Do you want to protect your husband?

While seriously thinking about my divorce from my husband who is a moral harassment DV, I talked to my husband's parents. Then, the reaction seemed like they were covering up...

It comes through that it is thought that the reaction of the husband's parents was probably weak, or rather that it was not the reaction they had anticipated. I didn't think it was a bit bad either.

However... if you wonder what it would be like if you were, whether you were slightly aware or unaware of it, if you were to confide in it, you will first be shocked by the very fact that you have confided in it. Before what was revealed, “does this really happen!” That kind of shock came, and I think that was the first big one.

Excuse me, the feeling that I want to protect my husband's parents doesn't have a 2 millimeter comma. I'm sorry if I read it that way. I just wanted to say “I'm shocked.”

So, if you take it as a fact from your family, what kind of reaction you will have in response to that shock is that you will have a completely different reaction from when you calmly receive talk about it as someone else's affair. I probably want to protect my son. There's no doubt about that. I don't think there are almost any people who can accept 100% of their son's wife's feelings from the beginning.

But even so, I feel that I can read from the reactions and words of my husband's parents, along with reactions like covering up my son as a relative, as well as reactions where they think Anshin-san is also a “relative.” I mean, if you think it's a complete stranger, “look forward (can you just keep doing it?)” That's because I don't think you can force yourself to do something like that. (No, is it sweet?) For better or worse, they have been domesticated.

However, if you seriously tell them that you are thinking about getting divorced, you may be able to clearly understand that even though they are relatives, they were others.

There are people who understand developmental disabilities by explaining them, but there are also people who don't understand them after all. As a way to reduce stress for Anshin, it may be better to get involved on the assumption that the husband's father may understand, but he generally doesn't understand.

I think it's a good idea to properly tell your husband's parents what Anshin thinks about the future, even if it's difficult. Wouldn't it be better to proceed with procedures and consultations with public institutions in parallel, not after persuading the two of them?

I read it.
You tearfully told your parents-in-law about what was difficult until now. I see... maybe so... maybe they want to protect their own children... or maybe they want to protect ourselves who were raised that way...
I don't know the details, but I really understand that you have had a very hard time and that such responses have made you feel distressed.
I don't know the details up until now or about my husband's parents, but my parents' education may have had a significant impact on my husband's personality and behavior...
You might not have much hope for such a response. In the first place, maybe your parents don't understand such a husband's problem at all. If that were the case, they wouldn't pay attention, and I imagine they would just leave it as it is. So it's probably not very reliable to improve.
When I calm down and think about it, if my husband doesn't do such harassment in the future, it may be difficult even for my children to live together in the future. If there is no room for improvement for my husband, I think it would be preferable to break ties firmly and receive support from various people.
Naturally, let's have a lawyer handle child support payments etc. after divorce and have them make firm promises and fulfill them.
https://soudanplus.jp/
https://www.houterasu.or.jp/site/higaishashien/hanzaihigai-seido-2.html
https://www.houterasu.or.jp/site/faq/dv.html
First, let's talk to various public institutions so that you and your child can live every day with peace of mind. And be proactive in receiving advice and support.

I sincerely pray that you and your child can live every day with peace of mind without being subject to such abuse or violence, that your child will grow healthily with advice and support from many people, and that you can live every day peacefully and happily with your child. And let me wholeheartedly support you and your child.

Listening to your story, my heart hurts a lot. Even though I gathered my courage and tearfully spoke with evidence, my parents-in-law's reaction flowed in the direction of “you should look forward” rather than “scolding your husband.” As a result, it is a very natural feeling to leave a fuss about “why don't you pay attention to your husband?”

1. About parents-in-law's reaction
While the parents said, “I'm shocked,” in the end, they repeated “don't be in front of children” and “you look forward.” I think the “parents' feelings” of not being able to directly blame their son also have an effect on this. It is difficult to deny children who are related by blood, and they tend to have a “reaction that seems to protect” no matter what. Because of that, it feels like your feelings aren't being fully received.

2. The phrase “I have a developmental disability because my husband and wife are not on good terms”
This is clearly a misunderstanding, and it's not medically correct. Your father-in-law's words come from ignorance and prejudice, and they hurt you. You never have to take it seriously. Rather, I want you to cherish the words of your mother-in-law, who acknowledged that you “do a good job in childcare.”

3. The true identity of Moya Moya
The pain that remained in your heart was born from the gap between expectations and reality about “why don't you scold my husband”. In Buddhism, it is explained that “suffering” comes from “something that doesn't go the way you want it to.” It was precisely because I expected my parents-in-law to harshly scold my husband that the actual reaction seemed extra empty.

4. Future attitude
Let's take the parents-in-law's reaction as “for reference only.” What is important is that you clearly stated that “violence and abusive language will never be tolerated.” That strength and honesty have never been in vain. My mother-in-law's words “I support you” are also an expression of her desire to be on your side, if not completely.

5. Suggestions for you
Rather than expecting my parents-in-law to “properly scold my husband,” I think about public and specialized support, such as support organizations (DV consultation desks and women's centers).

In my relationship with my parents-in-law, I only receive “the part that understood my story,” and try to listen to everything else.

The fuss is slightly mitigated by understanding that “parents protect their children.”

You endured so well and were well spoken. You don't have to ask your parents-in-law for all the answers. It is your strength and honesty that will support the road ahead.

Gassho