I want to do something about what makes me want to die every day

I read your profile. You've been denied your existence for a long time, and you've lived your life listening to your parents' complexion. That was the only way I could spend time at home, wasn't it?

Children can't live even if they run away from home against their parents. Haven't you lived this far while enduring such abandonment and patience?

That was painful. Even now, I still don't know how to properly acknowledge my existence and take care of it...

I wonder if every day just feels sad, painful, and scary.
I wonder if it's better to die, and they'll attack you round and round in your head.

How anxious and lonely is that?
You've worked very hard up to this point.
But that's how it led to Hasunoha. From now on, we're friends.

I'd like to talk to you. Even in jobs that seem difficult to me, your talent is amazing. I want you to tell me what kind of world it is.

I don't want you to make me cry alone. If you feel like dying, that's fine too. Let's share it together. Let's connect.
I really want to acknowledge you. I want to give them a compliment. I want you to smile. I want them to be happy.

I've been suffering until now. I hope I don't have to cry anymore. I want to be on your side. I'm thinking of you behind this message. They're holding hands, aren't they?

Thank you Mozuku-sama for your consultation.

If your parents blame you or have an unreasonable experience, you won't be able to trust yourself.
It's not your fault, and it's not your fault.
You are a person who has survived and lived even in such situations.
Just being there is amazing.

Voices that blame oneself and words that lower one's self-worth, which sound like nembutsu, are simply learned in an environment constantly under threat, made into a habit, and come up as a convenience for making the most of oneself. I really want to live. You're a good person to be alive.

But I think it's hard not being able to get “I want to live,” “I can live,” “I can stay,” and “the feeling that I'm alive.”

First, it is necessary to feel a lot of safety and security, both physically and mentally. Receiving and immersing yourself fully in kindness and compassion helps. Furthermore, it is healing, and kindness and love for myself grow within me, and I begin to feel that I am here and now, and that alone is wonderful.

Are there close places or close people nearby where you feel safe and secure? If you are there, it would be a good idea to rely on that person and have them treat you kindly. If not, rely on a therapist or monk who will listen carefully without denying you, and have them develop compassion so that you feel safe and secure and your heart is filled with kindness.
As your compassion grows, you will be able to show compassion for yourself.
It's never too late to develop compassion. You can do it anytime, and so can you. You'll be fine too. I'm sure it will come in handy.
Please refer to it.
One bow

I read it.
You want to die every day, don't you? You're having a very hard time wanting to die, aren't you? I don't know the details about you, but I can tell you that you are having a very hard time. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
In your ears, you repeatedly hear “it's better to die,” “you can't do anything,” “no one is interested in you,” and “everyone you meet doesn't like it.”
I think there is a reason why you've been tweeting to yourself up until now. I think that what has been said until now remains in your mind without disappearing.
Please share your thoughts here as well. Let's get it out of your mind. And let's make the inside of your heart feel refreshed and lighter little by little.
You are living well now. You can live every day in peace with your loved ones.
Please instill living in your heart little by little.
I sincerely pray that you will be able to share your thoughts with us and people you can trust, let out your feelings and feel at ease little by little, so that you can live every day with a rich and healthy heart with your loved ones. And we sincerely support you and your loved ones. We wholeheartedly agree

As a result of analyzing the psychology of people who committed suicide on the verge of suicide, there are experts who say that 90% of those who committed suicide suffered from “depression.”
Therefore, if the feeling of wanting to die continues for days, there is a possibility of poor mental health, that is, poor brain and nervous condition.
Each person has weak points, and fatigue or poor physical condition may cause stiff shoulders or lower back pain, or people with internal organs.
In your case, you may just happen to be feeling unwell in your brain or nerves.
Mental health problems are hard to understand on the outside, so you may think that they can be solved with guts such as “having a heart,” but if they continue for days, medical help is probably necessary.
Even if you don't improve when you go to the hospital, you may be able to prevent deterioration or notice changes in your condition.
Now, if it's not a brain or nerve disorder, I think most of the worries, suffering, and stress of everyday life can be reduced by studying Buddhism.
Little by little is fine, so I think it's worth doing some research on Buddhism.
I'm not sure if this helps, but I'd appreciate your questions again.
In Buddhism, we believe that pride is the cause of worry, suffering, and stress.
In other words, if you don't worry about your own worth from the beginning, your worries and suffering will decrease.
“I can't do anything, but is that okay?” “If no one is interested in me, OK?”
Maybe it would be good if I could think lightly (if I had more time not to worry about pride).
Also, in Buddhism, the law (thought with one's head) is explained as selflessness (there is no substance like an illusion).
Thinking “it's better to die” is just a thought (law).
So, if you think “it's better to die,” try to add “I thought” after that.
In other words, I just thought that out of play in my head, and it concludes with “I thought,” with the feeling that it's not a fact or an important issue.