I doubt the feeling of losing

Thank you Sumou for your question.

Winning or losing has nothing to do with pure romantic feelings.

Maybe it's normal to think so.

Even so, you're puzzled by the fact that you felt “lost.”

It is humans who have romantic feelings.

Unfortunately, humans don't seem to be very pure.

Of course, the romantic feelings you have had for someone you've liked until now are real.

But maybe you couldn't be pure as a human being.

No matter what, humans have a habit of measuring things with their own yardstick.

My well-loved self is wonderful. My heartbroken self feels miserable.

Isn't this an obsession?

You compared your well-loved self to your heartbroken self.

Also, I compared you to her, who is a friend who has earned love with “someone I've liked until now.”

Isn't that what it is?

I'm sure this is a problem that every human being faces, to varying degrees.

Yes. I think a sense of competition and a sense of superiority or inferiority were probably at the root.
Or maybe the comparison was born as soon as there were other people.
The timing was bad wasn't it (ToT)
However, it is important whether humans were ultimately happy or not.
Today it just so happened that my kid took another kid's toy and made them cry and said, “I won,” so I was just trying to appease them, saying, “That's strange.”
However, it means that humans fundamentally have a sense of winning and losing.

Humans are originally nobody's.
Humans don't belong to anyone.
You and your partner don't belong to anyone else.
I would like the consultant to use this as an opportunity to know the following.

Humans can't own anything.
Humans can't own humans.
There are ups and downs, hate, hate, and hate, even when it comes to getting along.
I can only see good places in one aspect because of love.
The fact that there is something to lose must have been something to gain, but humans originally don't have anything of their own.
Life isn't about winning or losing.
Winning or losing is a comparison. The idea of winning and losing compared to others, and being happy and unhappy compared to people is simply a competition, fight, competition.
Humans cannot arrive at a true sense of happiness while there is a devious sense that they shot that person and won.
Therefore, let's seek an absolute way of life without being compared to others.
Don't compare, just live for yourself.
Your opponent is your opponent, you live your life. Let's take this opportunity to correct the trajectory and start again.

Sumou-san. You haven't lost. Did my friend really win? You've lost a friend called yourself, haven't you? in exchange for my boyfriend. Is this really a good thing? I can never ask you when I'm worried about him. The number of people I can talk to has decreased. This is important. Even so, if you talk to them, you may be able to ignore it, but if you can understand that right now, you should make an effort to help your friend. This is the best revenge. If you don't come, don't come and you won't have to use any wasted effort, so let's consider yourself lucky.
There's still more, and if you move actively, there are plenty of encounters waiting for you. If anything, I think someone who likes you is better later than someone you like, but since it's an unrelated business, I won't pursue it any deeper. I wish you all the best.

Sumou-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

Winning or losing... certainly, in our world, we often compete, compare, and evaluate, and it's something that makes us happy and disappointed when we win, lose, high, low, big, small...

However, as long as you stay within the eight laws of the world (gain, loss, praise, blame, honor, slander, ease, and suffering), Buddhism thinks that it will not change to being a “loser” (person who hesitates or suffers) in any case.

The purpose of Buddhism is to surpass such wins and losses in the world and become the best winner.

Incidentally, it is said that Buddha was declared the winner as soon as he was born. (Heaven, world, and I alone are the only ones). This can be taken as a declaration that enlightenment will be attained, but in Buddhism, it is necessary to proceed with various efforts (Buddhist practice) in order to aim to surpass this world of hesitation and suffering.

Also, things like the above can be said when thinking about “happiness.”

Question “Does Buddhism seek happiness after death?”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1002979923.html

Question “I can't find a purpose to live, and getting a job is depressing”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1003004333.html

“... If you want to seek good rewards and good results in this life, you still need a cause and relationship (condition) for that. There is no way that good rewards or happiness will come by itself from somewhere without any cause or relationship. In order for seeds to germinate, water, light, nutrients, and causes and relationships for germination are necessary, and seeds alone do not result in germination without cause or relationship with water, light, nutrients, etc. In order for happiness to sprout, a certain cause and relationship is necessary, and in Buddhism, this is what becomes a “good act.” ・・”

Anyway, what will be important in your future life, whether it's love or marriage, is an effort aimed at good causes and relationships. It is only by gathering good causes and relationships that we can hope for good results. Let's work hard together.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho