I want to die right now

When you think about the future, what do you imagine?
Since they imagine a bad future, I think it makes them uneasy no matter what to do.

But there is a social safety net. There are many consultants, experts, and supporters.
If you're in a situation where you feel uneasy, you should keep connected.

Also, even if you think too much about the future now, it's not decided that it will happen. My husband also has ideas, and the couple should overcome them together.

So, you don't have to worry about a future that hasn't even happened yet.

Let's try to find something that makes us feel calm and at ease right now.

Ponzu-sama

When you feel it's hard, make a habit of focusing on breathing at that time.
Each time, let's focus on breathing.

It simply focuses on the breath that comes out and the breath that comes in.
Don't judge, don't evaluate, just notice that you're breathing like this right now.
Take consciousness at the tip of your nose and feel that you are breathing like this right now, you can feel the air coming in and out, you can feel your lungs (chest) swell and deflate, or feel that your stomach swells or dents.
If you blame yourself or are distracted, don't blame yourself and gently focus your attention on your breathing again.

This is a way to move away from anxiety and calm your mind without blaming yourself.
By doing it over and over again, it becomes a habit, and when you're about to be attacked by a sense of anxiety, you can quickly let go of that sense of anxiety.

Also, when you wake up in the morning, try muttering the following words of wish with clear intentions (of being fully aware).
“May I be happy. May I be freed from my worries and suffering. May I be filled with joy. Please take a leisurely breath and mutter with a wish, “May I be at peace.”
Even if you feel negative after a while, please acknowledge that you have put even the slightest wish into it. Please thank yourself for being able to do even a little bit.
At the end of the day, don't blame yourself, be aware of relaxed breathing, just remember what you were able to do, soak in that feeling, and rest while appreciating that feeling.
I think this will improve little by little, so please try incorporating it.
Gassho ceremony

I read it. You want to die right now, don't you? Thinking about the future is very painful because of anxiety and worry, and even if I want to believe in my husband, I can't believe it.
I don't know the details about you, your husband, or the people around you, but I really understand your painful feelings.

Including from my previous questions, I think you are alone and feeling very lonely and anxious. I think leaving your husband is also a factor that stirs up anxiety for you.

You are by no means alone, you have a husband, and you have relationships with many people. Here, too, you have a relationship with us. If possible, let's gradually increase your connections with the people around you and talk about your thoughts. I'm sure many people will accept you, and they will be close to your heart.

Waves of anxiety may frighten you, but please don't worry and stay calm.

Also, gradually increase the number of things you are interested in. There are also encounters with very wonderful things in my life.
Surrounding you is a lot of amazing nature, mountains, seas, trees and flowers. If you take a walk around, even just a little bit, you'll be able to encounter many wonderful things. Let's find fun little by little together with close people.

I sincerely pray to Buddha, gods, and ancestors so that you can continue to be blessed with many wonderful encounters and relationships and live a healthy and safe everyday life, and that you can live a rich heart while sharing with everyone.

Please let us know your thoughts again, and we look forward to welcoming you.

First of all, wanting to escape from “loneliness” and “anxiety” is also the desire of almost all people living in modern society.
Keep in mind that you are by no means alone.
Well, I've also read your past consultations, but I don't really understand the detailed circumstances surrounding you now.
It is said that the husband has gone through a lot of trouble when changing jobs, and now he is working as a single person.
However, they always come back every weekend, and they say kind words are said to you, “Now it's my turn to do my best, so I want you to have a good rest.”
If so, it seems that you are tormented by a strong sense of loneliness and anxiety when your husband is away (I don't know the clear reason).
I would like to give the following general advice.
If spending time alone at home is difficult, I recommend connecting with the community and society first.
Telephone consultations and chat consultations are not a fundamental solution.
Part-time work is fine, so it's best to go to work, but in your case, that may be difficult.
If that's the case, how about visiting a temple near your home every day and praying for the couple's mental and physical health and that your husband's work goes well.
If you get along with the chief priest of the temple, it's a good idea to chat there and ask them to help clean the precincts as an offering to accumulate merits.
It depends on the chief priest, but I believe a temple is a place where people like you can rest their hearts.
Of course, I also recommend taking this opportunity to learn Buddhism or start zazen (you don't necessarily have to become a Buddhist).
Please forgive me if the answer is ludicrous.

Humans are bound and controlled by rules they make themselves.
That's painful.
I want it to happen like this, I wish it were like this, there are so many things.
However, in reality, that is not the case.
That's natural, too. This is because the world has had someone else's rules since the beginning, and it's not progressing according to those rules or scripts.
It's hard, it's tough, I don't like living.
Please call us anytime in such a case. There are times when I can't show up due to legal matters.
There is something really painful about humans wanting to die.
There have been many times when I thought that I too was Shinite.
Actually, I think that's a matter of course. Yes, that's right. There are painful things that go beyond my capacity, so it's natural.
Therefore, it is best to express things that you don't understand, painful things, difficult things, bad things, upset things, painful things, anger, resentment, negative feelings, itchy feelings, and feelings that are difficult to say. Words, especially here, are letters. That's fine for people who can write clearly. If there's something that's hard to put into words, something you want to say, or something you want to say aloud, it's better to have them listen to it.
There are probably many boys here who can answer phone calls, so it's a good idea to talk to someone you can trust. That's why talking also has the meaning of letting go, letting go, and it's tough when you're too close to yourself. Let's just poke around.
And it's important from there on.
From there, where should we go, which way should we go, and how should we proceed?
🚗
In life, safe driving is important for cars, minds, and homes.
Improve your driving skills and aim for a better direction, a brighter direction, and a lighter and more comfortable direction. ('-`)
It's fine. That's because even the guy I thought was crazy over and over is alive.

Ponzu-san, I saw your consultation.

It's painful, isn't it? I also understand very well that it makes you feel uneasy.

I'm worried about the future too.

Everyone just doesn't say much about the future, and I'm uneasy.

But Ponzu-san also has a husband.

My husband told Ponzu-san that now I'll do my best.

Why don't you pamper yourself and relax a little bit?

Relax, take a deep breath, do something fun, do something you like,

Please spend your time imagining as much as possible.

I also want to talk with Ponzu-san.

Please try contacting Hasunoha.

That's fine.

I'm not alone.

Let's all overcome it.