I want to die by taking responsibility that was born

Every day I don't listen to what my children say, it gets worse day by day, and I feel responsible for being born and want to die (I want my children to go away too). My husband (late 40's) and I (late 40's) both work full time
The child is an 8-year-old boy alone, but since he wears a uniform and goes to school by train,
I thought they were telling them the rules and following them,
Using a watermelon charge that I had saved in case something happened, I bought drinks at vending machines and confectionaries at convenience stores, and my husband noticed and discovered that the money was running out. Other than that, they playfully apologize and pick them up for lessons at school and lessons, but the day after they were scolded, they bought drinks at the vending machine for 3 days in a row, and it seems that my husband, who was supposed to be calm, also changed from the middle of raising children, and hit him while crying, but I don't understand the words my parents conveyed makes me doubt my illness. I also think I'll shoplift if I don't charge it, and I'm exhausted from keeping it alive and spending my days apologizing. I'm thinking about quitting my job, and I've been talking a lot to my kids, but there's no improvement and it's just going in a bad direction. Children seem to be looking forward only to baseball on the weekend, but when they think about going on to college, etc., it is difficult to spend time without studying at all, and it feels like children themselves neglect their daily homework and keep chasing entertainment. I myself am showering with a number of words I shouldn't say to children, and even though I didn't want this kind of child-rearing, I didn't find any value in living with children who were getting worse day by day, and I think mother and child should take responsibility for birth. If I can quit my job and face my kids, I'm thinking about that too. The lesson teacher said, “That's terrible.” “I'm not motivated.” There are times when people say, “But if I leave it to you, I'll take a look at the child,” etc., and even if they say bad things about the child, I can only think that it's for the money, and I have a feeling that I want to go back and say why it has to be said this way, but after all, I think it's because of this parent, and I'm thinking about quitting right away. I'm tired from raising children (or rather, living as a person), and my ability to think has declined.
I would be very grateful if you could give me any advice, but thank you very much.

4 Zen Responses

Talk to the public health nurse at the government office

There is also a risk that it will develop into child abuse at this rate.
First, let's talk about your child's current situation with the public health nurse or school counselor at the government office.
There are also people who become serious as adults, such as becoming Yankees and teachers when they were kids.
There are individual differences in the speed of mental development, so even what you can't do now doesn't necessarily mean you can't do it for the rest of your life.
First, let's listen to the opinions of experts.
Now, in Buddhism, I think that worries such as greed, anger, laziness, pride, etc. cause worry, suffering, and stress.
You seem to be concerned about your own value of existence in the wake of your child's bad behavior.
This is because of the anxiety of pride (the worry of worrying about one's own worth).
No matter what kind of child your child is, originally, you don't need to blame yourself, and there's no need to be ashamed.
It just so happened that your child was that kind of kid, and you just have to do what you can to the extent you can.
If suicidal thoughts continue for days, there is a possibility of a mental health disorder (poor brain or nerve condition) such as “depression,” so why not see a psychosomatic medicine yourself?
Surprisingly, there are cases where poor physical condition is the cause, so there are also problems that can be overcome (feel fine) if you become physically healthy.

Thank you for your question.
Wouldn't it be better than buying sweets or juice? Being able to shop properly is a great thing. It's great that elementary school students can commute to school by train. If the purchase amount is too large, please give them the cost of the day in cash every morning instead of a charge. If you want something more expensive than your money, tell them to save and buy it without using your expenses. Dad, don't hit him. Please use that hand to play catch. It's not a disease where children don't listen, isn't it a disease where parents want to move their children the way they want? What did you wish for when you gave birth? Didn't you think it would be nice if you were satisfied with your five bodies? I don't do homework because it's more fun to play. It's not just your child. Nobita-kun, who appeared in Doraemon comics decades ago, was scolded by his mother every day for doing his homework. Isn't it nice to be like a kid to play without doing homework? Parents should have fun doing their homework together. Playing is part of a child's job, isn't it?
There are lots of child-rearing books and comics, so both parents should read lots of them. Studying to raise children is homework for you parents.
May your child grow up bright and healthy.

Let's calm down.

I read your question.

Please calm down and calm down first.

What is Suica's money for children
The money I received from my parents.
I was thirsty, so I bought a drink at the vending machine and drank it.
I was hungry, so I bought sweets and ate them.
If he were a really bad kid,
Leave Suica as it is so it doesn't get caught
I think they'll steal it.

It's just a child's indulgence.
I'm an only child, so that's even more so.

Here,
I think I should change my lesson teacher while breaking the bank.
It's awful, isn't it? ← what's so bad?
I'm not motivated. ←How do I get motivated?
If you're pointing out a problem, you should indicate the cause and countermeasures.
On the contrary, I think going to such places is a waste of time and money.

From a foolish point of view, he's a very normal kid.

Why are you hunting them so harshly?
Yourself by yourself

First, a child is a single person.
They are different personalities.
Your values are something you have formed yourself.
Children don't have enough experience to appreciate such things.
For example, for children who want to do comedy in the future,
Get out of top universities and go on to top companies.
Can you really be happy if you follow that path?
Foolishness went its own way along the way.

Why are you yourself exhausted?
You can't say you're happy right now.

Please take a day off first.
Like going to an amusement park with your kids
Why don't you go play?
Movies and meals are fine too.

It's about sharing fun things.
You haven't laughed lately, have you?
Try creating an environment where you can laugh and laugh with old women.

I'm sure it will change your mind.

I wish the family all the best.
　
　

When I think about it, my field of view narrows. Trust that you'll recover

Mr. Shisa
Nice to meet you
My name is Kimi.
Thank you for your support.
Thank you for your daily childcare. You've been putting quite a bit of thought into it, and it seems that fatigue is also at its peak. Childcare is also a physical strength game, so why don't Shisa take the plunge and recuperate first?
You should also take a break from work. Mother and child are connected, so children may be worried about their mother. Strangely enough, they do the opposite of what their parents think due to reaction.

There are individual differences, but there may also be developmental problems, so I think it would be a good idea to consult with a school counselor, pediatrician, or psychosomatic medicine.
Another monk teacher also wrote earlier, but I think it will come close to a solution even if you call the public health center for consultation, saying “I have a problem with childcare.”

There is nothing shameful about going to psychosomatic medicine. If you are interested, there are various clinics one station away, university hospitals, general hospitals, bright clinics like cafes... so please find a place that suits you.
A relationship of trust with doctors and psychologists will be restored quickly.
I think you don't have to worry about having to take medicine for the rest of your life.
My horizons will expand after a few months due to drug therapy, counseling, environmental adjustments, regular lifestyle, etc.
“Why was I thinking so hard?” It should change that much.
Even with that alone, when you have any concerns, you can consult with hasunoha again, and when you feel energetic, activities at a nearby temple (listening to Buddhist stories, zazen meditation, mindfulness, yoga, sutras...)
If you do something you like, I think you'll be more interested in Buddhism and be motivated to live.

Shisa is not alone.
I feel that my lesson teacher and I just happened to be depressed because they were mentally weak.
I was originally able to bounce off...

When it's hard, come here and let out your thoughts.
“I've recovered!” Anything is fine even if it's not a report
Please rely on hasunoha.
Please be a daiji

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