My sister is a giver and I am a steward

Thank you so much for contacting us.

I feel that the heartache you have had is so deep and profound that you cannot reach it with simple words of comfort.

I was told “I'm a stealing person,” and while being bound by those words that were engraved into my very existence, it became difficult to rely on people or even honestly express my gratitude...
How lonely you must have spent your days.

First, let me be clear. You are by no means a “stealing person.”

“Giving” isn't just about handing things over.

In Buddhism, there is a teaching called “worship (fuse).” Donation refers to “giving,” that is, the act of offering something of oneself for others, but that is not necessarily money or goods.

In Buddhism, there are various types of offerings. Here, I would like to introduce the three offerings.

Eye care (gaze) = giving a gentle gaze. Treat people with an eye that doesn't scare them or reject them.

Japanese facial treatment (wagense) = treating people with a gentle smile. A warm expression that relieves someone's anxiety.

Gongjinse (rhetoric) = use kind words or positive words. Express encouragement, empathy, and appreciation.

These are the “best gifts” that don't require money or goods, but they enrich people's hearts.
Also, the feelings of “thinking about the other person,” “sorry,” and “sadness,” which you showed in your consultation statement, are already “a heart that cares for others,” and I think it's proof that the buds of charity have grown within you.

When you get a present from someone,
“Am I stealing?”
“There's nothing I can give back”
I painfully understand the feeling that makes you think so. However, giving is not something that is done in search of “something in return.” The joy of the giver lies in the “happy face of the other person.”

Therefore, first of all, smiles and words such as “thank you” and “I'm happy” are the biggest “return.” In other words, you already have many species that can be “givers.”

In Buddhism, people are not determined by their past, and it is sometimes thought that “how they are going to live now” is everything.

That feeling of wanting to “give” rather than “take away” is your truth.

You are already a wonderful person full of mercy. Please believe in yourself.

Thank you, Yume, for your consultation.

First, imagine yourself mentally distancing yourself from your mother's words and actions.
Also, try to think that your mom and your friend are different. This is because the image of a mother affects interpersonal relationships.

The voice in your brain blaming yourself is almost almost always your mother's voice, and doesn't it look like your mother? When I'm worried about what I can give back, when I'm blaming myself for not being able to do it, the image of a mother created from an early age is probably blaming you.

That's why they move away from the image of their mother and become independent.
how?
Comfort yourself from an early age, heal yourself, and your very existence,
“I've worked hard to live.” “That's fine for me.”
“I've survived.” “I don't have to bind my heart to anything anymore.”
“I am myself. It's about admitting, “It's okay to be different from my mother.”
It's about muttering to your heart over and over again, forgiving yourself, and being compassionate and kind to yourself, and feeling the warmth of your heart.
Thus, gradually, you will be able to be more kind and compassionate than ever before to your friends.
Of course, you will be able to honestly receive compassion from people you trust, such as friends.
However, when it's difficult being alone, rely on someone you trust (best friend, therapist, etc.)
Let yourself be healed, have them show kindness and compassion, and feel the warmth of your heart.
I won't give up hope. You can definitely do it. You will soon begin to overflow with joy.
I think so. Please refer to it. One bow

PS: Thank you so much for your message. There were also 4 monks who answered, and it was hard to get rid of the messages. It's better to have lots of support, so any answer is fine, so please put into practice what you think you can do. Also, don't hesitate to contact us via line or email. I would like to thank you for this partnership. Regret

That's not true. Your parents told you that, didn't you? It's a way of saying take away... sad, isn't it? That's my mother's biased point of view, and it's necessary to rely on others. That's how we help each other, support each other, and live our lives. So the term “take away” isn't appropriate.

Your presence is making a lot of people smile. Everyone has been given happiness by you since the day you were born. Even your mom should have given it to you. I wonder if I've forgotten it.

You don't have to be swayed by your mother's words. The present is a gift for you, so you should be happy to receive it. That is gratitude to the other person.
In order to become independent as an adult, it means having a lot of people to rely on. It's not a “give/take away,” it's a connection for living. Instead of causing trouble or thinking that you have to return the favor, let's rejoice that there are people around you who support you and people who are kind to you.
A shape you can see with your eyes isn't just about “giving.” Being able to keep an eye on your surroundings and thinking about someone is also a form of kindness that you give.

It's disrespectful to you to be a stealing person, isn't it?
Let's take the words of the monks that are directed at you in Hasunoha with more importance than your mother's words.

I read it.
Your mother told you, “My little sister is a giver, but you're a stealing person,” and you've been very shocked. You're having a very hard time thinking that way about yourself. I don't know the details about you or your family members, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I'm not sure how your mother felt when she said that, and I don't know how the relationship between you, your mother, and your sister has been until now.
Nevertheless, I also think that you have never been the only “stealing person” who has lived until now. I think you've given a lot of blessings to many people, even where you haven't noticed, and I think you've also received a lot of blessings from so many people. I think that's both of us. There is a slight difference between more and less, but everyone lives in a relationship where they are given, and it will continue for a long time to come.

In Aida Mitsuo's poems and words
“If we break it up”
it's not enough if you say it's not good enough, it's enough if you don't make sense
If it fits well, it's peaceful if it's okay
If we get along well, we are happy if we split up
If it's okay to be dissatisfied, thank you
If we talk well, war is fair, peace
If we talk to each other, hell if we get along, paradise
There is such a saying.
Read it and it's true that if we share it with each other, we can live a happy life together
It's the idea of “self-interest and others.”
I think it would be nice if you could share what you can with others with compassion.
I sincerely pray that you will share your future with many people and that you will be able to live a rich, peaceful, and happy life from the bottom of your heart. And I will support you from the bottom of my heart. We wholeheartedly agree