Please tell me the attitude of a temple bride

I got married in a temple. From the beginning, I lived a normal life without having anything to do with that temple or religion. The person I met through marriage hunting was a monk born in a temple, and each person seemed to be a good person, so I got married, but when I entered the house, I was surprised that my husband and family were more immersed in religion than I had anticipated. My father-in-law is the chief priest, my mother-in-law is the real daughter of that temple, and I know that it's my parents-in-law's house with poor ventilation from the outside, but that's all. Before I got married, they said they wanted to cherish my opinions even though I wasn't born in a temple, but as soon as I got enrolled, they even said that I had to pray without saying anything, that I had to recite the title, and that I would be unhappy if I didn't do that, and I was just amazed at how dirty it was. At the end of the day, my father-in-law told me that I should not give my husband opinions when I hadn't prayed. I know I have to do things about the temple before I get married to the temple, but I can't keep up with the sudden changes and pretending to look at the temple from above. Indeed, before marriage, it was said that you were free to pray and that you were free to have a job, but even if you have COVID-19, let alone praying, they are told not to go to work elsewhere. Since there is social media, it's still better to be told to pray at a temple, but since the purpose is to pray, they bring up sublime stories of religion and try to do something about it by explaining people's happiness and misfortune with it. It seems that it's not a cult religion, but I don't think it's unavoidable to be called a cult if they incite people's sense of guilt and try to incorporate it into their own religion. I know I have no choice but to give up, kill myself, believe in the Buddha, and play a good mother and good wife for my children, but after all, I can't give up on who I have been until now, and it's scary when I think that things like secondary-generation religion issues are suitable for my children. It's horrible that they just believe in acting because it seems like they're going to be hit by a bee. Even if you look at the unattended children in the brother-in-law family and the very lifeless brother-in-law couple, it's hard to find value for yourself in this.
I've written a lot, but I know very well that there is no escape. It's a religion that feels like a cult, but I don't want to directly deny religion itself. I want to make up my mind as a temple wife. What good should I do?
I'm sorry that the content is not in the form of a question, but I would be happy to receive your various opinions.

4 Zen Responses

Why don't you ask your husband and Buddha

It often happens in everyone's life that it wasn't supposed to be like this. Rather, wouldn't everyone experience such suffering over and over again for as long as they live, no matter what form it takes?
Buddha's teachings explain how people should live in the face of such suffering. The husband is a monk who conveys that teaching, and since the house is a temple that protects the main teaching, I think it is the most appropriate environment and person to consult with to ask how to live through this suffering now.
It often seems that there is no connection between everyday actions and manners and the roots of teaching just by looking at them for a moment. Even in Zen Buddhism, I don't understand what it means to just sit and meditate, and I don't know if there is any point in imitating just a figure. The Buddha and monks of the Zen sect pursued the Buddha's teachings and the result of trial and error is what zazen looks like today. If you know that principle and path, your own zazen meditation will come to life.
Why don't you tell your husband about your current painful feelings and ask him to tell me why praying is necessary, why the subject, and the path the Buddha followed, rather than being reckless.
Whether or not that makes sense may be another story, but I think it's very difficult to spend decades just pretending that you don't understand or believe anything. To prevent that from happening, why don't you often ask about the Buddha's teachings so that you don't have to keep telling lies to everyone in the house or the parishioners?

That you and your children are respected

I read it.
I see... before they did it quite a bit, they said they were free, but as soon as they got married, they turned their palms around and drastically changed, and they were forced to live an inconvenient lifestyle and submit. I don't know the details of the temple or the people in the family, but I really understand that it's getting really hard for you.
It's just my personal opinion, but I still don't think it would be good in such a state. I think your heart will be deeply hurt and broken.
After all, it is necessary to clearly talk to your husband about your feelings, feelings, and way of life, and discuss your future way of life as a couple.
If you are being vaguely deceived or coerced, isn't it okay to leave the temple once?
I think the people in the temple and your family are important too, but you and your children are really important. If you don't speak clearly and your children's human rights are not respected, everyone will eventually become unhappy.
Your kids are watching closely what you are being forced to do.
First, let's discuss how you and your children can live with peace of mind while their human rights are respected.
I sincerely pray to the Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you and your children are respected and that your children can be nurtured and grow healthily by everyone, and that you can cherish and care for each other and live a happy life. We wholeheartedly agree
And I wholeheartedly support you and your children.

Trading is also Buddhist

There may be a point where you can compromise at some stage between the 100% extremes of divorce, with a temple bride = servant woman who is completely obedient.
They don't seem to be living together yet, so while learning the teachings and practices of Chirachira and their temples and denominations, they still work outside. As my parents-in-law's bodies gradually stopped moving, both of my husbands changed. ← Opposing parents-in-law.
I talk about the same thing with my husband. I don't have much interest, at least right now, so I want to keep it to the bare minimum.
Individuals have freedom of religion. ⇔ I want a religious corporation to be firmly united by that purpose.
The situation is different from the employment rules I had heard in advance and the actual situation after employment, so I think we should keep it that dry.
Since the Meiji period, temples have also been in a distorted situation since they became marriage orchestras, so I think it would be a good idea to build a new method suitable for that. If you let the “divorce” flicker, I think the other party will also decide to prepare for it. On top of that, we'll make compromises if we can, so why not.
Once a compromise is found, don't let it be neglected as an “employment rule.” Thoughts and beliefs and “working conditions” are also different things.
Since it's a religious job, it can also be said that it would be better not to be reckless and to be free to gradually deepen your thoughts at your own will.
It's a life choice, so do it well.

Is it possible to fight well against your husband or parents-in-law in order to protect yourself?

The sense of incongruity you feel is a complete change in your parents-in-law's initial attitude and behavior, isn't it?
If they were talking about the family business from the beginning, I think you were able to think carefully about praying, about your faith, going to work, etc., and make up your mind and determination as to whether or not you can do it. They probably decided to get married on top of that. I don't trust my parents-in-law because of this deceptive attitude, right? Also, anger and hatred are born out of arrogance towards you.

Faith is not something someone forces you to value. So, threatening to be unhappy is violence, isn't it? If I think of you as a family, I want you to respect me carefully, and if you have the Buddha's faith, it will become a safe home, family, and temple.

I'm married too, but that's not the case at all. It wasn't because it was a temple; it was a normal family, and there was no coercion whatsoever from anyone. I cherished nature and faith, cherished this temple, and inherited it as it was. That's why it's a safe way to live.
Rather than religion, it probably comes from the nature of parents-in-law.

There were also temple bride companions who got divorced, but that wasn't about religion or family business, and they were not on good terms with the couple and parents. After all, is it possible to live within differences in values?

A temple bride's determination is whether she can fight well against her husband and parents-in-law in order to protect herself. Otherwise, you'll end up living a life where you're forced to live a captive lifestyle.
Be prepared to stick to your way of life.
“Temple Bride” is like this! There's no such rule at all, is there? How you decide how you want to live is also up to you.

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