I have constant fights with him

Love love day by day. Thank you for your hard work.
After living together, I think we are now able to see the truth about each other, a side we couldn't see until now.
Originally, there was only one human being. Originally, people live alone. If you have been with someone of the opposite sex for a long time, that is the truth about those two people.
I was also able to see the truth about myself that “this is what happens” when you are with your partner. 🔥

Until now, when I've been alone or living separately, a reasonable sense of distance was right, but I realized before I got married that I gradually became frustrated when we were together the whole time, and that there was a frustrating reality 🔥.

If disputes have already broken out, those disputes will intensify more and more after marriage.
Human beings have an inner self. I have myself. Self-rules, human self, human self, human ego. I have my own rules.
If they're both strong, it's a clash between me and me. My values clash with the values of blame.
Fights happen when we both start to be strong.
Fufgenka, fights between men and women, wars, and battles in the world are all fundamentally the same.
So, what should I do?
It would be nice if I could break it myself. An ascetic practice that destroys me. Disrespecting oneself is religion. Buddhism. Humanity education. I'm not trying to change my partner.
Only two people who truly love each other can respect each other and meet each other with a spirit of improvement, faith, and bodhisattva.
The religious form of marriage for Japanese people is almost only about 800 false forms. (Laughter) That's why I didn't make them get married only in the form of formal Kiris 0, and they say, “Oh, do humans really collide between their own self and their partner's self? Well, if we're going to walk together in the future, we need to have a strong religious spirit, self-control, and a spirit of self-restraint, and we need to have an advantage over ourselves, enshrine God and Buddha in a higher position and refrain from ego.” If you don't have that attitude of learning, both you and your partner will only reign within yourself forever. Results are separated.
Religion exists only to control the human ego.

You're not actually your partner's problem, and he's not your problem either. Actually, we both know that our own ego is a problem. It's not a big deal if we bump into each other and win. I just watch one of them cry.
That sad fruit is called Immokwan. 🐶
It is a relationship where we both destroy ourselves, our ego, and our ego, let's lose them 💑 are blessed with the best sweet called alacanka.

I read it.
You keep fighting with him, don't you? You really want to live a good life with him like before, don't you? I don't know the details about you, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
If you don't have a relationship and live together, you'll take a close look at the other person. Therefore, parts that are different from one's own values, way of thinking, sense of life, common sense, and personality stand out extra.
So I think it's natural for differences of opinion to come up, so I think there are a lot of fights and trouble like that.
It may also be necessary to think about the future and try taking a distance. Then why don't you calm down and think about each one of them.
Please calm down and think about what the other person really means to you.
Please both you and him face your own future firmly, look back at yourself and your partner, and then both of you carefully face each other and talk.
I wholeheartedly support you and him in the future.

First, what you're feeling
“I don't know what to do”
“I like it, but it hurts me”
That thought is proof that love has deepened.
After six months of cohabitation, the reality of life begins to be visible, and most couples clash.
This is not a bad compatibility; it is a natural progression from love to relationship building.

① The essence of a fight is not “content,” but anxiety

His alcohol, time to get home, and your emotional reaction
These are superficial reasons, and the real theme
Anxiety about “I don't want to be disliked” and “I don't want to be abandoned.”
When people feel anxious, they become both aggressive and defensive.
So blaming each other is not malice, but heartache.

② You don't have to aim to “go back to being in a relationship”

The first heat is the bonus period for phantom love.
Instead of going back,
We are now at the stage where the love between the two of them has settled down and is nurturing.

Mature couples are
They rub together as they bump into each other.
A fight is not the end of a relationship, but an opportunity for growth.

③ 3 things you can do right away

・Don't talk during a fight
We can't understand each other when we're excited.
The relationship changes just by making it a rule to “let's stay away for 10 minutes.”

・Tell it with me, not you
It's not “your fault”
Just change to “I was sad” or “I was anxious,”
It's not an attack, it's sharing.

・Schedule a meeting for two once a week
Life rhythms and values will pass each other if left unattended.
Making time to talk calmly stabilizes relationships.

④ “Not being able to be a good person” in front of him is rather normal

Weaknesses and habits come out in front of someone you really care about.
It's not that you're humanly immature,
It means that his true intentions come out only because he is someone he can feel safe with.

You're not broken,
I think we're at the entrance to rebuilding the relationship between the two.

Gassho

It's been six months since we started living together, and every day we just had fights with the guy I should have loved...
I can't see a way out, so I think it's really painful.

But this is also the path many couples go through.
It is said that there are “3 stages” in love.

At first, it was a time when I was blind to love.
Next is the period when you can see your opponent's flaws.
The consultant is probably in exactly this “second stage” right now.
Once we have overcome this, the “third stage,” where we deeply accept each other, awaits.

The reason we fight is because you guys are “other people who grew up in a different environment.”
My parents, friends, and the scenery I've seen are all different.

So “this is how you usually do it, right?” In a sense, it is natural for those expectations to be disappointed.
Just admitting that “what's different is the default” makes my heart feel a little lighter.

On top of that, try to keep three things in mind.

1. Being aware of good points is a time when you notice the bad parts, so please dare to pay attention to “his merits that I don't have.”

2. When the frustration of writing out your emotions seems to explode, try writing your emotions out in a notebook before you hit them with words. It's an opportunity for you to regain your composure.

3. If you feel “it's going to be a fight” where you have the courage to avoid a collision, it's also great wisdom to physically distance yourself, change topics, and intentionally avoid it.

When you have a fight, try showing an attitude of walking up by reflecting on “something bad about yourself” rather than blaming them unilaterally.

We are supporting them so that they can slowly build a partnership of their own without being impatient.

Gassho