It's painful to regret being disliked due to a gaffe.

I have someone I like.
It's just a matter of talking at work and going out to eat once in a while.
I don't know what his boyfriend, who is over 20 years younger, intended to invite me out for a meal, but it was fun when we were together, and I secretly had romantic feelings.

We ate together as usual, and during our conversation, we said things that lighthearted and criticized his humanity.
From the day after that, his attitude completely changed, and he even felt like he was ignoring me.
They don't make eye contact, and they don't even talk to me.

For the past 5 years, as a colleague at work, I went to work looking forward to having fun talking with him every day, so it was hard and unbearable.
I can't forget the kind smiles and kind words they always showed me.

I know my age and position as a married person in my 50s, so it's not like I wanted to do it quite a bit. If possible, I wanted to get along well as friends. Of course, it felt good to be treated kindly.

However, it was just one gaffe, and I was so shocked and sad that the relationship that had been built up for 5 years until now fell apart, even though it was fragile, and I deeply regret that day.

After all, it was that much of a relationship, and I told myself that I was fine with this in order to stop my stupid delusions, but my heart hurts, I have no appetite, and I don't feel like doing anything.

I'm at a good age, and I'm being swayed by the pain of unrequited love and heartbreak.
I'm so embarrassed that I can't talk to anyone about this stupid story, so I'm going to discuss it here.

Please scold me for being foolish to your heart's content.

3 Zen Responses

Be close to many people and get involved as human beings

If you're looking to restore your relationship with him this time
Apologize for the criticism and tell them you want to have fun talking.

just
I also looked at the previous question,
I have a feeling that a different problem lies at the bottom.

“Every day is empty”
“Every day is lonely and empty because I feel alone and not loved by anyone.”
“Please scold me for being foolish.”
You feel empty right now
I want to be loved by someone
I want to be needed
They say they want to get involved as humans
I think there is a fundamental desire

In what form is that emptiness
I think they want to fill in the blanks.

A close relationship with my colleague's boyfriend
Take it as a relationship that is more than real
I think they supported you

Originally, it wasn't possible to fill in the blanks
I'm so happy and disappointed at his words and actions,
I think it's going to be swayed around.

The first thing to think about

Why do we feel empty
I think we need to look at this.

I think you've noticed it too

“My husband and I have no love at all because of everything. We are separated from home.”

I think the root cause is here.

With someone you have no love for
We live together and are married

I think this may be the cause of the emptiness.
I think there are various reasons that led to that point
Are you
I don't respect others, and I don't respect myself

This
It's not like it's no good to break up or anything like that

Being with someone you don't love
I feel they don't respect humans.

Are we going to change the couple's current relationship
Are we leaving as a couple
Do you clearly recognize yourself for not facing problems
Will you put up with it

This is what you think

If you leave it like this
I feel like it's eating away at your spirit.

However, how do you do this with a marital relationship
If that means it's a bit difficult

Be close to many people and get involved as human beings
Rely on and depend on many people
If you become more dependent on a specific person, you will be controlled or swayed.
If you increase your dependencies and increase your fun,
Wouldn't it be possible to have more freedom?

If you like it, why don't you say like it?

Sara

If you like him, why don't you say you like him?
Also, if you think Sara criticized him, I think you should honestly apologize.

Isn't it wonderful to fall in love with someone?
If you like it, you say you like it. Sara hasn't been heartbroken yet.

I think after I apologize to him and tell him I like him.
No matter what his reaction is, if you don't convey his feelings, you probably won't be able to see the future as it is now.

If you can't apologize, and if you can't say you like it, then I think that's all.
As Nakane sensei wrote, I think it was love to fill emptiness.

Why don't you take a fresh look at yourself?

Who can decide if a person is stupid?

　Men look for inclusiveness from older women. I think I was surprised that it pointed out my personality. Recently, I have something to think about, and of course it's important to fall in love with people, it's important to fix one's bad personality, but I've also begun to think that acknowledging the other person's bad personality is also important. I'm not saying everything, but... People who are short minded are quick to make decisions. The slumber is calm. A fierce temper is passionate. A cold heart is calm. etc etc. If this goes too far, it could become a crime such as DV, etc., but if it feels just right, I don't think there's a problem.
Eagles have the disadvantage of being anxious, but to put it bluntly, they may be the type to look at situations and think carefully.
It's friends who acknowledge their partner's bad points, and they're also lovers and married couples, and when they're about to lose their way, it's not family that stops them, they're friends, lovers, and couples, isn't it?
I think Sara didn't really understand her opponent and blaming her was a failure, but on the other hand, isn't she a bit young at heart even though she only saw good things about you? If they were to go out with each other, they would go out with great care, so it's even questionable whether they had a real romantic relationship.
Fights and arguments are something you can do the better you get along with each other. If they can't do that, will they establish friends, lovers, and couples? I won't deny it.
Assuming that I apologize to him for that time as adult manners, I recommend keeping a distance and dating him in the future. My relationship with him is over. Speaking of the next encounter, it would be an exaggeration, but from now on, let's treat people within the company on an equal footing and find like-minded friends.

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