then you should never be happy again. You must continue to live an unhappy life until the end of your life. And yet, is it permissible to just round it up and run away from the days of shame and anguish?

Was the life you took so cheap that you could pay for it just by dying right here and now? If you think you've done something really bad, and if the kindness that really worries about your deceased child remains in a corner of your heart, don't you have to live and work hard through an unhappy life that you won't be satisfied no matter how far you go until the moment your lifespan ends?

Buddhism isn't such convenient magic that can write off your sins. However, I promise to support and encourage you so that you can bear your sins until the end.

hasunoha.tenrakuin@gmail.com

I think you're having a very hard time.
I'm sure there were circumstances where I couldn't give birth.
I think it was troublesome even when making a decision.

“By having an abortion, I took my child's life.”
This is a fact that can't be changed anymore.
No matter how much you regret it in the future, you won't be able to turn back time.

... then I too would chase my child to death.

It's a bit of a tough expression, but this is “run away.”
“Face your remorse head-on and hold a memorial service for your child”
You are the only person in this world who can do this as a real mother.

Life always has meaning.
Certainly, it is you, as a mother, who can find meaning in the life of a child who lived in your stomach.
Making a memorial service at a meeting is your own practice.

If you have reincarnation, now that the funeral is over, your child's soul should have taken the first step of training to be born as a person in the next life.
So that I can accept my own death, be at peace, and move on to the next life.

Please sincerely put your hands together with your child.

Thank you for writing to confide your really painful feelings.
My feelings as a mother really touched my heart.

There are things I can do for you as a child while you are still alive.

Please read it with all your heart.
Even if you pass away now, you may lose your way along with your child's soul.

It is important for you to polish your heart and become the kind of person who is firmly led to heaven and paradise.
The children are waiting with Jizo while watching the situation until their parents have polished their souls well and completed their lives.

Also, it is said that they will accomplish what they should do in this world in the future and go to that other world with their parents who have honed their souls so well.

Therefore, I would like them not to forget about that child, have a firm sense of memorial service, and live their lives to polish their heart... soul for the child as well.

Even if there are difficult things in your life going forward, please overcome them as food to polish your heart and soul.
Your invisible child is also experiencing it with you. So, if you overcome something and feel happy, feel that your child is happy too.
Please feel that if you don't forget your child and live with a spirit of memorial service, you can keep your child alive.

I wish you a happy life.

Gassho