There's no point in living

You have a disability and you're in a very difficult situation, aren't you? Also, I really understand how difficult the relationship with my husband is and how difficult it is financially.
First of all, I would like you to slowly talk with your husband based on the economy in order to improve the current situation. If your husband doesn't take care of you at all, I think it's better to consult with a public institution such as the person in charge of the city hall and talk with your husband again. Since money received due to disability is paid for that purpose, it is money used for that purpose.
And I think the first step is to treat the disease so that it improves little by little.
Also, once your condition has improved somewhat, it is better to think about living again. The purpose of life is something you spend your whole life discovering. The answer is not easy to find. So first, please stabilize the relationship between treatment and your husband.
I'm praying that your illness will improve and that you can live with your husband in peace.

It's a very difficult situation, so while you're here,
Thank you for being alive.

Living also means being exposed to many difficult situations.

But even under such circumstances, rather than making a complaint
I recommend looking for things you can be thankful for in each one.

For example, before my parents, they stay close to me when I don't have any friends
Why don't you thank your husband by saying “thank you for being there”?

Humans tend to forget to be grateful for things they take for granted.
I'm breathing air as a matter of course,
Without air, people can't live.
No living thing can live without water, forest, ocean...

Things I actually take for granted even the little things in life
But it's often really troublesome if you don't have one.

I have a place where I live. I can sleep on a futon. I can eat rice. (Let's talk to my husband so we can eat three meals if possible)
Let's be thankful for these.

Try searching for things you can be thankful for like a game.
And let's be thankful.

Let's be thankful for even the smallest things.

Try to keep doing that for as long as possible.
At first, just one day is fine.
Next is just 2 days...
stretch it out little by little like that...
Please continue to be thankful.

I'm sure you'll find happiness in being alive.

When people are driven, the desire for death lifts their heads. However, what brought out that thought was none other than the desire to live.
I want to die I want to die is actually a cry that I want to live.
I recommend that you actually visit a temple and let out your thoughts.
I can't tell you to die or live, but why don't you drop that life you are prepared to abandon into the teachings of the Buddha?

Hello, Yumi. My name is Kurokawa (Kurokawa). I read the message, and my suffering was conveyed. It's painful. It seems like you're disappointed by your husband who doesn't understand and compassion, and you can't do anything about it.
Among the suffering taught by Buddhism, there is something called “grudge and bitterness (Onzō Eku).” To put it bluntly, it's the suffering of having to face even someone you don't like. Humans experienced this suffering even before the time of ancient India.
Until a year ago, women were supposed to raise children while doing housework, and it was nothing other than going to work! and women's human rights were being ignored. And even if the husband used violence against his wife, the woman was not even allowed to get divorced. Even though it's painful to be together. It really is grudge and bitterness.
But that is a thing of the past, and now women have the right to choose. It seems like Yumi is receiving acts from her husband that could be taken as abuse. Taking the plunge and getting divorced is one option. You can also ask welfare or an NPO corporation for support.

There is nothing meaningless about human life. Not only people, but all lives have meaning.
Whether we are healthy or disabled, we all have an equal weight in life. Yumi's life is the same as the life of Yumi's husband who is fed up with it.
There is a story about Amida from the Pure Land Shinshu sect, and there is a story about Amida giving each life a role. The roles of good people and bad people all become Buddhas when their lives are over. Since posterity will turn it into a Buddha, it is the Buddha who wishes to live that life to the fullest. I have no intention of recommending evil (justifying my husband's actions). However, your husband's actions will make you stronger and kinder as food for the future.
Please don't throw away your precious life. Yumi's courageous confession gives courage to those who have the same problems!
That's because Yumi has the role of sending out the pain of life and things that don't go the way you want them to, as a wake-up call to the world. Yumi's life is a precious and thankful life where I myself learned a lot.

As you know very well, a disability pension is a system that provides livelihood for those who are unable or have difficulty working. It's not meant to be freely used for things whose purpose of use is unclear. It's covered by everyone's blood tax. Just because you have a disability doesn't mean you're allowed to do anything, and I don't think you need to take care of your husband for the rest of your life. Where feelings of compassion for each other are important, how should we live without putting in money? Rather, work, earn money, feed, am I sick and struggling? I can only hear that, but is this an oversight on my part? I apologize if I've said too much. There are places where I get really emotional.
First of all, since it's an illness, I think it's important to continue a proper lifestyle on the premise that it will be cured properly, but my husband doesn't seem to be aware of that. And your suffering. It's going to be hard even if you look at it from a distance. Why do I have to endure this? I painfully understand. Don't make an effort that isn't rewarded. Rather than struggling for your husband, please change your perspective, use this as a starting point, and walk through your own life for yourself. You can walk on your own feet, work, and earn money, and your life is about to come. Why don't you design your own life?
I pray for your independence, success, and happiness.