I can't forget my past fears

I also have real nightmares once in a while.
There are also nightmares based on my own experiences, news, etc. When you wake up, it takes a few seconds until you realize “was it a dream, or I'm glad it was a dream.”
Despite being distracted, one day the Earth will also perish.
There is also a possibility that you will suddenly be hit by a major disaster, illness, or traffic accident.
That might be tomorrow.
It's scary when you imagine it realistically.
However, we are able to get along well with that fear and coexist.
In Buddhism, the smallest unit of time in the mind is called “mind.”
Honen Shonin, the founder of the Jodo sect, was said to have 840 million thoughts in a day (24 hours).
Every day, so many mental scenes come to mind and disappear.
Among them, there should be no need to turn every 840 million thoughts (time of mind) into a scene of fear.
In other words, if we spend most of our time forgetting our fears, our day will not be a bad day.
Even if the Earth were to die tomorrow, I'd like to live laughing today.
Also, I think there is a difference between fear and caution.
Even if you're not realistically frightened by the fear of fire, you can keep an eye out for fire while laughing.
Put out the fire in the pot while humming; this is also a matter of beware of fire.
So, it would be nice if you could coexist well with fear and risk, relax while humming, and increase your happy “feelings” today that haven't perished yet.

You've been through a tough time, haven't you? The damage caused by DV can make you suffer from its existence even after you have left. If there are people of similar stature or voice, they will be frightened, and they will always stare at their surroundings as if they are watching from somewhere.

The fear at that time hurts you deeply and seems to drive you away, so you don't feel safe. I think it would be very scary.

Violence will never be tolerated, no matter what the reason. You're the victim, and you don't have to run away from anything.

But it's probably traumatic. You can't get the fear experience out of your head, do you? Your partner may also be guided by time to reflect, and the people around you meet lead you to the right path. We all live in a world where we can have happiness.
You are also protected by the family right in front of you. Let's rely on it.

Also, I work as an administrative counselor and DV support on a daily basis.
・Police consultation dedicated dial #9110
・Law Terrace Crime Victim Support Hotline
・Women's Counseling Support Center #8778
Please know who to talk to in case something happens. That's because it protects yourself.
Children will also learn how to protect themselves from people they don't know in society. Since it's you, there are things I can tell you.

Don't worry, each local government also has a consultation desk.
Society is on your side, isn't it?

I read it.
You've received serious DV from people you've been in a relationship with in the past, were threatened, and felt very horrible. Even if you are married, blessed with children, and are living a happy life, you are very worried that your anxiety and fear will revive and you will someday be harmed. I don't know the details about you or that person, but I understand your uneasy feelings.
After all, don't be alone and share with your husband and the people around you that you have that kind of anxiety and fear. Also, be sure to think about any eventuality and consult your local police station thoroughly.
And if anything happens, call 110 right away and ask them to respond.
Also, let's talk clearly about your thoughts with your doctors and counselors and ask them to accept them.
Or even here, please express your thoughts to the extent possible.
You're never alone. There are many people supporting you, and the Buddha, gods, and your ancestors always gently watch over you and everyone.
Please spit it out of your heart while sharing it with lots of people. Also, please relax your mind little by little, stay light, and turn your attention to your child.
I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can live every day with peace of mind while respecting and caring for each other with your loved ones, that your children grow healthily by cooperating with your husband and everyone, and that you will continue to share happiness with all of you and survive. We wholeheartedly agree
And I wholeheartedly support you, your husband, and your children.

The anxiety you are feeling right now is not an “illusion that doesn't exist.”
It is proof that “memories of your life,” which were certainly damaged and threatened in the past, are still alive today.

In Buddhism, it is said that we were born into this world through relationships and live together with karma (work).
That “career” includes some things I chose myself, and it also includes the suffering of not being able to choose.
However, whether or not we are swayed by it is something we can change depending on “where we place our hearts now.”

You are not swallowed up by past events,
・Having consulted with the police or experts
・Get married, have a life,
・Seeing your child smile every day

All of this is “proof that you continue to overcome the past.”

It's not because you're weak that it comes up in your dreams.
That's because you're taking your life so seriously and trying to protect what's important.

The reason I think “I don't want this happiness destroyed” is because this happiness is real.
That's why the back of my heart is rustling.

In Buddhism, there is an ascetic practice called “shinzukan (shinzukan).”
It is the practice of quietly staring at “where your heart is looking right now” with fear, anger, and joy.
If fear springs up, please stare softly at them as if it were “someone else's affair,” saying, “Oh, I'm feeling afraid.”
There's no denying it; it's just an attitude of “watching and being by your side.”

“Watching” does not mean “erasing.”
It means “I acknowledge that it is as it is.”

I'm sure you are someone who will continue to receive someone's love and live your life protecting others.
As long as you have that gaze, little by little, your fears will melt into the light.
Please don't blame yourself and praise yourself for surviving today.

There is definitely “love” here and now.
We clap hands.