I almost cry when I see a parent and child who are on good terms

I've been working at an otolaryngology clinic in the city since this summer.
My salary is close to life, but for me, who has had a labor gap of nearly 3 years since I quit my previous job, there is almost nothing to do with life or death, I can manage it even if I take a break, I'm not deeply involved with patients, and each job isn't that difficult, and there are almost no tough places in this workplace right now.
There are times when I think about changing jobs in terms of salary, but I think it would be nice if I could aim to be an old lady who is always nice at a nearby otolaryngology clinic for a while.

Recently, however, every time I watch a specific scene, the number of times I almost cry has increased.
In the waiting room or in the examination room. This is a scene where a father is kind to his children.
Suddenly, I think back to my childhood, and I feel very, very sad.
My father never says he wasn't loved, but it inevitably reminds me of the days when he was endlessly scolded at dinner and in the car we went out with. Well, I was a kid, and I imagine they were scolded because I was an unruly kid. But were you doing something so bad that you had to be preached for almost an hour on your way home from your grandmother's house? There are also lumps left.
They made me go all the way to college, I was given lessons, and I was nourished without any inconvenience with food.
Since I left college, I've had almost no contact, and I've been estranged from my family. They don't even force me to contact me, probably because they know I'm keeping my distance.
I thought that was fine, but when I see parents and children who are on good terms at work now, especially father and child, it just makes me feel sad no matter what, that I wanted to be treated this way too.

If all this makes me sad at work, I really don't feel well.
Or is it just wrong of myself to worry about it? I'd like to think that's not the case, but I don't know anymore.
What on earth should I do? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

4 Zen Responses

Those tears are not weakness; they are mental recovery

Thank you very much for your consultation.

The first thing I want to tell you
My heart aches when I see a father being kind to his children is not abnormal at all.

Rather, the heart that has worked so hard
“It's about time, can I show my true intentions?”
I think it's a sign showing its face.

The “kindness I wanted” I felt when I was a child
There are times when it comes out in a form that makes you want to cry suddenly after becoming an adult.
It's not weakness or indulgence.

What if you suddenly feel sad
“I was still crying back then, wasn't I?”
Please acknowledge it softly.

That alone will ease your mind little by little.

If you try to force it to erase it, it will be painful, so
When the waves come, all you have to do is breathe slowly and wait for them to pass by.

Nanafushi worked until it broke down,
Now that I've finally arrived at a workplace where I feel safe,
It's natural to shed tears when the mind relaxes.

Please don't blame yourself.

The connections you have with the people you are about to meet will also take the form of your happiness.

There are times when I look at it over and over with my own experiences. There they probably see what they couldn't get their hands on and wanted, thinking that they were happy with a smiling parent and child, a warm family, and probably happiness.

Thinking about the environment you grew up in makes you sad, doesn't it? The parent-child relationship and family environment can also affect your current life, even when you become an adult.

However, you too have overcome a lot. I'm sure you've also been touched by the kindness and warmth directed at you. You've walked steadily step by step.

It's something you can only understand in the part you see. You are not the only one left behind, and your connections with the people you will meet in the future, including us Hasunoha members, will also form a form of happiness for you.

I was relieved that the job at the clinic was right for you. If everyday events make you feel difficult, feel free to talk about it. Having a place to talk allows me to look forward again.

They are watching over you

I read it.
Seeing your friendly father and child makes it very painful, doesn't it? It makes me think I wanted to be raised that way too. I don't know the details about you or your father, but I feel that your painful feelings and gentleness are conveyed very much. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
Well, I think seeing such a figure will cause a sense of weakness, loneliness, and pain. There are times when it makes me want to cry.
I don't think you're the only one who thinks so. There are probably a lot of people who think so.
I think everyone is different, but if you were such a kind father, you might wonder if you were even more different.

Please share your thoughts here too. Please slowly share your painful feelings here as well. We are always waiting for you.

Also, the Buddha, gods, and ancestors will always kindly watch over you. They are always there for your heart, even when you are sad or having a hard time.
Please slowly share your thoughts with the Buddha, gods, and ancestors. They kindly accept all of your thoughts. It soothes and supports your heart.

He will save you anytime, anywhere, and in any situation.
Everyone has such sorrow and pain. Even in such circumstances, we are always protected.

I sincerely pray to Buddha, gods, and ancestors so that you can continue to be protected by Buddha, gods, and ancestors, and that you can live every day healthily while being blessed with relationships with many people, and that you can share your thoughts with many people and live a rich life from the bottom of your heart.
And I wholeheartedly support you.

Delusional distractions

For example, it's not good if a monk sees a woman who has come to pray in the middle of a funeral, remembers his old girlfriend he broke up with and becomes sad and unable to concentrate on chanting sutras.
I have no choice but to shake off my delusional distractions and switch my mind that now is the time to concentrate on reading sutras.
The past has passed away and is no more.
The future is yet to come, and it's still not there.
I think it's true that your dad had a problem.
However, it doesn't have much to do with your current life or work.
It is effective for mental health not to expand delusional thoughts about the past, the future, oneself, and others, and not to fall into an imposing circle of thoughts in the same information.
If you are aiming to be a novelist, etc., expanding your fantasies about past episodes can be said to be a job leading to creative activities.
However, if novelists insert distractions into their consciousness anytime and anywhere, it will interfere with their daily lives (mistakes in tasks that should be done now).
Delusional distractions are nothing more than delusional distractions, and if past facts and current delusional distractions are different things, please consciously switch your thoughts and feelings.
Being sad due to delusional distractions during work is an act where you are a slave to the worries of greed, anger, laziness, and pride, which is not much different from watching a comedy video on your smartphone while at work or being happy to see an erotic book during work, so be careful.

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