I want to make sure I don't want to die

Good morning, LIMI.
“There are times when I can't stay sane because I'm attacked by guilt and the feeling that I want to run away”
Every human being has always had this feeling.
You're not alone, so don't worry!

Well, what do you need when you're in a situation like yours?
It's “reading.”
Let's go to the library first.
Then read the book that caught your eye from end to end.
Children's stories, comics, picture books, etc.
It's for kids, isn't it! Please read it without saying anything.
There are times when I feel like I can't help but feel like it.

There are so many things you can use for free.
It's a “waste” if you don't use it.

You'd better stop looking for happiness in your head, too.
This is because when you don't get it, a sense of loss, mistake, and damage is created.
When you shoot with an unbearable bow, it doesn't hit, but it doesn't come off
The search for happiness in Zen means that once you stop even seeking happiness, the direction you seek immediately changes, and you feel familiar happiness, and you become happy.
The moment you stop looking for the happiness you're looking for, you have something with a different label in your hands. They also call it treasure, once-in-a-lifetime meeting, now, present, etc.
By taking good care of that, you will be able to break out of the negative cycle.
I think you have a strong habit of pedaling your head's thought as one of the things you've been addicted to for some time. Zen is a way of life where you don't pedal your thoughts.
It's a way of life where you don't seek to acquire anything.
That's why it's best to stop philosophizing. After all, it's about pedaling your head.
Zen is not philosophy. They notice themselves thinking unconsciously, and stop driving the thought pedal.
You're in this world.
I'm watching the same world as you.
You try to be happy by pedaling a lot in your head, but I'm happy even if I don't seek happiness. Rather, they aren't looking for it, because they haven't set a destination for the future.
So there's nothing to try to gain.
That's why I feel at ease.
Once upon a time, I tried very hard in my head, but I couldn't get happiness.
That's when I realized it clearly. “Oh, the fact that I can't be happy as a result of what I've done is that the way to seek happiness itself, my attitude was wrong,” and it was a complete defeat.
So, I think it's better for you to acknowledge that the way you're asking is wrong.
Instead of thinking or seeking within your head, you should seek that there is a world away from your thoughts and thoughts.
Do you know what you're doing right now?
I think it's almost like they're pedaling their thoughts.
If that didn't make you happy, that's the answer.
The pedal you should kick is not a thought, thought, thought pedal,
It's a pedal for the world of seeing, hearing, and feeling.
I recommend meditating and leaving the world of thoughts and thoughts.

Depression is an illness.
No matter what the trigger is, just as your physical strength drops and you catch a cold,
I think I caught a cold in my heart due to an event where my mental resistance weakened slightly.

Isn't the feeling of guilt and wanting to run away because depression still remains?

When you catch a cold and have a high fever, is there anyone who blames you for the reason or for not being able to do it?
... you don't usually blame me, do you?

Yes, I think you first need to forgive yourself.

Normally, people retire due to depression and can't easily get into another job.
You probably worked pretty hard.
It's great.
Please give yourself a compliment.

Also, thank your body for continuing to support you at all times without complaining.

Above all else, to those of you who live by stepping on your feet without dying even though it was really painful,
I appreciate it.

Thank you so much!!

Please don't compare yourself to others.
You're living your life.
You can just leave it as you are.

If you live as it is, your illness will surely go away when the time comes.

Until then, to the great thing (also called Buddha) which is the root of the universe
Why don't you just throw all the pain that's attacking you?
You can also call the name of your favorite Buddha.
It's vaguely “Buddha!” It's okay to say that.

Please try calling the Buddha's name while crying.

I think it's worth a try.

LIMI

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

It looks like you're being tormented by a sense of loss due to a great heartbreak... it's really painful...

I know that it will still take time to wipe away the grief of heartbreak.

Anyway, looking back on this love this time around, and rather than feeling sorry, worried, or sad, it's my next love.

Regarding romance, I have answered the following questions until now.

http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/cat_318674.html

The question “How can I forget the person I broke up with?”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1002960601.html

“... I know it will still take some time to look forward. Right now, I'm still immersed in the afterglow of that love, and I think it would be good to have fun. There are times when time resolves things little by little. And, on the other hand, you may have been given a lot of freedom, both mentally and physically. Taking advantage of that freedom, you can enjoy traveling, shopping, and leisure with friends and acquaintances, and even going out to various places to meet people.

Right now, of course, it may still be unthinkable, but... I think the best medicine for a broken heart is a new love.

Eventually, I'll be able to look back on this heartbreak later, saying that it was necessary to seize happiness, and it would be nice if I could turn it into a good memory. ・・”

And love depends on relationships anyway. Nothing starts if you don't start by looking for a good relationship. As with anything, if you want good results, you have to rely on good relationships. Let's go to a good relationship and the next love.

Regarding happiness, we have dealt with the following questions until now. Please take a look.

http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/tag/幸せ

I wish LIMI happiness.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho