stuttering disorder. I want to kill myself.

I'm sorry for Shoko's heartache.

First, what I thought the most was that my parents wouldn't allow me to go to the hospital. That's it.
I don't know what the reason is, but it's strange that children don't try to improve even though they are suffering so much.

There is a lot of information if you look it up on the internet. After all, we should do things that can be improved in various ways. Of course, mental stability is also necessary.

Also, don't self-harm to distract yourself from anxiety. That doesn't fix the problem. Rather, the physical body is a big nuisance, and it is far from improving.

Right now, the only thing we can do is listen to the story. No matter how encouraging it is, I think it is still necessary to see a specialist.
First, improvements will begin when Shoji feels safe and stable.
Since this is how the consultation was made this time, by all means, showing this exchange to my parents may be one of the solutions.
It may take courage, but it also means that there is such a way.

There are ways to solve and improve everything, so don't give up.
We are rooting for you.

I read it.
I would like to wholeheartedly support you, just like Master Suzuki. You are a very important person. You are very connected to us in this place as well.
While talking about your feelings here, please consult with a specialist about your current symptoms as much as possible.
Also, be sure to check your mental and physical condition. On top of that, I think it will definitely be improved by implementing various treatments and responses.
Please don't give up and don't lose your strength.
Again, you are a very important person, you have endless possibilities in the future, and you will continue to grow and change a lot through encounters with many people and events.
We wholeheartedly support you. Please take care of yourself first, and then be confident little by little.
That's because there are so many people who understand you and people who support you.

I sincerely pray that you will be on good terms with many people, that your symptoms will improve, and that you will walk through your future in good health and fulfillment.

I read it, and my name is Hiramoto from Jiyoin.

You're suffering from stuttering because it's a very painful feeling, aren't you?

Actually, I also have a “stuttering disorder.”

So I understand that painful feeling very well.

First, if you detect the symptoms from the text, you can feel much easier if you get stuttering training at the hospital, so it's important to have thorough discussions with your parents.

Also, I think it will become necessary to “evolve values” as another way to get out of Shoko's suffering.

Evolving values means “what is true happiness?” You will find it by thinking about that.

・Can't you be happy if you don't have a healthy body?
There are happy people, even those with disabilities. (I'm more than a little happy)
Conversely, even if they have a healthy body, there are people who suffer so much that they want to die.

・Are you happy to be married? No, there are people who have such a hard time getting married that they want to die.

・There are people who suffer even if they have too many things or money to spend.

So what is happiness?

I think Shoji will be able to find one hope when he finds the answer to this question.

Dying may be one way to be freed from suffering, but there are several ways to gain hope by being free from suffering while living.

However, if they say they want to let go of suffering and gain hope right away, they won't be able to say anything...

But I do believe that Shoko will surely find hope...

Also, if you have any concerns, I and Hasunoha are looking forward to hearing from you.

When the teacher called my name to confirm attendance in the classroom,
“Yes, I'm fine”
I had a hard time when I was little because no matter what, I couldn't come up with a single word of
When I was in elementary school, I was afraid of reading aloud and I couldn't help it, and being able to guess it in English classes was a huge pain after middle school.
Even though I made a promise to play with my friends, there were many times where I felt bitter because I couldn't make a good name for myself on the phone.

A heartbeat that becomes more intense the more you become aware of it
Hot, reddened face
Sweat flowing endlessly
Shoji's feelings overlap with my own.

Even now, I haven't been able to completely overcome it, but in my case, my symptoms have improved little by little as I somehow spent time by stocking a lot of phrases I can use instead.
Daring to add a prefix or substitute another word with the same meaning is also a good training in the sense that you know your own habits from experience.
It may be difficult to dramatically cure it right away, but I think it will be much easier if you grasp the “state where it is easy for you to talk” with your senses.

I've never been to the hospital for stuttering.
Back then, the profession of speech therapist wasn't as major as it is now, and I myself didn't really know who to talk to.
“Instead of reducing opportunities to speak, let's look for ways to get through well”
It's just that I've been desperately overcoming my days somehow with that approach.
It was hard to say, so I was able to express my feelings in terms of letters, emails, and essays, etc., and in doing so, standing around well became a pain, and I gradually became able to speak naturally.

That was the case with me, but there is also a way of life where you search for ways to deal with your own symptoms by dividing it as a “habit” rather than treating it as an “illness.”

Nothing starts even when I think that it's weird compared to others or that I'm the only one who is strange.
No matter what, after all, I am myself, alone in this world, irreplaceable.
If you're alive, there will be hardships.
It's not just painful.
I'm sure a bright future and fun days await.
Please love and cherish yourself.

I pray that the day will soon come when Shoko will gain confidence and fall in love with talking to people and speaking in public.