I worry about what I'm told & I hate myself

Thank you Arata for your consultation.

You laughed a lot and made it through.
That's fine.
You don't need to forgive someone you've made a fool of, and you don't need to direct your anger.
If you notice a fluctuation in your own emotions,
Even a moment is fine, so take a “break” (take a deep breath, look at yourself from a different point of view, etc.) and try to bring awareness to your strengths and places you like.
Stand from the viewpoint of your strengths and what you like, maintain a firm axis,
Please smile.

You'll notice that the person you made a fool of isn't a big deal.
You don't need to worry about such words,
There's nothing to compare.
Your self-loathing will seem futile.
you are you.
Let's focus on moving forward with our own lives.
From now on, you'll meet lots of important people and people who care for you.
Please respect and create connections with people who support your heart like that.
Please refer to it.
One bow

I read it.
I see... if you say something that makes you feel stupid like that, it probably gets bogged down in your head, and you don't want to go out with them. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

First of all, life is long, including you and that person, and the future is about to change drastically. The current situation is not eternal, and please be aware that it will change in various ways from now on.
Saying this or that just about the current situation is proof that you are only thinking about the immediate future.
So don't worry about it at all and walk your own way of life.
I sincerely pray that you will be able to walk through the life you have decided for yourself, and that you will be able to grow healthily as a person and live a fulfilling life from now on.

The words you received were unreasonable and trampled upon your dignity.
Then, my heart was shaken by those words, and an emotion that looked down on the other person came to mind for a moment,
It's a “natural reaction as a human being.”
There's nothing wrong with you.
Rather, you were an adult who spoke up and didn't say it back, laughed and settled in.
________________
1. The other person's words just come from the other person's “size of the vessel”
Insult is when the other party is unable to handle their own anxiety or feelings of inferiority,
It's just the act of “spitting it out.”
In Buddhism
“Other people's words are a mirror showing their state of mind”
It's called.
It has nothing to do with your worth.
________________
2. The reason I came up with the feeling of looking down on my partner was to protect my heart
The moment you are insulted, the thought of fighting back comes to mind is a defensive instinct,
It's proof that you've been hurt.
What is important
I wasn't swallowed up by that emotion, and I didn't take action.
That alone is enough, and I'm great as a person.
________________
3. Forgiving is not “affirming the other person”
What is forgiveness
“Getting the other person off the center of the heart”
That's all.
Your choice to take distance is a very healthy decision.
Relationships aren't something you force yourself to continue.
________________
4. Where to put your heart when you're ridiculed in the future
If you have the following 3 things, your mind will be less likely to get disturbed.
1. “Words = only come from that person's level”
Low words only come from a low heart.
2. Separate “facts” from “the other person's feelings”
The insult is not a fact; it's just a “throw of emotion.”
3. Don't let the path you've chosen be tainted by someone else's shallow language
Your choices are born out of your life.
________________
[Finally]
You're not a person who should be insulted.
By the time you maintain your sense of reason on the spot, you've already surpassed your opponent.
Please take pride in the path you walk.
You're not wrong.

Gassho

　Hello. I read your question. I don't know what happened, but it's wonderful to be able to talk with friends from past universities.
However, you've made poor use of that wonderful environment, my friend. My point of view is that they probably imitated the role of Tsukkomi I saw on TV, saying, “We don't have a normal relationship anymore, so go bad”...
Meanwhile, you have undergone valuable training. “When I was attacked, I felt disgusted by my own behavior, which seemed to appear reflexively.”
I think this “observing myself” is a very valuable act for me. It's “What do you do when you're ridiculed?” I went beyond that, trained myself... because I used it as food for ascetic practice. It is overwhelmingly you who can (apparently) connect this relationship to your own growth.

Why does anger (and how to respond to it) learn? I'll tell you about it while organizing it.
① Anger is unmistakable. There is no one who goes around with logic and says, “Yoshi is going to get angry.” Your body and nerves reacted instantaneously, and this is truly your response.
② Anger is the opposite of a wish. Anger is a sign that your values have been threatened, even if they aren't usually verbalized. It's similar to pain being a sign of a threat to physical health.
③ You can think of actions that lead to wishes. Dealing with anger is elimination or aggression, but dealing with wishes is productive and constructive. There is also a precedent where “specifically, this is recommended” (learn).

Therefore, there are 2 types of responses when “being ridiculed”... By observing “how you feel when you have been ridiculed,” your response changes.
① Even if I make a fool of people, I won't be happy. I observe the other person saying that this guy is clinging to some kind of empty value... If it's appropriate, if you have the hypothesis that “if you want to cheer people up, they probably feel some dissatisfaction or unhappiness,” it may be possible that it will benefit your partner.
② That was a surprise. What part of me is this hurting? Well, my wish is ○○. ah, that was great. I think they're expecting me (the other person made a fool of me is thru).

However... there may be a possibility that it was not a statement made by thinking “I'll make a fool of the other party.” there... check it out for yourself. “Are you making a fool of me?” I mean.