It's been 2 years since I changed jobs

I also read the questions up until now. It's hard to work in an environment where the atmosphere has been created, isn't it?
Other people are chatting while I'm at work, so I think I should leave it alone... I wonder if my desk is so close that I have to reply.

The only way to get attention to mistakes is to learn the job well, but if you are told something you don't like, you'll atrophy, right?
However, considering that it is a workplace where there is small talk, it can also be said that it is an environment where it is easy to talk about what you think in response to mistakes. There will also be things that will be said from now on. So let's focus on reducing mistakes while listening without worrying too much about it.

Even when it comes to small talk, I think it's fine to give vague answers. That's because I'm at work. When I'm doing consultation work, I sometimes have small talk with people I work with, but I don't make eye contact in particular, and I reply to the extent that they agree. That's because I want to focus on my work. People who want to chat start talking with other people rather than people with empty replies (me), and since they create an atmosphere where I don't talk to them, they also stop chatting.
You should work with such a proud attitude. Be careful when greeting someone in the eye. Let's make a solid switch between work and conversation. I want you to think this person is like this. The atmosphere at work should also be adapted to you. If that's not the case, it will always be difficult and stressful.

Thank you for your hard work every day.
Let's take care of ourselves.

Your writing conveys a quiet effort and sincerity in trying to blend in with your surroundings.
However, my heart is wearing out little by little because of that kindness.
I painfully understand the feeling of continuing to blame myself in a vicious cycle where the more I think “I have to do it properly,” the more failures increase, and people become afraid of “what they think.”

1. A “bad corporate culture” is no reason to lower your value
In small workplaces, relationships and small talk tend to intensify.
But the fact that it's painful doesn't mean you're cold, it's because you're sensitive.
In Buddhism, “harmony (wago)”
We value harmony, but that is different from “pushing ourselves to death.”
The reason you're exhausted is not because you can't “get into the circle,” but because you're trying to protect your own axis.

2. “Why is that happening?” It stings because my heart is sincere
People are deeply hurt by small words when they are seriously working on it.
This is proof that you have a sincere desire to “do your job properly.”
In Buddhism, they say “words are blades (yaiba).”
The fact that your partner's words resonate painfully is proof that you are living a serious life.

3. Small practices to break out of the “vicious cycle of atrophy”
・Aim for honesty rather than perfection.
Do it carefully rather than do it well. If you can say “I was sincere” even if I failed, that's enough.
・Make room for breathing
The moment you feel impatient, take a deep breath for only 3 seconds. That alone will reset your mind.
・Make up for “I don't know” with the outside.
If it's hard to ask questions at work, you can learn from outside courses and books.

4. When you feel like “I can't be myself”
The more you force yourself to “get used to it,” the more your mind wears out.
In Buddhism, there is a saying “become Lord everywhere (become Lord everywhere).”
It means to be your own master (master) without being swayed by others in any environment.
Your true place is when you can laugh while protecting yourself.

5. Lastly
You're doing well enough.
There's no need to keep overdoing it in a “workplace where you can't be yourself.”
Just taking a short distance and taking a deep breath will restore your mind.
Please spend time “taking care of yourself” rather than “doing your best.”
Your kindness and honesty will surely shine elsewhere.

Gassho

Thank you for your consultation.

What does “be yourself” mean
It's not something someone will make for you,
I think it's something I'm going to grow little by little with my own hands.

if
If you feel “I'm in pain because I can't do my job,”
You should build it up so you can do it.

And if
If you think “it's not going to work no matter what,”
Don't forcibly deny it,
It's okay to accept that “this is the time now.”

Whichever one you choose,
What is important

It's about being able to acknowledge that “this is who I am now.”

If you blame yourself for not being able to do well,
The suffering is getting bigger and bigger.

“Even if you can't do it, you can be who you are now”
“We should now think about what we want to do on top of that.”

When I thought so,
Little by little, you will be able to move forward on your own feet.

First of all, rather than whether or not to change the environment
Give yourself a “place” to who you are now.

On top of that,
“What do I want to do now?”
Gently ask yourself this question.

If you've found the answer,
You just have to choose it and move on.

At your stride, at your timing.
I think that's enough.

Also, if you have any thoughts, please write them here.

I read it.
You feel uneasy about not being able to stay calm at work. I don't know the details about you or the people at work, but it really conveys that you feel that uneasy. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

It's probably hard to get used to the people around you, either in terms of work or in small talk... It would be even harder to listen to things you don't understand, and it would be extra uncomfortable. I feel like I can understand very well how you feel that way.

There are probably workplaces like that... I think it would be nice if you calm down and steadily do what you can do one by one.
No one is perfect, and there are things you can't do or don't understand. So I don't think it's necessary to atrophy too much.

You're probably taking your precious time and getting on with your work, so please stay calm and work steadily with confidence.
And you won't be there for the rest of your life, so let's do the job moderately and properly. Also, it's possible that any job could change.

I sincerely pray that you will work peacefully and steadily and have a fulfilling day, and that you will live your life peacefully and richly. And I wholeheartedly support you. We wholeheartedly agree