What are marriages and births for

Michael
Nice to meet you, my name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

I'm asking, “What do you do marriage and childbirth for,” but in conclusion, I think it's instinct and ego as a living thing.

Marriage isn't the only happiness.
There are people who are suffering because they are not blessed with marriage partners.
Having children isn't the only happiness.
Children have various problems, and they also suffer from them.

No matter how much I say such things, getting married or having children will probably make my head go haywire. Even if you think that single people can spend their time comfortably, if there are photos of weddings or the birth of children on New Year's cards, your heart will probably get bogged down. I think that's because they have instincts that cannot be controlled by reason.

In the Buddha's words, there is something called “Arita Yuta Aritake Utaku Mutamata Melancholy Arita No House Matai Melancholy Home.”
If you have rice paddies, you worry about rice paddies; if you have a house, you worry about your house.
If there are no rice paddies, I'm sad “I want rice paddies,” and if I don't have a house, I'm worried “I want a house”
In other words, humans are worried in any situation.

Even if Michael doesn't get married or can't have children, grief arises.
Similarly, whether you get married or have children, grief arises.
But not only is it sad, but there is also joy and fun that can only be born from that situation.

I don't think Michael is suited for marriage.
I don't think being alone is an absolute requirement for happiness.
Wouldn't it be better to spend your days without thinking too much about it and leave it up to your relationship?

One last thing.
The people around Michael may not be progressing naturally either.
Actually, they probably registered with a marriage agency and went to marriage hunting parties. Maybe she was having a hard time with infertility treatment.
I think there are people who struggled out of sight of Michael with the goal of getting married or having children.
I think it's best to keep that in mind.

“Mission is how we should use this life”
“Fate is how should we carry this life”
Even if it doesn't mean that in terms of dictionaries, I've heard from a teacher I respect that “should” read it that way.
By doing so, you will naturally be able to see and discover the meaning of your own life.
If you are pessimistic about your life being unenjoyable or boring, you will give up your right to be happy with the life we share.
It would be a waste to let life and fate, which have been carried from an infinite past, end unhappy in your generation.
There are people who want to leave good feelings and teachings without discrimination against their own children, even those who have not had children.
All living things are trying to live better.
All living things are trying to be better.
Each life is trying to live as best as possible in that life.
You and I exist so that all lives can steer each other on a better path.
Even if you are hurt by being swallowed up by the rough seas of life, you should take it positively.
This is what Buddhism refers to as the Bodhi Heart, which is ambition.
If you think “it's impossible to get married or have children anyway, it's unfortunate,” I feel that way.
Even so, it is Bodhi's heart to express a wish that “I will survive strongly no matter what difficulties I face.”
When you awaken this Bodhi Heart, you will feel a vibrant energy.
If you are steeped in dark thoughts, they will show up in your facial expressions and attitudes, and of course neither happiness nor the opposite sex will come close to you.
Pessimistic thoughts only hurt yourself. Look objectively at the fact that you live in a negative world and if that's scary, let's say abana (Nagano dialect).
Let's express a strong wish, “No matter who I meet, what kind of unlucky marriage I have, or what kind of misfortune I am hit by, I will live the life I have received to the fullest.”
If you do that, you won't succumb to the moody energy that torments you, and you'll have the power to overcome it.
I am also the one who can keep myself in the dark.

If you go to the restaurant floor of a department store, there are many different shops lined up. Which restaurants are delicious? I wonder if I should stop this store because it seems expensive? Should I have Chinese today?

There are people who make a quick decision and enter the store, there are also people who can't decide after all and skip lunch, and there are also people who eat at home from the beginning if they don't want to waste money eating out. There are people who are satisfied with eating it, and there are also people who would have liked to go to a different restaurant.

I'm sorry for comparing marriage to lunch.
However, I don't think I'll get an answer even if I think too deeply. As we eat and talk with various men, I think Michael's feelings will come to terms. Anxiety may increase if it is far from being decided. In such a case, please don't worry about it alone and talk to various people.

I'm afraid it's a private matter, but I was worried, so did I properly turn off the lights in the main hall? I've checked it over and over again, and I wonder if they locked the front door? I reach for the doorknob over and over again. I'm already dealing with myself by saying that's what it is.

Please don't worry about Michael trying to force himself to stop worrying either. You don't have to worry about trying to cure your anxious self.

　The happiness of being single... the happiness of a married couple... the happiness of having children... the happiness of a married couple alone... each happiness is a different kind of happiness, so there is no way to compare them.

In other words, once you get married, you have to let go of the happiness you felt when you were single, and having children involves the hardships of raising children.

I have a wife and children, and now I can enjoy a sense of happiness that I couldn't have experienced when I was single or married, but at the same time, I think I'm struggling just as much.

I hope you don't give up on Michael's wishes to get married and raise children.

Mr. Michael

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

“Why do people seek marriage and childbirth?” ... I wonder if there is an aspect of satisfying reproductive desires as a species or for satisfying survival desires by building interdependent relationships... I think the instinctive aspect is stronger than thinking in terms of logic.

“What is' happiness'?” ... I have dealt with this “happiness” a little bit in my humble answer to the question below.

Question “I can't find a purpose to live, and getting a job is depressing”
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/508

As I mentioned in my humble answer here, in Buddhism, worldly happiness is not true happiness, and the purpose is to aim for enlightenment and nirvana as the ultimate supreme happiness. Michael has also fallen into various kinds of anxiety, and it looks like he is suffering... I would like you to think a little bit about how happy he would be if that suffering could be completely destroyed.

“... Of course, even if you're not interested in nirvana or enlightenment right now, if you want to seek good rewards and good results in this life, you still need causes and relationships (conditions) for that. There is no way that good rewards or happiness will come by itself from somewhere without any cause or relationship. In order for seeds to germinate, water, light, nutrients, and causes and relationships for germination are necessary, and seeds alone do not result in germination without cause or relationship with water, light, nutrients, etc. In order for happiness to sprout, a certain cause and relationship is necessary, and in Buddhism, this is what becomes a “good act.” ・・”

For example, in order to sprout the happiness that Michael is thinking about, of course, Michael himself must work on building up causes and relationships for that purpose. If you can build up reliable causes and relationships for that, you will eventually be able to hope for good rewards, but if you don't build up causes and relationships, you will never be able to hope for that reward. In any case, good deeds are essential for good rewards, both secular and Buddhist. By all means, I would be happy if you could think about this for a moment. I wish you happiness.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Others are others, and I am myself.

The lawn next door... I wonder.

Once you understand this, there's nothing to be afraid of.

this is it. The solution is...

Comparing with others is an unnecessary source of worry.