Please help

　Good evening. I'm indebted to you.
I'm currently living in Tokyo. I lived in Aomori until about six months ago. It's a bit complicated, but my parents who lived in Aomori around 2018 were transferred to Tokyo due to work circumstances. I was in high school at the time, and I decided to stay with my grandparents for 3 years because I didn't want to change high schools. Then I graduated from high school six months ago and got a job in Tokyo where my parents live, and now I live at home.
My grandmother is in trouble right now. I can't move, and I'm in a state where I can't do anything. My grandmother currently has depression-like symptoms. In addition to depression, foot pain such as not being able to walk and diseases where internal organs deteriorate have developed.
In addition to that, my grandfather had a stroke about a year and a half ago, and my grandmother is now taking care of her due to the sequelae of the stroke. However, my grandmother is also not in a state where she can live while taking care of her grandfather.
My grandmother had her son (mother's younger brother from my point of view) and relatives take me to the hospital, but my son and relatives were disgusted and stopped doing anything to my grandmother. Symptoms of depression don't appear externally, so my relatives don't understand at all that you should do your best alone, even if you're not sick.
My mom also said she wanted to do something about it, but since she lives in Tokyo, it's not that easy.
No matter how sick my grandmother was, no one nearby took her to the hospital, so today she finally called an ambulance herself and went to the hospital.
However, after that, my son also came to the hospital and was examined together, and it seems that my son told the doctor only symptoms of foot pain and came back from the hospital without touching on essential depression-like symptoms.
According to my mother's story, she probably said that she didn't tell her on purpose because if a diagnosis of depression or mental illness came out, it would be troublesome later (nursing care for grandparents, etc.).
People who are supposed to be close can't be relied upon, and there's nothing you can do about it. What comes to mind is anxiety that my grandmother will commit suicide if this is the case. She is like a second mother who took care of me for 3 years, and rather than doing nothing and having the worst results and regretting it, I thought about going back to Aomori and doing something about it, but I don't have the courage to do it despite this situation. It's really powerless.
Isn't there a solution that can break this situation? Please answer.

4 Zen Responses

You're worried, aren't you? Delivering kindness from afar

I'm worried about that.
If you consult with the Aomori government and get connected to a civil affairs committee member, public health nurse, etc., you may be able to get support from the community.
Also, even from a distance, I think it's important to make time to talk face to face online on Skype, Zoom, Meet, etc., and be frequent conversation partners.

I feel like there are things I can do even if I live far away.
There are also difficulties that only people who live nearby can understand, and I think it would be nice if they did what they could do calmly without making too many decisions.

Let's get in touch

I read it.
I'm very worried about my grandmother and my grandfather. I can tell you that you are plagued by anxiety and worry that you can't stay even when you are standing. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
If it's such a situation, my uncles probably ignore it or don't feel like dealing with it. If you lived there, please try contacting your neighbors, close people, town presidents, town council caretakers, and members of the Civil Affairs and Children Committee. Alternatively, there may also be a consultation desk at the local social welfare council, so I think it's okay to contact them promptly and ask the staff at the Regional Comprehensive Support Center to take care of them.
It's someone closer than a distant relative. My grandmother and grandfather have lived together with everyone in the community until now, so let's talk to people close to you and local government and ask for support.
There are always people who can help. Both your grandmother and grandfather are never alone, so you will definitely be able to receive help and support in the relationships of various people. Also, be examined by a specialist as soon as possible, and have your grandmother's current situation diagnosed before being treated and treated.
Your life is important too. Let's be considerate of your grandmother and grandfather while taking care of your current life. It's an important life for each of us, and it's an important everyday life.
I sincerely pray that my grandmother and grandfather will be helped by many people and that they will live every day with peace of mind, and that you will live every day with peace of mind and fulfillment.

How to perceive symptoms differs from person to person

　Saiki, the health of the grandparents who took good care of them has weakened, and it must be really heartbreaking. Please take care of yourself.
Now, with your mother's information, I think you thought you wouldn't be able to stay even after being told that it was a difficult situation, but your mother's younger brother doesn't seem to feel a sense of crisis. I think this is a difference in how people who are far away and those who are close have the same symptoms but are perceived differently. If you go to Aomori, I think the relatives you haven't met in a long time will answer that they have grown up. However, I think it's hard for the family you meet all the time to understand your changes. Similarly, I think your mother thought the same. Even though they were fine grandparents until recently... I think both responses are correct.
However, please think a little more about your response. Now, what you should do is not take care of your grandparents. What you should do is live a way of life that responds to the feelings of your parents who fulfilled your selfishness that you don't want to change schools and your grandparents who took care of you. The time you worry is when your parents are in a nursing state. Until then, it's about investigating insurance, financial aspects, and what kind of procedures are necessary little by little in your own way.
When Dogen Zenji, the founder of the Soto sect, went with him when he went to study in China, his master of the Meizen Zenji was sick and almost died even now. Everyone said that what they should do to visit and take care of is to repay their kindness, but Meizen-san didn't go. The reason at that time was “I just went and they said they often came here. My master's teaching was to master Buddhism. Therefore, if I miss this period now, I don't know when the next one will come. So, I'm going to study in China. Then, in order to repay my master's kindness, I will take Buddhism to the extreme.” It seems that he said that.
I'm not asking you to act this way. However, if you're swept away by your surroundings and really neglect what you need to do now, isn't taking on the work you've been given now a way to respond to your grandparents? Please take it as an option. It's definitely not.

Let's make use of the welfare system

Saiki. Good evening.

Other monk teachers have answered about the use of the welfare system, so I won't write about it.

Well, is your state of mind and body okay? I'm not putting the cart before the horse, but as a matter of fact, there is a considerable physical distance between Tokyo and Aomori. That's probably why you're uneasy, but “even if you want to do it right away... it's not...” I think Saiki knows best that the situation is under. It's natural for your own health to feel uneasy about that, but don't let yourself be destroyed; you have a life for tomorrow. It's like a chain of sorrow.

In other words, is it okay if you are sincerely worried about your family? Isn't that impossible? I thought so many monk teachers answered, but let me leave them as comments.

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