The meaning of living

I don't think my family cares for me.
A family is simply called a “tribe,” and I thought they would encourage and help other families when they were struggling.

However, in reality, even if I am bullied, I am bombarded with words such as “because you are weak” or “it costs money because you are there,” and every time difficulties arise, such as “because you are weak” or “it costs money because you are there,” and every time difficulties arise, such as “because you are weak” or “it costs money because you are there,” and every time difficulties arise, such as “because you are weak” or “you are there,” they want to disappear and die.

I have never been supported by my parents for my happiness. I grew up being told by my mother that if you do what you love, you're selfish and fine.

I feel like I was born into an enemy.
The energy and ambition of wanting to live and overcome against the amount of difficulties has already been exhausted in Cascus like ashes.

I'm not on good terms with my parents, siblings, and my parents' sibling's family, and I live while relying on counseling and medicine from psychosomatic medicine and employment support agencies.

Now I quit my previous job the year before last, and it's just before welfare, but my parents only pay for the money. I'm being taken care of now, but if you go back to the beginning, my parents controlled my violent grudges and career path when I was little, and I was given a sense of emptiness that I wasn't able to live the way I wanted, and now that I'm 31 years old ~ since I've come of age ~ I've come of age ~ I've come of age ~ I've come of age ~ it's easy to kill my parents.

I'm struggling with what kind of mindset I should live the rest of my life with.

I've also met a lot of people, such as Kasuhara, etc., but I'm taking medicine that has strong energy to work, live well, and even though it's harder than this, it doesn't spring up.

If you have any suggestions on how to think, I'd be happy to hear from you.

It's spring Obon, but I have a strong grudge against my parents, so visiting my ancestors' graves is also painful. It makes me think that without these guys...

Thank you for your support.

3 Zen Responses

Let's draw boundaries and live a positive life

Do GREEN FIRE's parents look happy now?
Are you enjoying your life?
If the answer is NO, why don't you draw a firm psychological and physical boundary between you and your parents?
I think I'm going to take a different path from now on...
I think GREEN FIRE should freely design a happy and enjoyable life in her own way.
You can use chagrin as a springboard.
If it's different, you should redraw it again.

For example, set short-, medium-, and long-term goals.
In the short term, I studied psychology, counseling, communication, and got some qualifications.
You can advance your career in the medium term.
Marriage hunting etc. in the long run...

However, they aren't absolute; they just loosely say “it would be nice if I could get used to it...” Steadily and...
I feel like I'm clearing it with plenty of time while going back and forth over and over again.

It's unnecessary to limit your feelings towards your parents to anger, so it would be great if you could sublimate them in sports or art (whatever you want to output), and volunteering would be great too.

Also, I thought it might be a good idea to ask a private counselor or doctor. There was a time when I thought that the way I looked at my family might change.

That means you may have had attachment issues with your parents.
If that is the case, the words “someone who can help...” and “not taken care of” written at the beginning
Maybe it's because my parents were in a slightly difficult position to sympathize with pain and pain.
I think they're intricately intertwined right now.
In the future, I thought we would be able to have more in-depth discussions on how to heal and overcome past wounds.
(sorry if I already knew)
Also, since there are many lessons about attachment in books, YouTube, etc., I think understanding will deepen if you take initiative.

〈Thank you〉
Thank you for your kind words. I'm really happy and encouraged to read it over and over again!
I think there are many reasons for not feeling well, but in particular, writing down emotions such as anger in an “anger notebook” may be effective. When you feel energetic, it's also good to relieve stress and get angry at a batting center or the like. Anger can become even more troublesome if left unattended.
Please don't be impatient and refresh yourself with the ocean and delicious food!

Move slowly without blaming yourself

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I think it was really painful to be hurt by words and attitudes from parents and family, and to have feelings of “disappearing” and “dying” for a long time in an isolated heart. Nevertheless, I have sincere respect for their courage in putting it into words in this way.
Originally, parents and family are supposed to help and support each other, but the words and actions you have received were absurd, far from love. As we continue to receive such treatment, it is natural to feel resentment and a sense of emptiness. Having a grudge isn't a bad thing. It is a legitimate feeling of suffering you have suffered, and please acknowledge that anger without denying it first. Even in Buddhism, “anger” and “resentment” are natural cries in the heart.
There is no need to force yourself to be positive about feelings of “emptiness” or “lack of energy to live.” Please don't deny yourself the pain you feel, and think “it's enough just to be alive right now.” While living itself is difficult, it is admirable to take a small step.
Slowly letting go of the thought that “parents should be like this” and searching for people and places where you can feel safe without being bound by blood ties may be a step to lighten the burden on your heart even when what you expected from your parents and family did not come true. There is a possibility that love and support that has not been satisfied until now will be filled in a different form in the future of life.
When it comes to visiting graves, there is no rule that says “you have to be thankful.” If you have feelings of not being able to forgive your parents or ancestors, it's enough not to push them in and put your hands together with your feelings as they are. It's an important way to pray just by quietly organizing your thoughts in your mind without trying to force yourself to be thankful.
The fact that we have endured so many hardships until now is precious enough. Please don't blame yourself or rush things right now, and move forward so that little by little you can let go of the burden on your heart. I would like to continue to be close to you without denying your suffering. Please let me hear your story anytime. I sincerely hope that the day will come when you can feel even a little easier.

Let me tell you the meaning of living

I read it.
I read that you are very worried about the meaning of life. Up until now, you've been told very bad things and treated badly by your family. You envy and hate your family, and you have a very painful feeling and want to die. I don't know the details about you or your family, but I really understand your painful feelings.
You may have lived a desperate life with such painful feelings until now. And maybe I'm really worried about whether there's a point in my life or whether there's a point in living from now on.
If you don't mind, please share your thoughts here as well. You also have a relationship with us here. It may be difficult to talk about everything, but to the extent possible, please discuss privacy-related matters individually online.
I feel that there is some meaning in the fact that you have formed a relationship with us here now. Something of yours may have made it here. Or maybe the Buddha or God led us here.
Please slowly express your thoughts and your various feelings. Let's share your thoughts and feelings little by little while sharing with us here too. Then, let's talk about the meaning and purpose of your life and the future. We look forward to welcoming you.

← all dialogues ← previous next →